Meet my BFF Denial. She has helped me in so many ways throughout my life, both personally and in my business. I could always count on Denial to get me through any busy-ness or crisis. We were so close she knew what I wanted before I did! Now that’s friendship (or so I thought)!
It turns out that having a friend like Denial on my side was my ticket to becoming a reluctant Burnout Queen!
Denial was by my side when I was building my psychology practice. In a year the business grew to six-figures and our expertise was sought after! Fabulous, but it came with a price. When I was working day and night, over-stretched and over-stressed with all the hours of patients, meetings, on top of my PhD research, Denial encouraged me to:
- ignore my body’s aches and pains,
- keep my head down and keep going
- ignore the urge to take a break and ‘grab’ dinner
- stay focused on completing the task, project, obligation no matter what.
All I wanted to do was give in. I felt weak; I just needed to go home and get some sleep. Denial was my rock-solid support. She urged me to dig in, work harder, push through and not lift my head until it was done. I was exhausted and dazed but thanks to her support and driving force, deadlines were met and success secured!
Denial was there for me again when I was feeling unwell with heart palpitations, migraines and serious injuries after a major car accident. She would whisper in my ear, “You don’t have time to be sick. You’ve got to keep going for everybody.” She kept me going…visiting my Dad in hospital, making sure my elderly Mum had groceries, keeping the house perfectly clean, and never missing a day of work. She was absolutely right, there was no time for my own health.
Just keep going, dig deeper, plod on girlfriend!
What a friend. Denial secured my reputation as kind, helpful and always there for everyone, (just the way my Mother had taught me) to my detriment.
Then one day, out of the blue (or so I thought), I fell asleep on the kitchen floor while feeding the cat. Four hours later, with the cat looking bemused at me from his vantage point, my BFF Denial was nowhere to be found! She had thrown me under the bus! She had become someone else’s BFF in an instant.
Without Denial, I had no voice to tell me to ignore myself; no cheerleader to give me the push to keep going. I wanted to run away. Without Denial by my side my world suddenly seemed insurmountable. I couldn’t escape the facts anymore as I began to see the truth of how burnt-out I was!
- Physically, I didn’t feel well.
- I was so exhausted I didn’t want to face another day.
- I was snippy & snappy with everyone who wanted something from me (Didn’t they see I wasn’t well?).
- I could no longer pull ‘it’ out of my hat and keep going (energy bunny had abandoned me too!).
- I was gutted, exhausted, and ashamed that I looked inept and weak (after all I was a therapist who could cope).
Here’s the good news!
It was the best thing that could have happened to me when Denial disappeared. I was forced to acknowledge myself in small ways and big ways. I learned to meet obligations and responsibilities on my terms. I began to make decisions, choices, and plans that suited my needs first and foremost.
It had to start with me! As I listened to my body and my soul I began to understand…
- when to take a few minutes to breathe,
- when and whom to say ‘No’ to (there are many ways to do this I have found),
- how to get my health back on track (and keep it there),
- how to regain and sustain my energy,
- my need to sleep, to eat, and to respect and honour what I need throughout my day.
Now I have a new BFF and her name is ‘Aware’ and she is nothing like ‘Denial’. Aware listens to my inner voice. She knows when I’ve had enough, and she knows when to reach for that extra dream. She responds to my spirit.
Aware gently taps my shoulder and says,
“You are priority one. Without you there isn’t much else”.
Aware has made me realise that when I take care of myself my business works better and I have a better quality of life and love.
If you find yourself in the company of Denial, don’t be afraid or ashamed to walk away from that ‘friendship’ with conviction. Head on over to self-awareness and honesy, trust us it’s more invigorating than scarey. When you team up with Aware you open yourself up to all the possibilities and dreams that happen when you live waaayyyy beyond burnout.
Cheers to finding new friends! The Burnout Queens xx
[The Burnout Queens wrote this article as a guest blog for The Girls Mean Business]
