The Burnout Queens Wisdom… Fear of Change sounds like this: What if I turn into a totally new person? What if I am unrecognisable to others? What if others don’t like who I become? What if I don’t like who I become? The answer…if you don’t like you, make another Change.
The Burnout Queens Wisdom: CHANGE—A Hidden Barrier to HSP Success
Change, even change we want, shakes up who we are
Call it an ‘identity quake’!
Living with change & new lifestyle means
living and love the ‘new’ you that emerges
Don’t hook into the fear and anxiety of Change
embrace the exciting and refreshing changes of you
Then
Embrace Life!
Back in May we promised we would share three hidden barriers that can stop you from achieving all you want in your life including more balance, success, peace of mind, and less burnout. We named Ambivalence as the first hidden barrier. Ambivalence hides in the shadows of self-doubt. Although by it’s very definition it’s ‘wishy-washy’ it can become a huge personal obstacle. Well, my darling BOQ, not any more. You know what to do when it comes to Ambivalence.
The second hidden barrier set to derail lifestyle plans comes from the inner impact change has. For many Highly Sensitive sorts BIG change brings on an Identity Quake. Wondering “Who will I be when I change?” can be particularly unnerving!
So, it is time for the third hidden barrier. Ever heard the saying ‘misery loves company’? Sadly, not everyone will cheer you on when you decide to upgrade your life plans. Some of those around you will unconsciously attempt (and a few knowingly attempt) to keep you stuck in your old lifestyle. Don’t underestimate how the opinions of others can affect your plans…pro or con.
We call it the ‘Cheerleader Dilemma’.
Oh, they want to cheer you on but it’s that old fear of change. Fear of you changing creates fear in them; fear that you are going to leave them in the dust! In some ways their fears are grounded in reality. Things, and you, won’t necessarily be the same and that creates tension.
Some people close to you will tell themselves (and probably tell you as well!) that they are saving you from yourself. They truly believe they have your best interests at heart. They want to save you from making a mistake, failing, or suffering a big disappointment. It’s lovely that they want to protect you but it really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Life changes can pose a threat to friends and colleagues…and then there is family!
Families live via a family script. Each and every member of the family is expected to follow that script, often without question. It is assumed that everyone is in the same story, on the same page, and expecting the same ending.
What do you mean you want to change the whole plot line?
Even when the only part of the story you want to rewrite is yours it can trigger family discontent. So, forewarned is forearmed, don’t be surprised or put-off if your rewrite isn’t exactly welcomed with open arms.
As you explore your new moves some people will come right out and tell you that you are being ‘naiive, unrealistic, selfish, or that you simply want too (there’s that word!) much’. Others will be more, shall we say, subtle with their opinions. Whatever their style of delivery the underlying message is the same,
When YOU change you upset MY world.
Well, they are right, the status quo is definitely changing and that is called life. Being Highly Sensitive means you always take others feelings into account and you always give a ton of thought to every change you undertake. Less than supportive messages from those you care about can trigger self-doubt, churn up your fears, and lead you to question whether you truly want or deserve the change you are after.
Well, my love, it is your life and your change so carry on! Here is a super simple and very practical tip (and one that the BOQs have personally used time and time again). Don’t just read it and think, “Yeah that’s a good idea!” Do it and you will thank us, promise.
Write a short ‘explanation’ of the changes you are going to make. Include why you want and/or need to make such a change. Now practice. Repeat your explanation out loud, over and over. When the inevitable challenges and questions come, and they will, you will be ready with your answer. Answer once and move on. Do not deviate from your prepared response. No apologies needed. Do not rationalise your answer and definitely do not justify your answer. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone.
Of course, not all the messages you get from others will be negative. There will be true and cherished cheerleaders waving you on towards success. Trust them. Believe in them believing in you. It is great to have fans, supporters, and believers. It buoys you up when your own courage wobbles. So, our darling BOQs, onward…
This is your life you are changing. Do it your way. Your style. Here’s to your success.
Love, The Burnout Queens xx
PS: If you want to review the last 2 Feature Articles mentioned above click here:
What Keeps You Tap-Dancing Around Success? Ambivalence…That’s What! https://theburnoutqueens.com/tap-dancing-success-ambivalence/
Tired of Playing Hide and Seek With Your Potential? The HSP Identity-Quake. https://theburnoutqueens.com/hsp-identity-quake/
The Burnout Queens Wisdom: Desire an easier life?…focus on what’s going right not wrong…look for your strengths not weaknesses…embrace the ease not the struggle.
Just have to share this with you. We hear about this dreaded event all the time from our VIP clients.
BBC business news has a great, bold and controversial article out today: Why corporate team-building events can be terrible. (love the title already)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-45260246
There is nothing worse than opening up your email to an invitation to attend one of these company weekends. It leaves many of our clients with that ‘pit-in-the-stomach’ feeling.
You know you can’t get out of it. You know it will be a waste of time. And this is the important bit…you believe it will be a hornet’s nest of problems.
Have a read why. We are sure many of you will relate 100%.
These events require a solid and deep understanding of group dynamics, communication skills, trust-building, and a high level of crowd control. These skills are reserved for the professionals who know the psychology behind all of these seemingly innocent and fun weekends.
The article makes a great point at the end…good managers year-round should be able to avoid the necessity of having one of these retreats in the first place.
Our best advise to clients: Beware the facilitator, and if you have to attend one of these, put your game face on, keep your guard up, follow the instructions and get out of there at your earliest convenience. You are not weak, you aren’t the problem, and you should never be the scapegoat for the wrong facilitator.
And our next executive coaching session will be devoted to ‘the debrief’ with someone you already trust.