being overwhelmed

The Burnout Lesson and Lipstick

Hands up, have you got a burnout personality?  Well I do.  Happily I’ve got the burnout part of it sorted, no more burnout for me.  Recently however I realised that my BOP Factor (burnout personality) has been flying under the radar and impacting another part of my life.

I was going along thinking that having a super flexible, bendy body is a good thing as you age, apparently it’s not, it is in fact a syndrome. Recent research I discovered connected the dots for me.  Sprains, falls, being clumsy and bruisey, extreme exhaustion and even a cardiac component which is totally benign but unsettling and annoying.  As it all fell into place (excuse the pun!) it led me to the realisation that my BOP Factor was at play.  You see, the burnout lesson I swallowed hook, line and sinker while growing up was this,

Put your lipstick on and keep going!

When I fell I kept going, when I was too tired I pushed through, I worked till I dropped throughout university, never let anyone down and (ta da!) I always wore my lipstick.  I perfected that lesson.  I may have escaped my burnout trap but some of the same dynamics were humming along in the background tending to make me push beyond my endurance, take on tasks that were too big for my body, and at times to ignore signs that my body was in trouble.  Now that’s a confession to myself and to you.

The power to once again deal with this burnout characteristic is in my hands. I can’t change my body but I can change how I handle it.  I’ll take more breaks, make tasks more manageable and outsource the hard stuff when I need to.  And I won’t feel guilty, old, weak, lazy or like I’m shirking!

Patterns, like our BOP factor, lie so deeply inside our psyches that we are often unaware of their impact on our daily life and daily choices.  My burnout personality led me to follow false cues.  When my intuition (inner cues) was saying ‘pause, wait, rest, or enough already!’ I chose to follow false cues based on lifelong learning.  So I ‘put my lipstick on and kept going’  to my physical and mental detriment.

If you would like to understand more about your own burnout personality, your BOP Factor, you can find more information in the coming days on our blog.   Knowledge is power, Burnout Queen power.

With love,  Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens) xx

 

THE DECISION and 4D’s of Burnout

I’ve been ruminating for a few days on what to write about.  It’s never been far from my mind, but my mind has not been cooperating.  You see nothing much has been going on.  In fact it’s been a very strange Summer indeed.

Mainly what has dominated the Summer has been a series of heatwaves and apparently we can expect more in September.  We even had a ‘red alert’ on our mobile phones the other evening.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a deafening siren.  My first instinct as a child of the 50s/60s was ‘duck and cover’.  Now for some of you who are younger you may not remember duck and cover.  Hiding under your desk with your head covered was supposed to save us from a nuclear bomb!  We know better now, but apparently the training still held!  The Red Alert (!) was to give us advice on avoiding starting a wildfire.  Although reasonable advice, this jarring reminder of danger only added to the strangeness of this Summer.  Once my heart slowed down, and we had secured Noggie, I started thinking about what it all really meant.

In retrospect I realised how disappointing this Summer has been.  It has meant fighting with a garden that for the most part wasn’t going to survive, vegetables that finally got pulled out since there were no fruits of my labour, and changing or cancelling plans and trips due to soaring heat. To me this summer has been  clarifying.

I began to think about THE DECISION (as it has come to be known around the house) about whether to return to city living or stay countrified.  I was reminded of one of our primary concepts of  dealing with burnout…the 4D’s of Burnout.  So where was I on this ladder?

I was definitely disappointed, thwarted.  Was I discouraged?  Absolutely and losing enthusiasm fast.  Hmm, okay what about step 3 on the ladder…was I disillusioned?  You betcha, definitely feeling defeated.

This was enough to tell me that perhaps the decision is made but we are just hiding in the confusion.  Anyway, I took a look at step 4 on the 4Ds ladder just to be sure. Was I disheartened?  Not completely but it could become a slippery slope.

However (there is always a glass full moment) knowing the 4Ds lets me retrace my steps on the ladder and find answers to what I truly want and need.  Now that is essentially what dealing with burnout is all about.

If you are curious to know more about the 4Ds so that you can use them to help you avoid or deal with burnout you can find them in our next read here on the blog.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka:  The Burnout Queens) xx

 

 

The 4Ds of Burnout

Burnout doesn’t ‘happen’ all at once.  Burnout sneaks up on you.  The 4 D’s are a progressive ladder of emotions that play a major role in burnout.  Apply these to any area of your life and pinpoint where you are on the ‘ladder’ and what you need to do to create change.

No. 1  Disappointed ~

When disappointed you may feel,  sad, confused, thwarted, unsatisfied, frustrated, regretful, let-down or even betrayed.

Your hopes or expectations have not been met.

If disappointed you may need a very active response towards the situation or person.  Small changes can have a big impact.  Look for solutions or change your desired outcome and don’t be afraid to express your disappointment.

No. 2  Discouraged ~

When discouraged you may feel,  weary, pessimistic or dejected.

Your confidence and enthusiasm is diminishing be it for a situation, project or even a person.

When you are discouraged it takes more effort to keep looking for different ways forward.  The key here is to keep trying and keep going.  Look at what you are disappointed in and what isn’t working for you.  Take a break from the situation so that you can refocus and recoup your energy.

No. 3  Disillusioned ~

When disillusioned you may feel futile, despondent or defeated.

You are losing sight of your dream, goal or desired outcome.  You may start expecting the worst.  You are losing your desire to try.  It’s ‘as if’ your belief or faith in something or someone is mistaken or unrealistic.

When you are feeling disillusioned you know something is not right.  You no longer feel enthusiastic or energetic about what you are doing.  You are not even feeling sure about what your goal originally was.  You may begin to fear or expect a poor outcome.

You need to retrace your steps back from disillusionment.  You need to reconnect with your original desires and goals.  Ask yourself if it is still what you want, what (or who) has gotten in your way, and the important question, are you still willing to move towards your goal, regardless.

No. 4  Disheartened ~

When disheartened you feel dispirited, weary or even depressed.

It’s almost too hard to care anymore.  You begin to feel indifferent towards the situations, people or experiences.  You have lost your usual determination.  You feel like you are out of options or resources when it comes to finding a solution.

It takes a lot of energy to respond when you are disheartened because it feels like you have lost the heart and soul of what you were doing.  You feel lost.  So what do you do?  Don’t hide from the truth of how you are feeling.  Talk about how you are feeling.  Maybe you need help to sort it out.  You may have to temporarily or permanently stop the very thing that has brought you to this point.

Remember, even if you are feeling disheartened you can still change.  Go back to the beginning of the ladder and retrace your steps.  Make whatever small changes you can.  Then stop and reevaluate where you are and what you want.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens)

 

 

 

 

Embracing a summer-pace lifestyle

Always striving for balance we’ve taken impromptu moments away from work to de-stress and play… after all darling, we’re all about putting our burnout-balance-bliss system to the test. 

We’re calling this our summer-pace lifestyle.  It takes skill, boundaries, and plenty of curiosity.

Relaxing days strolling through newly discovered neighbourhoods, poking around interesting shops, checking out the art open houses and plenty of room for afternoon tea…cake and all.  It’s what we both love and do best.  

The benefit of all this summer fun?   We return to work refreshed, rested and creative.

(Of course you can always catch our latest edition of ‘Hello from London & Lewes’ to see the photos that prove we are living what we suggest!)

Here’s to embracing your own summer-pace lifestyle. 

The Burnout Queens xx

 

Stop Overwhelm and Embrace Life!

Are you feeling ‘overdone from overdoing’?  Did I hear a big ‘YES’ from you?   Then darling, you are OVERWHELMED and that won’t be a surprise to you.

When we’re overwhelmed we just want to sit down and throw our hands up in the air…give up…and hope tomorrow will be better than it feels right now.   I’m sure you can relate.

 

                                               

In our podcast today, Dr T is talking about OVERWHELM, giving you insight into

  • what overwhelm actually is (not what you think)
  • what happens to you when you’re overwhelmed (anxiety, getting stuck and experiencing a brain drain)
  • how to offset your overwhelm 

The Burnout Queens’ podcast OVERWHELM GEMS give you 7 Gems that are pretty darn simple to put into motion and reap you big results.

Stop the Overwhelm and Embrace Life!

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (The Burnout Queens)

1 2 3 … 72

Photography: Caroline True Photography | Illustration by Veronica Miller | Site Design: Kim McDaniels | Disclaimer