mindset

Our Hearts Are Cold With Fear

helen and boris

Three months ago we heard that a friend had gone missing. At the time we had no idea what could have happened to her.  It was widely reported that she may have simply ‘disappeared from her life on purpose’.  She wouldn’t have done this; she was an intelligent, accomplished, savvy, gentle soul and would not have hurt the people around her like this.

Our hearts were cold with fear because we knew from all our many years of education and practice in the field of women’s studies and women’s psychology that the sad but still true fact is the mere fact of being a woman puts you at risk.

Yesterday we found out that the police had arrested a man she had come to trust in her life on suspicion of murder. They have still not found Helen.  We feel sick with our own personal grief but we also feel angry.

The majority of women who are killed are killed by trusted males in their lives. Domestic violence is still one of the leading causes of injury and death for women.

It’s not only the ‘night’ that we need to take back, we need to take back our world.  It isn’t right that we have to even think about, let alone worry about, going out alone at night, what you are wearing, how you are looking, what you say, who you flirt with or even who you live with.  It’s just not right.

For decades we have asked, oh let’s be truthful, begged women to read this brilliant book and then to give it to their daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces and then friends daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces. The book is called:

gift of fear book

The Gift of Fear. Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence by Gavin De Becker.  Published by Little, Brown and Company in 1997.

(sadly I’ve been told to add this one line…we are not receiving any payment for promoting this book)

 

We have to start somewhere to take back our world, this book offers all of us a good starting point.

So in honour of Helen, our lovely Helen and her mini-dachs Boris, please take care of yourself, please read, please please trust your intuition and protect yourself. And then…live the fullest life you can.  We can all do this for Helen.

In love and light, The Burnout Queens xx

My Reality, Your Reality, Our Reality

perspective2We all have a way of looking at things in our life.  It’s called perspective.  There’s nothing wrong with having your own perspective on things, it is after all how your eyes see the world…your reality.

 

 

perspective3

Others see the world, (their reality) through their own eyes and perspective.  We can all look at the exact same thing and see it very differently, depending on our view.  One is neither right, nor wrong, it simply is!

 

 

perspective4

Too often in my therapy practice I would hear couples and individuals question their own perspectives, as if their reality was ‘wrong’ and it needed to be put ‘right’.  Not so.   What we need to learn is the tolerance of differences that gives breathing room for all our personal realities.

 

My truth may not be your truth…but it is still Truth.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

Women, Bodies & Baggage

love my body

Women’s bodies come with a full set of baggage.  We worry about how fat or thin, tight or saggy, tall or short, young or old,  beautiful or ugly we are.

It all comes down to our bodies and the relationship we have with it.  Whether it’s loving or spiteful we are stuck with it.  It is something we are born with and changes with or without our permission over a lifetime.  It changes, it grows, it develops, it moves, it gets strong, it gets weak and all manner of things in-between.

So how do you treat this ‘thing’ that holds you up and moves you through the world.  Perhaps because of that very fact alone we should learn to like it more.

Here are 8 ways you can take good care of that ‘thing’ you already love, are getting to love or have hated for years.

  1. Like her more by not comparing her to another woman
  2. Feed and water her regularly
  3. Put lotion on her and let her glow
  4. Massage her to help her move with ease
  5. Take her for a walk, bike ride, swim
  6. Sit her down
  7. Let her sleep
  8. Limit the stress and strain you put her under

Showing respect for your body will help you respect your Self and THAT darling, results in you becoming the radiant Queen of Calm, Cool & Collected you were truly meant to be.

With Love,  The Burnout Queens xx

 

 

 

An HSP opinion of being gracious

2 women whispering 1

If someone shares their dream, vision, or idea with you and you see they are clearly excited …

What do you do?  How do you respond?  What do you say?

When I share my enthusiasm about starting a new venture, challenging myself personally, or uprooting my life, I am generally met with great curiosity, support and love from those around me (except my mother of course, but darlings, that’s a whole other story).

I’ve also met those who are  shocked that I will do what I say I want to do “Oh, you mean you’re actually going to Do this (incredulous tone required!) and then

I’ve met those who feel the deep need to be negative, warn you and wonder what’s gotten into you lately? (omg, I know someone who hated what you’re about to do). Why must they warn me or save me from my own choices I wonder?   Can’t they just be happy for me?

So I have to ask, what is the cost of being gracious, even if their choice isn’t yours?

Here’s my best advice the next time someone shares their hopes and dreams with you…

Think before you share and offer

Grace if you must speak.

 

In love and support

The Burnout Queens xx

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