Dr Bev

Co-owner, The Burnout Queens

Have to love myself…blah blah blah

woman-mirror3

Forget self-help’s ‘Have to love yourself’ message. (Groan) We all know it’s true but frankly we’ve heard it so often we tend to go, “Yeah, yeah, have to love myself, yada yada!” That is not what we are talking about here. No, no no…we are pointedly asking;

Do you approve of yourself?

Some of you will pretend that you don’t understand this question, but we know you are wise and sensitive and you ‘get’ it. Why? Well, sadly we all have experience and practice ‘disapproving’ of others so we know in our gut what it means to approve or disapprove of someone. So, no more hiding from the question!

Do you approve of yourself? Do you approve of the way you live your life, your choices, how you treat others, conduct your relationships, how you take care of yourself, your level of honesty, your career choice, or your values? If you don’t, hello disillusionment…hello Burnout!

I met-up with one of my absolutely gorgeous VIP clients last week and it was so clear to me that in less than a year she has gone from Phase 4 burnout to totally approving of how she is living her life. Now I see a woman who is comfortable in her own skin, likes herself, owns her decisions, trusts her judgement, shares her opinions, has way more confidence and has embraced her personal power. Wow, stark contrast to a couple of decades in and out of burnout, doubting who she was and everything she was doing. She soooo approves of herself now it is an absolute delight!

Each and every week we encounter women who believe nothing they do is good enough.

Do you relate?

  • You want to be less judgemental of others, but it’s not possible when you judge yourself harshly.
  • You want to be more successful, but that’s difficult when you don’t trust your ideas, abilities, choices and achievements.
  • You wish you were more loving, but cannot, or refuse to, practice unconditional love for yourself.
  • You feel bad because you aren’t more tolerant and yet you barely tolerate your own humanness.

When you don’t approve of or trust your choices and when you doubt your ability to perform, you give others the power to control you with their opinions. When you don’t respect yourself, your relationships will lack strong, clear boundaries and repeat unhealthy patterns. When you actively disapprove of yourself you always fear failing or worse yet, ‘being a failure’. When we fall from the grace of self-approval all we experience can be summed up in one word: doubt, doubt, and more doubt.

No self-approval means no inner-peace.

It is simply that powerful. With the power of self-approval comes the right to self-determination, self-expression, self-respect and ultimately self-love. No more waiting for others to give you their stamp of approval and no more having to prove yourself till you are ready to drop. Until we reach that moment of knowing that we, not can, but will give ourselves complete approval we block our ability to flourish and thrive, we block our path towards bliss and keep on determinedly, and exhaustingly, trudging towards burnout.

So what is stopping you from self-approval? If you say “nothing” then you get it! Nothing is stopping you from accepting that you have the power of self-approval. (Relax, there is no small print that suggests that from this point on you have to be perfect and never experience another moment of doubt.) The decision to approve of yourself is instantaneous. The process of self-approval, living its truth daily, takes commitment, courage and faith.

So, if you do not approve of yourself, for whatever reason, stop and ask yourself, “Why?” You were created perfectly. You were born perfect in being who you are. All those points of ‘disapproval’ on your list are not a reflection of the true you.

Self-approval means accepting who and where
you are now AS perfect. (tweet this)

The Burnout Queens declare, it is time to stop fearing the power of self-approval. Only when you approve of yourself can you truly delight in sharing who you are with the world. You are a Burnout Queen. The power of self approval is your birthright!

Here’s one great tip!

List all of the reasons you can come up with to not approve of yourself from too fat or too thin to not successful enough. Then crumple up the paper and throw it away. That’s right, throw it away!

Do it again: new paper, crumple, throw it away.

Do it again…and again…and again.

Every single time you feel self-disapproval, name it, write down why, then (you know it) crumple it up and throw it away. You will no longer hang on to self-disapproval.

Until next time…Grab Life by the Crown!
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The Burnout Pups Weekend Wisdom

a caring hug1Happy Friday from our little Burnout Pup who has been under the weather these past few days… he has an important question for you.  If  you’re the one always looking after everyone else’s needs, desires and health he wants to know…

“When you’re sick & can’t care for your people…who cares for you!?”

Love from the Burnout Pups xx

Welcome to the stress zoo!

zooWelcome to the stress zoo! (aka my home office)

If you work from home you probably juggle kids, pets, spouses, neighbours, noise, deliveries, interruptions, etc.  That’s certainly true here at The Burnout Queens’ headquarters.  We work from home which means personal and work life mix it up.  Today it collided and felt more like a zoo!

First the dogs needed a long overdue walk in the park, Then work just got going and was interrupted by a doctor’s appointment after which the grocery deliveries arrived earlier than scheduled, and then back to knock off this post.  The dogs are barking, neighbours are coming and going with the kids, work neighbours are coming and going while talking loudly on their mobile phones outside the window, another delivery arrived (wrong door…too bad it was net-a-porter), the dogs need feeding, they need to go outside and the hyper one wants his ball thrown for the umpteenth time so he can shove it under something and bark more!   Help!  I need to work, but the zoo is in full swing.

I sometimes long for a day at an office so that I’m away from it all.  It sounds stress-free from where I’m sitting.  Would I switch?!  Just for a day.  It would be nice to see different walls, speak to different people, feel like I have escaped the barker.  I fantasize that I could keep my head down and get more accomplished.

Hmm.  I hear lots of my clients moaning about all the interruptions from colleagues popping their heads in their office doors ‘just to quickly say something’  Is that like barking?  One client put police tape across her office door so she wouldn’t be disturbed (good plan).  Is that like turning off your intercom or mobile ringer to avoid another neighbour or delivery?

Maybe the zoo isn’t so bad after all.  At least this way I can

-go for a walk in the sun when I want  –  go shopping on a work day when I want (cause I live in a city that shops) –  go to an art exhibit on the day I want (cause I live in a world class art city) – stop for a tea break when I want (cause I live in the city of tea breaks) – stop working for the day when I want (cause I feel like it)

Although I get one or two of those days when I think I want to ‘go to an office’ to escape the madness of my zoo, this arrangement works fine for me.  I need to remind myself of this next time I get stressed about it.

Enjoy your day, no matter where you are sitting.

The Burnout Queens xx

 

 

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