It’s time again!  It’s time to address overwhelm.  Every couple of years we revisit this topic, but each and every week we talk to clients about how they are feeling seriously overwhelmed in their lives.  Back when I first started writing about overwhelm I called it the ‘curse of the 21^st century’ and, you know what, I haven’t changed my mind one bit.  I mean to say…

Feeling overwhelmed
can bring the strongest of us to our knees.

Now, overwhelm is usually associated with a ‘to do’ list that could stretch around the globe, but we can also become overwhelmed from thoughts whirling in our head, or too many decisions to make, or even one too many great choices to choose from.  Here’s my current example, I’m desperately looking forward to my niece and two great (and I mean great!) nieces visiting in May.  I happily drop everything to spend time with these three, but beforehand my head is whirling with figuring out how to fit in all the adventures we want to have, when to get the dog sitter, which outings require the train and which ones suit the car (with or without panting dogs in the back seat!), dare I say it I’m overwhelmed by planning fun!

The most common misperception about overwhelm is that it has everything to do with ‘To Do’s’.

Well, my lovelies, overwhelm is not about the stuff.  Overwhelm is about the feelings that surround the stuff, the many projects, tasks, demands, shoulds, ought to’s, and everything else that lands on your list.  Being overwhelmed stems from a torrent of feelings and thoughts that all hit at the same time and vie for attention: feelings, thoughts, needs, wants, expectations and obligations all falling over each other trying to be first in line.  That’s what overwhelm is.

I need to…I should…what if I can’t?

When you are overwhelmed you likely feel a mixture of some of these  emotions (Perfectionism alert! There is no ‘right or wrong’ combo!):  stress, confusion, fear, anger, pressure, unsureness, embarrassment, and/or shame.  You may feel like you want to run or you may feel paralysed and can’t act.  You may feel like you can’t think.  You believe you can’t find a solution.  And you know what, at that moment you are right, you can’t find a solution.  Not at that moment anyway.

When we focus only on the ‘stuff’ our focus gets bogged down in how to get more and more done, how to prioritise all the seemingly ultra-important tasks, how to beat the clock, how to work faster and faster, until ultimately we end up tripping over our own feet and falling flat on our face!

Getting over the shame of being overwhelmed is a huge step.

There is no shame in becoming overwhelmed.  It happens.  So let’s drop the shame, drop the embarrassment, drop the fear that we are failing and look at a few very simple, but very savvy solutions.

No. 1:  Own it!  Declare your state of mind.  Be bold, and say it outloud, “I’m overwhelmed!”

No. 2:  Walk away.  Yes, that’s right, walk away from overwhelm, nothing will happen, the world will not end, and you will not explode into a gazillion little pieces.

No. 3:  Unpack the feelings.  Overwhelm is only the bubble wrap and you have to unwrap it to see what is of any value.

No. 4:  Get down off that ledge!  Give yourself some time, distance, and quiet.

When you are overwhelmed not only your brain needs a break, but your body also needs a break.  Overwhelm signals a ‘perceived threat’ and your body is part of the warning system.  You may find your heart racing or flip-flopping, your breathing may get rapid, you may get all sweaty or shaky, you could develop a headache, feel nauseated, or some icky combination of the above!

So to recap… Own it (I’m overwhelmed!!!); Walk away (tea and cake);  Unpack the feelings (get to the nitty gritty);  Get off that ledge! (phew)

Now you want to stay off that ledge!  So once you have had 10-20 minutes of absolute chill time (doing nothing, saying nothing, thinking nothing) and your brain has stopped smoking, get out a pad of paper (no technology you need tactile) and…

No. 5:  Decide.  Write down one small step (yes only one, more is not better)  that you can take to get unstuck.

No. 6:  Do it. 

That’s it.  Now repeat: focus, find the next small step (don’t look any further ahead that’s where overwhelm lurks), do it.  Repeat.

So, one last time (I know I’m repeating myself, but I can’t say it enough) being overwhelmed is not about the stuff it IS all about the feelings.  So what do you need to do?  It’s simple, it’s savvy…it’s simply savvy!  You got it…

Get quiet, find your focus, act.

I was recently asked how come ‘new’ doesn’t always feel like fun.  Well, there are times when new seems too unfamiliar, too big, too loud, too much, or just too new.

You see us HSPs are a curious bunch (curious as in unique, not curious as in snoopy, although we can be that as well) we love experiences, we love exploring and discovering, and we love newness, however, we can also be a cautious bunch.

That is why it is important for you, my lovely, to understand your relationship with ‘new’.  Do you forge ahead with gusto, tiptoe gently into the unknown, sneak-up on it carefully from the side, or wait to get dragged into the unfamiliar?  Whatever your style, it’s definitely time to…

Face the unfamiliar and ‘new’
any way you want.

It’s also high time you stop speaking harshly to yourself about being too much of a scaredy cat or ‘unadventurous’ or wondering what is ‘wrong’ with you that you don’t automatically embrace everything new!  You can be open to newness and still be respectful and mindful of your famous HSP ‘pause to check’ early warning system.

Pausing to check is different from avoidance.  You are allowed to warm-up to things; you are allowed to stick your toe in the water before jumping in head first.  Giving your natural curiosity a moment to ripen is about finding, or creating, a comfortable spot physically and/or psychologically for yourself.

The unknown factor of the unfamiliar means you have no starting point, no compass that firmly tells you where North is.  Sometimes that can be intimidating, often thought provoking, at times downright uncomfortable, and always unfamiliar.

The best thing is to make the unknown
as known as you possibly can.

Here are a few ways, both small and big, we check out the new and unfamiliar. (Please note, we raise our hands on these without a blush of embarrassment!)

• Check out a menu before visiting a new restaurant.
• Google-map an unknown neighbourhood before exploring.
• Check a venue out online before a concert.
• Check the weather app before heading out the door.
• Drive by a place to see if there is parking near by.
• Time the tube route before going to a job interview (who wants to be late, not an HSP!)

A little before-hand prep can help with planning, comfort, and even safety.  These days we check Foreign Office websites for travel safety advisories, we note the exit doors on airplanes, and we still look both ways before crossing the street!

We consider these things ‘normal’ and helpful, if not smart.  As HSPs we may turn the volume up on our prep a bit and that is perfectly OK.  No explanations needed, it’s simply our style.  It doesn’t mean we won’t participate in new experiences and it doesn’t mean we won’t love them!  We are allowed to dip our toe in the water before we take the plunge.

Facing the unfamiliar can make us feel lost, like we don’t know which way to turn, and that can fill us with doubt, tension, anxiety, and even fear.  Feeling so unsure, trepidacious, and thoroughly uncomfortable may even have us wondering why on earth we put ourselves through it.  So we back away, maybe even avoid.   Who needs to go on a cruise, it’s easier (read more familiar) to  stay at home, order the same old take-away, and watch reruns!  Nothing new, not even on telly!  Here’s the thing, my love, now we are talking burnout.  You will be disappointed, discouraged, and disheartened, not to mention bored because…

Life gets small when you don’t ‘do’ new.

Trying to keep everything from changing requires squashing your natural desire to explore and learn.  Squashing yourself all because somewhere ‘way back’ you have accepted the social/cultural message that we should all madly, wildly jump into the unknown without a second thought.  “Whoo Hoo!”  (Yeah, right.)   We feel ‘wrong’ before we start, all because we don’t know.  Darling that’s all there is to it!  We don’t know because we don’t know…YET!  Once we find out all we need to know to feel comfortable, well we are off exploring the world or a new city or a new job or a new hairdo for that matter.  Life is always going to be new, each day is ‘new’.  So, there you go.  New is simply new.  And you know what?

It truly doesn’t matter how you do new,
it only matters that you DO new.