Twice this week clients, professional HSP working women, have wanted my opinion about situations that had come up at work and the common denominator…is this my responsibility?
Responsibility is tricky for us highly sensitive (dare I say, oh sure why not since I’m one too!) perfectionistic, over-achieving, and highly ethical and responsible women! You see we have been raised and trained to take responsibility for everything and anything whether it actually is our responsibility or not! And we step up and then we stew about it. Two scenarios:
First one: Client is aware that a colleague is partaking in some pretty unethical behaviour. My client had alerted the owners of the company about this possibility when they hired this other worker – it wasn’t a suggestion to not hire them just to keep an eye on them. Over and over again my client tried to raise the red flag, which was part of her original consultancy responsibility but wasn’t really listened to by the powers that be. This time my client directly addressed the situation with the person who was carrying out this questionable behaviour to be met with a complete ‘who cares!’ attitude. So now she was wondering do I go to ‘the bosses’ with it? Lots of you are probably saying, ‘of course!’ (probably because you are also HSPs full of integrity).
My response…not your responsibility any longer, let it go. They didn’t listen to you before, they are not going to listen now. Take yourself off the hook and don’t enter a contentious situation.
Second situation: Budget! My client, a financial exec, brings forward an invoice of varying tech costs with a whole list of reasons why some should be excluded from these tech consultants. Bosses attitude is “just pay it!” But, but, but…
My response…not your company, his company, you did your job, you raised the issue, you showed him the evidence…pay it, it’s his money!
I’ll probably have lots of people disagreeing with me, even I disagree with me sometimes! However, I also know that our proclivity to take 150% responsibility for things that aren’t ultimately our responsibility gets us into trouble.
Take the steps you need to feel like you can look at yourself in the mirror, know you have done your best, then let it go. You can’t be right, or listened to, all the time. Darn!
Love, Dr Toby (The Burnout Queens)) xx
