Burnout

The experience of living with burnout and exhaustion for professional, creative and highly sensitive women

Heatwave burnout

Hello from our hot little cottage in the English countryside.  Today starts the 5th heatwave alert for the summer with temperatures rising into the mid-30s Celsius.

As the Burnout Queens always say, defy ordinary.

So while others are busy rushing to and fro in this heat, we are staying inside and taking it slow and steady to get done what is absolutely necessary (between tea and a little bite of course).

It’s the only way to meet the day.  If we venture out, it will be to sit here and enjoy a quiet moment of calm.

We hope you can find a moment in your day, as beautiful as this.

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens) xx

 

Finally, I had arrived…but where?

I’m sitting here totally frustrated!  My laptop has decided on work to rule and my  printer won’t communicate with my laptop!  This is all due to an ‘upgrade’ that would be faster, better, quicker, easier.  It’s not.  I yearn for the ‘old days’ (that would be last week) when all was working just fine and plenty fast enough to get everything done.

So, I ask you Universe (‘cause you can’t talk to a human in the same country) in all sincerity and bewilderment, why does everything have to be quicker, faster, better.  Just so you know, I’m not some old fuddy-duddy who wants to go back to the days of dial-up (and before you ask, yes I do remember them but only for a very short time).

We have decades in our lives that are defined by achieving, moving up, doing more, setting one bigger goal after another.  I admit I remember when 18-hour days were a badge of honour.  I’d arrived…but where?  For me it was the land of burnout!

As we get older nature naturally begins to slow us down.  Not in some scary way but in a way that encourages us to pursue more relaxation, leisure, softer values, and maybe even eventually retiring from the busyness of work-life.

We can stop trying so hard, pushing through and simply be.  We can retire from busyness, hurrying just for the sake of hurrying, saying yes to please others, giving everything to our job (when did work become everything?), putting everyone else’s needs first, or doing things that don’t really matter to you.

As we find a different style of living we go through lots of changes.  Some of these changes feel uncomfortable (like playing ‘hooky’ from school) but many of these changes are a welcomed breath of fresh air.  With age we have the chance to reflect on what we truly want to do.

Redefining aging, and retirement, means reengaging with newness, change, reflection, beauty, quiet time, friends that ‘get you’, activities that resonate with who you are, new discoveries, adventures, creativity, old dreams, and new dreams.

The big surprise was how easy it was to make these changes, not all at once, but gradually, slowly, savouring each and every new sense of freedom.

The thing I want you to take from this is knowing that in order to find something new you always have to leave something old behind.  For me it was a burnout lifestyle.

Cheers, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens)xx

 

The agony of decisions

Decisions!  Love them or hate them they are omnipresent.  Most of the mundane everyday decisions we don’t even notice, like getting up or getting dressed.  We make hundreds of these nondescript decisions everyday.  It is the ‘other ones’ that have some of us declaring that we ‘can’t make decisions’ and for others feeling frozen like a deer in the headlights!

Some decisions just sit there like a heavy weight.

There is no obvious solution.  No right or wrong.  Not really even a deadline.  I know this.  But knowing doesn’t make it any easier.  I have even taught theories of decision making at university and one of my ‘famous quotes’ came back at me in a students term paper, “when it comes right down to it, most of us toss a coin”.  In my defense, it’s true.

I know there are rarely perfectly clear answers to decisions.  Heck, there are no perfect answers at all.  And yet I find myself wanting a clear sign from the Universe like a bird flying by holding a sign that says ‘choose this’!  One minute I think I know but in the next instance I am arguing (with myself) for the opposite!  I’m sure you all know what I mean.

So I try to muster up all the wisdom (giving myself credit here) that I have accumulated over many many years and tell myself to just sit with it, go with the flow, trust the Universe and any other motivational sound bite I can recall.

Despite my best efforts every fibre in my being screams, ‘just decide’!  Let me be clear, there is absolutely no time pressure on this decision, only self-induced.  I can take as long as it takes to figure it out: days, months, even years.

Still the pressure feels intense and heavy like the air before a thunderstorm.  It demands attention.

I have taken many ‘leaps of faith’ in my life: many hold your nose and jump moments when I didn’t have a clue if my decision was ‘right’.  So everyday I ask myself why does this decision feel so different?  I haven’t figured this out.  Only that it is a lesson in patience, trust and faith.

By now you are either glazing over from my indecision or asking what on earth this massive decision is.  Well, here it is… After almost 7 years living on the edge of a small village in the countryside, with at times only sheep as neighbours, do we move back to city living or not?  (By the way, do you know how loud sheep can be?  I didn’t, they are!)

Every decision means an ending and a beginning; letting go of something known and embracing something new.

All I can say is…When l know, I’ll know.  When I know, you’ll know.  Together we can celebrate the end of the agony of not knowing!  In the meantime you can follow our spiral path, every twist and turn, forward, back and begin again!

Until next time, Embrace Life!

Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens) xx

 

 

Getting Beyond The Paycheck | Value-Based Work for HSPs

Getting Beyond The Paycheck | Value-Based Work for HSPs | The Burnout Queens

Last month in our BOQ article, Living Your Values – Simplify Life and Avoid Burnout, we explored the importance of living your Values in everyday life.  So, what happens when you spend every working day in an environment that is out-of-sync with your deepest values?

It can get serious, you could find yourself asking ‘why’ you get up in the morning. You may eventually reach the point of having to leave a job or a career because you can no longer tolerate the mismatch between your values and your work.

Working in accordance with the values you hold most deeply is absolutely essential to the health, happiness, and inner-harmony of anyone who is Highly Sensitive.  Not doing so most often leads to stress, anxiety, illness, burnout and a multitude of emotions ranging from frustration to sadness and regret.

Work that denies your values eventually empties your soul.

It’s not always easy working and building a career that remains truthful to your values.  Being value-driven requires difficult and at times unpopular choices, decisions, and directions.  The corporate world is often at odds with the values of HSPs.

Business models are usually one of two types: values or bottom-line.  These days bottom line thinking is by far the more popular approach.  For HSPs, who are mainly value-driven, a corporate environment based solely on economics where even employees are treated like inventory feels bereft of value.

I did one of numerous ‘residencies’ in a psychiatric programme whose values (or lack of them) were completely at odds with my own.  (Before you ask, I needed the hours!)  Even though it was a hospital, bottom-line economics ruled.  Waiting lists were ‘padded’ so funding remained intact.  As for philosophy, I believe people can and will change and ‘they’ believed they would ‘always’ be sick to some degree.  Let’s just say square peg-round hole!

I put in my 1,500+ hours, and ran for my life and reputation.  I paid the price, my health failed, my spirit felt bruised and broken and my knees buckled under the weight of burnout.  I did learn to never compromise my values in my career again.  It’s actually hard to put a price on that lesson!

How do you get beyond the paycheck to value-based work?

Workplace values exist on more than one level.  Value-able work isn’t only about the nature of the work.  Although we all know that you can’t just ‘go shopping’ for values, when it comes to your career and work, it doesn’t hurt  to have a ‘shopping list’ of absolute essentials that you can measure a company or a job against.  And remember, don’t limit your list to values only related to product or service.

Ask those tough questions about equality, diversity and morality.

A company’s philosophy or mission says a lot, but values can also be expressed in how employees and customers are treated, the commitment of the company to mentoring and fostering leadership, their belief in being a good corporate citizen of the community, environment and the planet.  Finding value in other aspects of your work is important since not everyone is free to up and quit a job.  A value based environment can help to fill this gap.

To feel satisfied and successful in work, you have to honour the truth of your values.

It takes courage and conviction to live and work by your values.  You may have to make some unpopular choices or take a less than favoured stance against the establishment.  In our experience HSPs can often be the target of bullying for this very reason.  They are often the ones willing to be the lone voice standing up for what is ‘right’ or legal or moral.  HSPs are often the one to stand up for others who they see being treated poorly.  Their willingness to take a stand can result in a bullseye on their back: being regarded as a trouble-maker, difficult to get along with, negative, argumentative, not a team-player or (love this one) a ‘drama queen’!

You know your deepest self.
You know what values are sacred to you.

As Highly Sensitive women we need to consciously make the big choice to live and work in deep connection with our values.  Living in accordance with these values creates calm, stability and strength in your life, as well as helping you navigate the inevitable challenges along the way.

There will always be difficult and stressful times at work, times when you really have to dig deep.  If you are clear about the values that guide your work, you will make choices from a position of integrity, truth, confidence and strength.  You will make those choices without apology because you are working from a place of personal power.

Until Next Time…Grab Life by the Crown!

P.S.  The BOQs would love to hear from you!  Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below. 

P.S.S. We’re now on Instagram! Our handle is THEBURNOUTQUEENS, of course!

Embracing a summer-pace lifestyle

Always striving for balance we’ve taken impromptu moments away from work to de-stress and play… after all darling, we’re all about putting our burnout-balance-bliss system to the test. 

We’re calling this our summer-pace lifestyle.  It takes skill, boundaries, and plenty of curiosity.

Relaxing days strolling through newly discovered neighbourhoods, poking around interesting shops, checking out the art open houses and plenty of room for afternoon tea…cake and all.  It’s what we both love and do best.  

The benefit of all this summer fun?   We return to work refreshed, rested and creative.

(Of course you can always catch our latest edition of ‘Hello from London & Lewes’ to see the photos that prove we are living what we suggest!)

Here’s to embracing your own summer-pace lifestyle. 

The Burnout Queens xx

 

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Photography: Caroline True Photography | Illustration by Veronica Miller | Site Design: Kim McDaniels | Disclaimer