frazzled

The Burnout Personality Factor

DO YOU HAVE A BURNOUT PERSONALITY? (aka your BOP FACTOR)

Are you ready to discover if you have a Burnout Personality?  Also known as the BOP Factor as we like to call it.  Read on…

We all have certain characteristics we were born with that form a significant part of our temperament and personality.  Taken one at a time these characteristics are amazingly wonderful.  In fact, they are like a gift and can give you tremendous resilience and strength.   However, if you don’t pay attention to what you need, want, desire or dream of these same characteristics can wear you down and wear you out.  So now, The Bop Factor.  Let’s get into it.

You are not out of energy, exhausted and stressed because you:

  • are weak,
  • can’t cope,
  • can’t handle stress,
  • are a loser,
  • or a failure.

You do, however, have a ‘Be All and Do All Personality’ that can put you on the direct route to Burnout.

You try to BE everything to everybody and DO everything for everybody and do it all yourself!

Simply knowing about your BOP Factor can change how you feel about yourself and how you approach your life.  We are quite serious about this.  Knowing how your BOP characteristics are inter-woven with each other, how you inherited some of them and learned others, how they work for you and against you can absolutely change your life.

Without further adieu, here is the foundation of your Burnout Personality, your BOP factor:

You are reliable, dependable, conscientious, responsible & trustworthy.

You pride yourself on endurance, persistence, drive, tenacity and strength.  You have stick-to-it-ness!

You are more comfortable giving than receiving.

You always want to do the ‘right’ thing.

You are passionate, compassionate, empathic & sympathetic.

You are highly sensitive, creative, perceptive and have great intuition (when you listen to it!)

You are a caring, helpful, supportive, cooperative, loyal and a dedicated nurturer.

Now there are a few qualities that are cringe worthy.  No doubt you will recognise some of them but no judgements allowed!

You are a people pleaser.

You rarely feel ‘good enough’ .

You have really high standards for yourself and keep raising the bar higher and higher.

You work like a maniac.

You are a perfectionist!

You feel the need to prove yourself.

You are a perfectionist!

And, last but not least…

You have a YES habit.

That my lovelies is the BOP Factor.   When they work against you they put you at risk for burning out.  We certainly don’t want this for you because burnout robs you of energy, happiness, and your zest for living.  Burnout affects your relationships, your health, your career and your success. Ultimately you lose your drive, motivation, belief in yourself, passion and your spirit.

But, big but, when your BOP characteristics work for you we are talking peak performance.  They make you a passionate doer and truthfully the planet needs more of those.  The key is knowing how to embrace them, express them and direct the energy and intensity that comes with having such a strong personality.  That’s the power that comes with being a Burnout Queen.

 P.S. To put it into a context, here are 4 examples of how your BOP Factor can get in the way:

#1:  Being a perfectionist means you live in the future. You are always looking ahead to what you can do better, differently, or tweak a bit.

Result:  You never find peace, contentment, satisfaction or success NOW.

#2:  You live in a land of ‘shoulds, ought to’s, and musts.  You do what everyone else thinks is the ‘right’ thing for you to do.

Result: You end up living a compromise, instead of doing what you want, living your dreams.You end up always feeling guilty about something.

#3: Bell rings, you jump.  Others expect a lot from you and you always try to meet those expectations.  If you don’t, you berate yourself for not being helpful enough, understanding enough or just plain old good enough.

Result:  You end up pulled in too many directions.  Over-being and over-doing everything for everybody.

#4:   You end up silenced by your own strengths.  Your need to prove yourself, to do everything well, coupled with the fact that you are so good at what you do.

Result:  Other people simply expect your success.  They assume nothing is too much for you and you can handle anything and everything whether you want to or not.

With love,  Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens) xx

THE DECISION and 4D’s of Burnout

I’ve been ruminating for a few days on what to write about.  It’s never been far from my mind, but my mind has not been cooperating.  You see nothing much has been going on.  In fact it’s been a very strange Summer indeed.

Mainly what has dominated the Summer has been a series of heatwaves and apparently we can expect more in September.  We even had a ‘red alert’ on our mobile phones the other evening.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a deafening siren.  My first instinct as a child of the 50s/60s was ‘duck and cover’.  Now for some of you who are younger you may not remember duck and cover.  Hiding under your desk with your head covered was supposed to save us from a nuclear bomb!  We know better now, but apparently the training still held!  The Red Alert (!) was to give us advice on avoiding starting a wildfire.  Although reasonable advice, this jarring reminder of danger only added to the strangeness of this Summer.  Once my heart slowed down, and we had secured Noggie, I started thinking about what it all really meant.

In retrospect I realised how disappointing this Summer has been.  It has meant fighting with a garden that for the most part wasn’t going to survive, vegetables that finally got pulled out since there were no fruits of my labour, and changing or cancelling plans and trips due to soaring heat. To me this summer has been  clarifying.

I began to think about THE DECISION (as it has come to be known around the house) about whether to return to city living or stay countrified.  I was reminded of one of our primary concepts of  dealing with burnout…the 4D’s of Burnout.  So where was I on this ladder?

I was definitely disappointed, thwarted.  Was I discouraged?  Absolutely and losing enthusiasm fast.  Hmm, okay what about step 3 on the ladder…was I disillusioned?  You betcha, definitely feeling defeated.

This was enough to tell me that perhaps the decision is made but we are just hiding in the confusion.  Anyway, I took a look at step 4 on the 4Ds ladder just to be sure. Was I disheartened?  Not completely but it could become a slippery slope.

However (there is always a glass full moment) knowing the 4Ds lets me retrace my steps on the ladder and find answers to what I truly want and need.  Now that is essentially what dealing with burnout is all about.

If you are curious to know more about the 4Ds so that you can use them to help you avoid or deal with burnout you can find them in our next read here on the blog.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens) xx

 

 

Heatwave burnout

Hello from our hot little cottage in the English countryside.  Today starts the 5th heatwave alert for the summer with temperatures rising into the mid-30s Celsius.

As the Burnout Queens always say, defy ordinary.

So while others are busy rushing to and fro in this heat, we are staying inside and taking it slow and steady to get done what is absolutely necessary (between tea and a little bite of course).

It’s the only way to meet the day.  If we venture out, it will be to sit here and enjoy a quiet moment of calm.

We hope you can find a moment in your day, as beautiful as this.

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens) xx

 

Finally, I had arrived…but where?

I’m sitting here totally frustrated!  My laptop has decided on work to rule and my  printer won’t communicate with my laptop!  This is all due to an ‘upgrade’ that would be faster, better, quicker, easier.  It’s not.  I yearn for the ‘old days’ (that would be last week) when all was working just fine and plenty fast enough to get everything done.

So, I ask you Universe (‘cause you can’t talk to a human in the same country) in all sincerity and bewilderment, why does everything have to be quicker, faster, better.  Just so you know, I’m not some old fuddy-duddy who wants to go back to the days of dial-up (and before you ask, yes I do remember them but only for a very short time).

We have decades in our lives that are defined by achieving, moving up, doing more, setting one bigger goal after another.  I admit I remember when 18-hour days were a badge of honour.  I’d arrived…but where?  For me it was the land of burnout!

As we get older nature naturally begins to slow us down.  Not in some scary way but in a way that encourages us to pursue more relaxation, leisure, softer values, and maybe even eventually retiring from the busyness of work-life.

We can stop trying so hard, pushing through and simply be.  We can retire from busyness, hurrying just for the sake of hurrying, saying yes to please others, giving everything to our job (when did work become everything?), putting everyone else’s needs first, or doing things that don’t really matter to you.

As we find a different style of living we go through lots of changes.  Some of these changes feel uncomfortable (like playing ‘hooky’ from school) but many of these changes are a welcomed breath of fresh air.  With age we have the chance to reflect on what we truly want to do.

Redefining aging, and retirement, means reengaging with newness, change, reflection, beauty, quiet time, friends that ‘get you’, activities that resonate with who you are, new discoveries, adventures, creativity, old dreams, and new dreams.

The big surprise was how easy it was to make these changes, not all at once, but gradually, slowly, savouring each and every new sense of freedom.

The thing I want you to take from this is knowing that in order to find something new you always have to leave something old behind.  For me it was a burnout lifestyle.

Cheers, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens)xx

 

On the other side of Burnout

We want you to think and dream about the other side of burnout.  Even though we talk about how Bliss can be yours after burnout, let’s be clear…Bliss doesn’t mean…

  • sitting on a beach with a fancy drink
  • a remote island where you meditate all day long
  • that enlightenment is just around the corner

And it certainly doesn’t mean that life can’t catch up with you and bite you in the… well you know!

Life is never a straight line, it’s more of a spiral path.  There will always be ups and downs, new surprises and discoveries, and, of course decisions and problems to solve.

But with each step you take, each level you transcend you will have discovered how strong you are and how resilient you are.  Even more than that, you will know what’s right for you and what’s wrong.  You won’t be afraid to leave something behind in pursuit of something new.  One step at a time, and you own each and every amazing step.  You will believe in your path, YOUR path, down to your very gut.

On the other side of Burnout you will live life your way because, believe it or not, Burnout leads you closer to the real, true YOU.

Embrace Life!

Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens}

 

 

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