being overwhelmed | The Burnout Queens

THE DECISION and 4D’s of Burnout

August 19, 2026

I’ve been ruminating for a few days on what to write about. It’s never been far from my mind, but my mind has not been cooperating. You see nothing much has been going on. In fact it’s been a very strange Summer indeed.

Mainly what has dominated the Summer has been a series of heatwaves and apparently we can expect more in September. We even had a ‘red alert’ on our mobile phones the other evening. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a deafening siren. My first instinct as a child of the 50s/60s was ‘duck and cover’. Now for some of you who are younger you may not remember duck and cover. Hiding under your desk with your head covered was supposed to save us from a nuclear bomb! We know better now, but apparently the training still held! The Red Alert (!) was to give us advice on avoiding starting a wildfire. Although reasonable advice, this jarring reminder of danger only added to the strangeness of this Summer. Once my heart slowed down, and we had secured Noggie, I started thinking about what it all really meant.

In retrospect I realised how disappointing this Summer has been. It has meant fighting with a garden that for the most part wasn’t going to survive, vegetables that finally got pulled out since there were no fruits of my labour, and changing or cancelling plans and trips due to soaring heat. To me this summer has been clarifying.

I began to think about THE DECISION (as it has come to be known around the house) about whether to return to city living or stay countrified. I was reminded of one of our primary concepts of dealing with burnout…the 4D’s of Burnout. So where was I on this ladder?

I was definitely disappointed, thwarted. Was I discouraged? Absolutely and losing enthusiasm fast. Hmm, okay what about step 3 on the ladder…was I disillusioned? You betcha, definitely feeling defeated.

This was enough to tell me that perhaps the decision is made but we are just hiding in the confusion. Anyway, I took a look at step 4 on the 4Ds ladder just to be sure. Was I disheartened? Not completely but it could become a slippery slope.

However (there is always a glass full moment) knowing the 4Ds lets me retrace my steps on the ladder and find answers to what I truly want and need. Now that is essentially what dealing with burnout is all about.

If you are curious to know more about the 4Ds so that you can use them to help you avoid or deal with burnout you can find them in our next read here on the blog.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka: The Burnout Queens) xx

The 4Ds of Burnout

August 19, 2026

Burnout doesn’t ‘happen’ all at once. Burnout sneaks up on you. The 4 D’s are a progressive ladder of emotions that play a major role in burnout. Apply these to any area of your life and pinpoint where you are on the ‘ladder’ and what you need to do to create change.

No. 1 Disappointed ~

When disappointed you may feel, sad, confused, thwarted, unsatisfied, frustrated, regretful, let-down or even betrayed.

Your hopes or expectations have not been met.

If disappointed you may need a very active response towards the situation or person. Small changes can have a big impact. Look for solutions or change your desired outcome and don’t be afraid to express your disappointment.

No. 2 Discouraged ~

When discouraged you may feel, weary, pessimistic or dejected.

Your confidence and enthusiasm is diminishing be it for a situation, project or even a person.

When you are discouraged it takes more effort to keep looking for different ways forward. The key here is to keep trying and keep going. Look at what you are disappointed in and what isn’t working for you. Take a break from the situation so that you can refocus and recoup your energy.

No. 3 Disillusioned ~

When disillusioned you may feel futile, despondent or defeated.

You are losing sight of your dream, goal or desired outcome. You may start expecting the worst. You are losing your desire to try. It’s ‘as if’ your belief or faith in something or someone is mistaken or unrealistic.

When you are feeling disillusioned you know something is not right. You no longer feel enthusiastic or energetic about what you are doing. You are not even feeling sure about what your goal originally was. You may begin to fear or expect a poor outcome.

You need to retrace your steps back from disillusionment. You need to reconnect with your original desires and goals. Ask yourself if it is still what you want, what (or who) has gotten in your way, and the important question, are you still willing to move towards your goal, regardless.

No. 4 Disheartened ~

When disheartened you feel dispirited, weary or even depressed.

It’s almost too hard to care anymore. You begin to feel indifferent towards the situations, people or experiences. You have lost your usual determination. You feel like you are out of options or resources when it comes to finding a solution.

It takes a lot of energy to respond when you are disheartened because it feels like you have lost the heart and soul of what you were doing. You feel lost. So what do you do? Don’t hide from the truth of how you are feeling. Talk about how you are feeling. Maybe you need help to sort it out. You may have to temporarily or permanently stop the very thing that has brought you to this point.

Remember, even if you are feeling disheartened you can still change. Go back to the beginning of the ladder and retrace your steps. Make whatever small changes you can. Then stop and reevaluate where you are and what you want.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens)

Embracing a summer-pace lifestyle

July 30, 2019

Always striving for balance we’ve taken impromptu moments away from work to de-stress and play… after all darling, we’re all about putting our burnout-balance-bliss system to the test.

We’re calling this our summer-pace lifestyle. It takes skill, boundaries, and plenty of curiosity.

Relaxing days strolling through newly discovered neighbourhoods, poking around interesting shops, checking out the art open houses and plenty of room for afternoon tea…cake and all. It’s what we both love and do best.

The benefit of all this summer fun? We return to work refreshed, rested and creative.

(Of course you can always catch our latest edition of ‘Hello from London & Lewes’ to see the photos that prove we are living what we suggest!)

Here’s to embracing your own summer-pace lifestyle.

The Burnout Queens xx

Stop Overwhelm and Embrace Life!

June 7, 2019

Are you feeling ‘overdone from overdoing’? Did I hear a big ‘YES’ from you? Then darling, you are OVERWHELMED and that won’t be a surprise to you.

When we’re overwhelmed we just want to sit down and throw our hands up in the air…give up…and hope tomorrow will be better than it feels right now. I’m sure you can relate.

In our podcast today, Dr T is talking about OVERWHELM, giving you insight into

what overwhelm actually is (not what you think)
what happens to you when you’re overwhelmed (anxiety, getting stuck and experiencing a brain drain)
how to offset your overwhelm

The Burnout Queens’ podcast OVERWHELM GEMS give you 7 Gems that are pretty darn simple to put into motion and reap you big results.

Stop the Overwhelm and Embrace Life!

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (The Burnout Queens)

Am I Burnt Out?

February 15, 2019

AM I BURNT OUT?

I am struck by how many women these days easily say, “oh I’m just so burnt out”. Sadly, I believe it’s a statement most of us seem to relate to in this fast-paced world today. Many of our clients come to us feeling down, depleted, and utterly overwhelmed…and you guessed it, they all say, I think I might be burning out.

What is this thing called Burnout?

We often ask people, ‘do you really know what burnout is’. We hear a variety of common responses some accurate, some not. Bottom line, if the information is not correct women don’t seek help and things get worse. It’s the way Burnout takes hold.

When people hear you say you’re burned out, they usually reply that everyone is stressed. If you think you are suffering from burnout and hear this, you walk away feeling foolish and inept for making a fuss, even though you feel about to drop from exhaustion.

Others talk about ‘being burned out’ in a manner that sounds like a fad or trend or something ultra-light. They are the ones who seemingly act like the ‘every-ready bunny’ and keep going, hardly skipping a beat. It makes it hard to believe they feel like you do, because you are struggling to keep up with everything. So you lie awake wondering what’s wrong with me that I can’t cope.

This would be a good moment to give Burnout some serious thought. What is it really and what does it look and feel like. The best medicine is to arm yourself with proper knowledge so that you can make decisions in aid of your well-being.

The Burnout Queens have put together this Simple Symptom Checklist for Burnout to help you identify whether or not you are burning out. See if you recognise any of the emotional, physical and mental changes for yourself.

Get immediate access to this Checklist

CLICK HERE:

Don’t dismiss your feelings and emotions. If it’s just stress it can’t be that bad, right? And if it’s really bothering you that much you must be depressed, right? Perhaps not.

Burnout is not stress and it’s not depression, although you just might ‘feel’ depressed and stressed when you keep trying to juggle all your responsibilities and never feel you get enough reprieve to feel well. If you are burnt out you keep trying to ‘keep going’, but with depression you just want to hide under the duvet forever!

Let’s nip burnout in the bud. Start by downloading our Simple Symptom Checklist for Burnout. This is the best and simplest way to check if you are actually burning out.

If you love downloading, you will love our Learn From Us page. Feel free to save and read as many of our resources that you think will help on your road to living a burnout-free lifestyle.

To your health!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx