Burnout-Free Lifestyle | The Burnout Queens

Who did YOU want to be?

August 31, 2026

Are there times it seems like ‘Who You Are’ has been shaped by the opinions of others? You are not far off the truth and it begins from the time your little feeties touch the earth. We are raised to believe that the opinions of others count for more than our own opinions. We are taught to listen to parents, siblings, teachers, friends, religious mentors and many other influences (or should I say influencers these days). Of course, the wisdom and guidance of others has a genuine place in our development, The problem is that over time we forget that…

Others opinions are simply that, others opinions.

When society convinces us that ‘Who We Are’ is determined by others, we end up outsourcing our self-identity, our self-approval and finally our all-important self-worth. We spend so much time trying to be what someone else wants that we shrink, become invisible and ultimately stop believing in ourself.

Our authentic/true/real/essential Self gets lost amidst all that external noise. Like a mirror that has lost its true reflection we no longer see who we were born to be.

We stop knowing what is ‘right’ for us and what is ‘wrong’. We end up in relationships that don’t fit, jobs that don’t work, and careers that pinch like bad shoes. We learn how to ignore our natural talents, to change our very person, even physically, to meet the opinions (read needs) of someone else. Worse still, we lose our desire to contribute to the world in a way that honours and values who we were born to be. And that, my dears, is the biggest contributor to burnout. But all is not lost…

Start with this one simple question: Who did YOU want to be when you grew up?

This single question can point the way back to your beautiful authentic Self and set you on the path to a burnout-free lifestyle.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka: The Burnout Queens) xx

THE DECISION and 4D’s of Burnout

August 19, 2026

I’ve been ruminating for a few days on what to write about. It’s never been far from my mind, but my mind has not been cooperating. You see nothing much has been going on. In fact it’s been a very strange Summer indeed.

Mainly what has dominated the Summer has been a series of heatwaves and apparently we can expect more in September. We even had a ‘red alert’ on our mobile phones the other evening. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a deafening siren. My first instinct as a child of the 50s/60s was ‘duck and cover’. Now for some of you who are younger you may not remember duck and cover. Hiding under your desk with your head covered was supposed to save us from a nuclear bomb! We know better now, but apparently the training still held! The Red Alert (!) was to give us advice on avoiding starting a wildfire. Although reasonable advice, this jarring reminder of danger only added to the strangeness of this Summer. Once my heart slowed down, and we had secured Noggie, I started thinking about what it all really meant.

In retrospect I realised how disappointing this Summer has been. It has meant fighting with a garden that for the most part wasn’t going to survive, vegetables that finally got pulled out since there were no fruits of my labour, and changing or cancelling plans and trips due to soaring heat. To me this summer has been clarifying.

I began to think about THE DECISION (as it has come to be known around the house) about whether to return to city living or stay countrified. I was reminded of one of our primary concepts of dealing with burnout…the 4D’s of Burnout. So where was I on this ladder?

I was definitely disappointed, thwarted. Was I discouraged? Absolutely and losing enthusiasm fast. Hmm, okay what about step 3 on the ladder…was I disillusioned? You betcha, definitely feeling defeated.

This was enough to tell me that perhaps the decision is made but we are just hiding in the confusion. Anyway, I took a look at step 4 on the 4Ds ladder just to be sure. Was I disheartened? Not completely but it could become a slippery slope.

However (there is always a glass full moment) knowing the 4Ds lets me retrace my steps on the ladder and find answers to what I truly want and need. Now that is essentially what dealing with burnout is all about.

If you are curious to know more about the 4Ds so that you can use them to help you avoid or deal with burnout you can find them in our next read here on the blog.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka: The Burnout Queens) xx

The 4Ds of Burnout

August 19, 2026

Burnout doesn’t ‘happen’ all at once. Burnout sneaks up on you. The 4 D’s are a progressive ladder of emotions that play a major role in burnout. Apply these to any area of your life and pinpoint where you are on the ‘ladder’ and what you need to do to create change.

No. 1 Disappointed ~

When disappointed you may feel, sad, confused, thwarted, unsatisfied, frustrated, regretful, let-down or even betrayed.

Your hopes or expectations have not been met.

If disappointed you may need a very active response towards the situation or person. Small changes can have a big impact. Look for solutions or change your desired outcome and don’t be afraid to express your disappointment.

No. 2 Discouraged ~

When discouraged you may feel, weary, pessimistic or dejected.

Your confidence and enthusiasm is diminishing be it for a situation, project or even a person.

When you are discouraged it takes more effort to keep looking for different ways forward. The key here is to keep trying and keep going. Look at what you are disappointed in and what isn’t working for you. Take a break from the situation so that you can refocus and recoup your energy.

No. 3 Disillusioned ~

When disillusioned you may feel futile, despondent or defeated.

You are losing sight of your dream, goal or desired outcome. You may start expecting the worst. You are losing your desire to try. It’s ‘as if’ your belief or faith in something or someone is mistaken or unrealistic.

When you are feeling disillusioned you know something is not right. You no longer feel enthusiastic or energetic about what you are doing. You are not even feeling sure about what your goal originally was. You may begin to fear or expect a poor outcome.

You need to retrace your steps back from disillusionment. You need to reconnect with your original desires and goals. Ask yourself if it is still what you want, what (or who) has gotten in your way, and the important question, are you still willing to move towards your goal, regardless.

No. 4 Disheartened ~

When disheartened you feel dispirited, weary or even depressed.

It’s almost too hard to care anymore. You begin to feel indifferent towards the situations, people or experiences. You have lost your usual determination. You feel like you are out of options or resources when it comes to finding a solution.

It takes a lot of energy to respond when you are disheartened because it feels like you have lost the heart and soul of what you were doing. You feel lost. So what do you do? Don’t hide from the truth of how you are feeling. Talk about how you are feeling. Maybe you need help to sort it out. You may have to temporarily or permanently stop the very thing that has brought you to this point.

Remember, even if you are feeling disheartened you can still change. Go back to the beginning of the ladder and retrace your steps. Make whatever small changes you can. Then stop and reevaluate where you are and what you want.

With love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens)

Heatwave burnout

August 12, 2026

Hello from our hot little cottage in the English countryside. Today starts the 5th heatwave alert for the summer with temperatures rising into the mid-30s Celsius.

As the Burnout Queens always say, defy ordinary.

So while others are busy rushing to and fro in this heat, we are staying inside and taking it slow and steady to get done what is absolutely necessary (between tea and a little bite of course).

It’s the only way to meet the day. If we venture out, it will be to sit here and enjoy a quiet moment of calm.

We hope you can find a moment in your day, as beautiful as this.

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka: The Burnout Queens) xx

Finally, I had arrived…but where?

August 2, 2026

I’m sitting here totally frustrated! My laptop has decided on work to rule and my printer won’t communicate with my laptop! This is all due to an ‘upgrade’ that would be faster, better, quicker, easier. It’s not. I yearn for the ‘old days’ (that would be last week) when all was working just fine and plenty fast enough to get everything done.

So, I ask you Universe (‘cause you can’t talk to a human in the same country) in all sincerity and bewilderment, why does everything have to be quicker, faster, better. Just so you know, I’m not some old fuddy-duddy who wants to go back to the days of dial-up (and before you ask, yes I do remember them but only for a very short time).

We have decades in our lives that are defined by achieving, moving up, doing more, setting one bigger goal after another. I admit I remember when 18-hour days were a badge of honour. I’d arrived…but where? For me it was the land of burnout!

As we get older nature naturally begins to slow us down. Not in some scary way but in a way that encourages us to pursue more relaxation, leisure, softer values, and maybe even eventually retiring from the busyness of work-life.

We can stop trying so hard, pushing through and simply be. We can retire from busyness, hurrying just for the sake of hurrying, saying yes to please others, giving everything to our job (when did work become everything?), putting everyone else’s needs first, or doing things that don’t really matter to you.

As we find a different style of living we go through lots of changes. Some of these changes feel uncomfortable (like playing ‘hooky’ from school) but many of these changes are a welcomed breath of fresh air. With age we have the chance to reflect on what we truly want to do.

Redefining aging, and retirement, means reengaging with newness, change, reflection, beauty, quiet time, friends that ‘get you’, activities that resonate with who you are, new discoveries, adventures, creativity, old dreams, and new dreams.

The big surprise was how easy it was to make these changes, not all at once, but gradually, slowly, savouring each and every new sense of freedom.

The thing I want you to take from this is knowing that in order to find something new you always have to leave something old behind. For me it was a burnout lifestyle.

Cheers, Dr Toby & Dr Bev (aka The Burnout Queens)xx