Womens Health

THE DECISION and 4D’s of Burnout

I’ve been ruminating for a few days on what to write about.  It’s never been far from my mind, but my mind has not been cooperating.  You see nothing much has been going on.  In fact it’s been a very strange Summer indeed.

Mainly what has dominated the Summer has been a series of heatwaves and apparently we can expect more in September.  We even had a ‘red alert’ on our mobile phones the other evening.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a deafening siren.  My first instinct as a child of the 50s/60s was ‘duck and cover’.  Now for some of you who are younger you may not remember duck and cover.  Hiding under your desk with your head covered was supposed to save us from a nuclear bomb!  We know better now, but apparently the training still held!  The Red Alert (!) was to give us advice on avoiding starting a wildfire.  Although reasonable advice, this jarring reminder of danger only added to the strangeness of this Summer.  Once my heart slowed down, and we had secured Noggie, I started thinking about what it all really meant.

In retrospect I realised how disappointing this Summer has been.  It has meant fighting with a garden that for the most part wasn’t going to survive, vegetables that finally got pulled out since there were no fruits of my labour, and changing or cancelling plans and trips due to soaring heat. To me this summer has been  clarifying.

I began to think about THE DECISION (as it has come to be known around the house) about whether to return to city living or stay countrified.  I was reminded of one of our primary concepts of  dealing with burnout…the 4D’s of Burnout.  So where was I on this ladder?

I was definitely disappointed, thwarted.  Was I discouraged?  Absolutely and losing enthusiasm fast.  Hmm, okay what about step 3 on the ladder…was I disillusioned?  You betcha, definitely feeling defeated.

This was enough to tell me that perhaps the decision is made but we are just hiding in the confusion.  Anyway, I took a look at step 4 on the 4Ds ladder just to be sure. Was I disheartened?  Not completely but it could become a slippery slope.

However (there is always a glass full moment) knowing the 4Ds lets me retrace my steps on the ladder and find answers to what I truly want and need.  Now that is essentially what dealing with burnout is all about.

If you are curious to know more about the 4Ds so that you can use them to help you avoid or deal with burnout you can find them in our next read here on the blog.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens) xx

 

 

The 4Ds of Burnout

Burnout doesn’t ‘happen’ all at once.  Burnout sneaks up on you.  The 4 D’s are a progressive ladder of emotions that play a major role in burnout.  Apply these to any area of your life and pinpoint where you are on the ‘ladder’ and what you need to do to create change.

No. 1  Disappointed ~

When disappointed you may feel,  sad, confused, thwarted, unsatisfied, frustrated, regretful, let-down or even betrayed.

Your hopes or expectations have not been met.

If disappointed you may need a very active response towards the situation or person.  Small changes can have a big impact.  Look for solutions or change your desired outcome and don’t be afraid to express your disappointment.

No. 2  Discouraged ~

When discouraged you may feel,  weary, pessimistic or dejected.

Your confidence and enthusiasm is diminishing be it for a situation, project or even a person.

When you are discouraged it takes more effort to keep looking for different ways forward.  The key here is to keep trying and keep going.  Look at what you are disappointed in and what isn’t working for you.  Take a break from the situation so that you can refocus and recoup your energy.

No. 3  Disillusioned ~

When disillusioned you may feel futile, despondent or defeated.

You are losing sight of your dream, goal or desired outcome.  You may start expecting the worst.  You are losing your desire to try.  It’s ‘as if’ your belief or faith in something or someone is mistaken or unrealistic.

When you are feeling disillusioned you know something is not right.  You no longer feel enthusiastic or energetic about what you are doing.  You are not even feeling sure about what your goal originally was.  You may begin to fear or expect a poor outcome.

You need to retrace your steps back from disillusionment.  You need to reconnect with your original desires and goals.  Ask yourself if it is still what you want, what (or who) has gotten in your way, and the important question, are you still willing to move towards your goal, regardless.

No. 4  Disheartened ~

When disheartened you feel dispirited, weary or even depressed.

It’s almost too hard to care anymore.  You begin to feel indifferent towards the situations, people or experiences.  You have lost your usual determination.  You feel like you are out of options or resources when it comes to finding a solution.

It takes a lot of energy to respond when you are disheartened because it feels like you have lost the heart and soul of what you were doing.  You feel lost.  So what do you do?  Don’t hide from the truth of how you are feeling.  Talk about how you are feeling.  Maybe you need help to sort it out.  You may have to temporarily or permanently stop the very thing that has brought you to this point.

Remember, even if you are feeling disheartened you can still change.  Go back to the beginning of the ladder and retrace your steps.  Make whatever small changes you can.  Then stop and reevaluate where you are and what you want.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens)

 

 

 

 

On the other side of Burnout

We want you to think and dream about the other side of burnout.  Even though we talk about how Bliss can be yours after burnout, let’s be clear…Bliss doesn’t mean…

  • sitting on a beach with a fancy drink
  • a remote island where you meditate all day long
  • that enlightenment is just around the corner

And it certainly doesn’t mean that life can’t catch up with you and bite you in the… well you know!

Life is never a straight line, it’s more of a spiral path.  There will always be ups and downs, new surprises and discoveries, and, of course decisions and problems to solve.

But with each step you take, each level you transcend you will have discovered how strong you are and how resilient you are.  Even more than that, you will know what’s right for you and what’s wrong.  You won’t be afraid to leave something behind in pursuit of something new.  One step at a time, and you own each and every amazing step.  You will believe in your path, YOUR path, down to your very gut.

On the other side of Burnout you will live life your way because, believe it or not, Burnout leads you closer to the real, true YOU.

Embrace Life!

Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens}

 

 

The Big Leap times 10 years!

From Here to There!

From Here

We just cannot believe it has been a full decade that we left our home and country.  Last evening we were sitting in the Vancouver International Airport saying ‘shouldn’t we be nervous, or sad, or something?’  We weren’t, we were just quietly waiting for our one-way ticket to our new destination in life.

Brave or stupid?  Just feels right.  We had sold our condo, money in the bank, said good-bye to family, friends, neighbours and clients (although some would stay with us over skype), all our belongings except our luggage was packed into a container enroute across Canada to board a boat heading east!

A big leap of faith was starting to really happen.

I vividly remember looking out the window of the plane as we took off, looking back at my neighbourhood (we climbed right over it) and thought…’I don’t know what will happen or how it will turn out, but I’m open to whatever transpires’.

A long sleep, a beautifully calm flight and we landed in our new homeland.  The customs woman looked at our passports and VISAs and said, ‘welcome home‘.  Just such a deeply happy moment we had both waited for for the last 4 decades.  You couldn’t wipe the smiles off our faces, even after the 10 hour flight and time-change.

To There

 

 

 

 

 

So it’s official.  We live in England and over the next 10 or so days in honour of these 10 years,  we’ll give you a peek at the life we set up and are living from then until now (warts, pups and all)!

In the meantime…..

HAPPY 10th ANNIVERSARY TO THE BOTH OF US!

Crack open the books

What better time than summer to crack open the books you’ve longed to read all year long.  The days are long, the pace is summer-slow, and the time is yours to catch up on yourself.  

The Burnout Queens believe in the power of knowledge.  With our psychology degrees, our coaching expertise, and a specialty in womens’ issues, we wanted to share just a few books that will help you jump any life hurdles and open you up to even more personal growth. 

Here are a few of our ‘must reads’ to get you started.

  1. Excuses Begone! (Dr. Wayne W. Dyer)
  2. Be Happy.  (Robert Holden, Ph.D.)
  3. Quiet.   (Susan Cain)

 

Happy Reading darling. 

Dr Toby Silverton & Dr Bev McLagan  aka…The Burnout Queens xx

 

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