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Suffer From “End-Of Holiday Worry-Talk” ?

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Holidays are one of the few times we get away and leave all the ‘worries’ behind, unless you are a ‘Sunday night worrier’ like me! From the time I started school this HSP (that’s Highly Sensitive Person for any newbies) would spend the last day of weekends worrying about Monday. Then came Summer holidays and I would fret through August as I watched ‘back to school’ tv ads! Ditto for the Christmas hols! So why should I be any different as an HSP adult? I’m not.

During the last couple of days of any holiday thoughts and worries about work, obligations & responsibilities flood my mind. My bet is some of you endure the same ones! “How much work has been left on my desk? What problems am I returning to? How many emails are waiting? Did that sale go through? Will clients remember me after the Holiday? Did I book the vet visit for January?”

Doesn’t seem to matter what I’m doing or where I’m working, the same worry-talk shows up.

The mind chatter appears, the worries kick-in and the fretting starts: tension, anxiousness, pressure, and dread. Personally, I get knots in my stomach, feel like I can’t relax or have fun and usually suffer a night or two of restless sleep.

It’s easy to feel tired at the very thought of juggling it all again.

Well, it’s time to get proactive and stop being bullied by your worries! The first thing you need to do is become aware that this is a worry pattern you regularly fall into. (Could be as regularly as every weekend!) Once you see the pattern for what it is start to identify specific worries, like: ‘When I think about getting back to work I start to worry about…or, I stress-out about…when I think about the Holidays ending’. It doesn’t matter how big or trivial you think your concerns are, if they worry you, they count!

Take time to ponder each one. (Don’t you just love that word ‘ponder’?) Are they typical you-type worries? Have you handled similar situations in the past? What’s your track record been? We just know that it’s highly unlikely you’ve been an outright failure at handling them! So, if you generally handle such pressures pretty well, chances are you’ll deal with them all at least as well as you did all the other times.

Now, if you honestly believe you don’t handle such stresses well, figure out ahead of time (which is why we are sending this out early in December!) what you need to DO to overcome the stress or the problem. Put a plan of action together that you will follow when you get back. Write it down.

You need to look at the reality of your worries and stresses in the context of your past performance. Then carry that truth forward. Most of us have a nasty way of under-estimating our ability to handle problems or pressures. The clearer you are about your ability to problem-solve and take care of business, the quicker your end-of-holiday worrying will subside.

We don’t want you spoiling those precious remaining vacation days by fretting unnecessarily! You’ve been here before! You’ve done all this before! You’ve solved it all before!

So, no big surprises except, hopefully, the gift-wrapped ones!


Here’s one great tip!

‘Tis the season of gift giving so here are a few tips to keep you jolly!

  • Assign worrisome tasks or situations to a trusted co-worker or assistant to keep an eye on things while you are away.
  • Plan your first week back before leaving. Have a ‘to do’ list ready so you know exactly where to start when you get back to work.
  • Let everyone think you are returning a day later than you are. Use your first day back in the office to get re-oriented to what has to be done.
  • Grab your calendar for the New Year and book yourself some vacation time! (Yes, right now!)

Until next time…Grab Life by the Crown!
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About to Snap Like a Christmas Kracker?

 

xmas-headerAbout to Snap like A Christmas Kracker?  

The Burnout Queen’s 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief will help you through.

T’was the month before Christmas and we were thinking and thinking about a gift to send to all of our readers.  What to do, what to do?  First, make a list of good ideas (always a starter)…

Good news, that list already exists!  Such a perfect place to start…

 

A Partridge in a Pear Tree…Well there are enough chic chic butchers in London to definitely find a partridge, but how to stuff it in the mailing box?!

2 Turtle Doves…Definitely cute, but would prefer chocolate turtles!

3 French Hens…What’s with all the poultry?

4 Calling Birds…These days it should probably be 4 Birds a tweeting!

5 Golden Rings…Now we’re talking!  Jewellery!  Definitely Burnout Queen Style.

6 Geese a Laying…Ok , this bird fetish thing is just getting weird!

7 Swans a Swimming…Out of the question, the Queen owns all the swans!

8 Maids a Milking… Can do the Maids, but the cows pose another issue!

9 Ladies Dancing…Out in Soho still looking…(see 10 below!)

10 Lords a Leaping…Far too many men in tights!

11 Pipers Piping…Bagpipes hmmm, definitely an acquired taste.

12 Drummers Drumming…In the right setting, this could work!

 

So we made the list and checked it twice, but (sigh) no perfect gift was found.  We will just have to do what we do best and offer you 12 Days of Holiday Stress Relief!

Watch for Day 1 tomorrow!

Love from Dr Toby & Dr Bev  xx

The Burnout Queens

We decided we should chat…

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You know when someone tells you something that you need to hear but might hurt your feelings? Well that is what we are going to do here. Telling yourself that you are lousy at making decisions, or you can’t make decisions, is just another way of avoiding, putting-off and getting yourself very, very stuck. It’s time for you to face-up to decisions because sticking your neck out and making a decision increases the odds of getting what you want, and we want you to get what you want. (So,can we still be friends?)

We frequently hear, ‘I can’t make decisions’ or ‘I’m not good at decisions’. What this really means is, ‘I’m uncomfortable with decisions, they make me nervous, anxious or even fearful’. We don’t want to make the wrong decision and because of the way we have been raised we have come to believe that anything short of perfect is simply wrong!

Come to think of it we have been raised and trained to take decisions very very seriously. We were told, “If you make the wrong decision the sky is going to fall!” Oh, ok, not in so many words, it was probably more subtle, more like…

  • Well if you are sure that’s the right decision for you?
  • It’s not what I would do, but it’s your life dear!
  • If that’s the way you want to do it…
  • I guess you know what you are doing…
  • Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?

No wonder we become decision-shy. Personally, I would have preferred to hear, “Hey that’s the wrong decision!” At least I could have asked “Why?” or pouted or flounced to my room in a grand gesture!

Problem is, with these messages we actually start believing that a ‘perfect’ decision exists somewhere. Well, news flash there is no such thing as a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ decision. And there is definitely no such thing as a ‘perfect’ decision.

Instead of right or wrong (we won’t even breathe the word ‘perfect’) we need to aim for making the ‘best-fit’ decision we can at the time because all decisions depend on their circumstances. If for some reason your decision doesn’t turn out to be what you thought it would or what you wanted or needed, just make another decision.

(We’ll pause for a moment here while those of you who fell off your chairs in shock regain your decorum!)

Yes, you heard us right…just make another decision, a different one. Well, for those of us raised in the school of perfect decisions, this is new territory! We’ll go further than that, it’s a new solar system! Ok, go slow and read the next 3 lines, breathe deeply as you do, it could be a shock to your system!

Make a decision…change your mind…make another decision.
Make a decision…gain new info…make a different decision.
Make a decision…want something different…make a new decision.

No-fault decision making (certainly not your fault) keeps you moving right along, closer and closer to where you dream of being.

Everybody can make decisions! Yes, even you! If you couldn’t then you would still be lying in bed wearing your Sleeping Beauty pyjamas! This is a great opportunity to stop telling yourself that there is something you can’t do well or do at all! (Cross that off your list!)

From the moment you open your eyes in the morning till you hit the pillow at night you make decisions whether or not you want to own them. We know decisions can be nerve-wracking, so don’t expect to be Ms Cool with every decision. You may still get queasy about making a decision but the more you believe in the ‘no-fault principle’, decisions will get easier and you will gain confidence in your decision making prowess!

Of course, it is perfectly reasonable to pause and ponder when a decision is needed. It’s like stopping at the fork in the road before turning left or right. That’s cool. Time to consider, think, feel and listen to your gut or intuition. But don’t you dare lie to yourself about NOT making a decision. You are deciding to not decide, it’s a ‘no-decision decision’ which is a perfectly legitimate decision, but a decision nonetheless.

We have to own them all: deciding for, deciding against,
and deciding not to decide.

Darlings forget right or wrong, and definitely forget perfect! Instead aim to make wise decisions. We know you can be absolutely great at doing that. How do we know that, well being highly sensitive, perceptive and creative means you make unique decisions, maybe even ones that others don’t necessarily understand, but by the time you reach your decision it will have your style stamped all over it. Now that’s what makes a decision great and one you want to own…your style!

Here’s one great tip!

Take your clue from flipping a coin. First flip didn’t come out the way you wanted? Going for the ‘best 2 out of 3’? Probably means you know what decision you want. Most of us flip the coin till it comes out the way we want. Cut to the chase. Trust yourself. You know.

Until next time…Grab Life by the Crown!
Dr Toby & Dr Bev

Where’s Your Raging Redhead?

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Or your blonde bombshell? Your adventure athlete? Your ballerina? Your inner pop-star? Maybe even your stand-up comic? Do you have days when the ‘other woman’ inside you is screaming to get out?

Rediscovering who you were ‘meant to be’, maybe ‘born to be’, plays a huge role in getting over burnout!

As we trudge along the burnout path, living up to everyone else’s expectations, plans or dreams for us (not to mention all the obligations and responsibilities), we lose ourselves. Over time we become someone we are not! Of course you don’t see it at the time, it happens bit by bit, then one day you look in the mirror and don’t recognise yourself! (insert overly dramatic scream!)

Just the other day my gorgeous blonde VIP client exclaimed, “I’m so not the person I am! There is a raging redhead in here and she’s screaming to get out!” (I swear when I heard this a chorus of angels broke into the Hallelujah Chorus! Honest!)

I know my client as dynamic, extraordinarily successful and brilliant at what she does. She is funny, creative and sees life very very clearly albeit sometimes at a 45 degree angle! (Ah, the beauty of being creative and sensitive!) At this point she has climbed the corporate ladder almost to the top, but is soooo done with it all! She feels exhausted, fed-up and pretty ‘homesick’ for her true self. You see, the corporate exec wasn’t really who she started in life as. Her best friend from way back recently said, “I remember you as quirky, funky, funny, cool, adventurous and creative.”

The toll can be great when you are living life as someone you were not born to be.

How did she get so lost?

  • By trying to do the right thing.
  • By trying to please the important people in her life.
  • By being there for everybody.
  • By being smart and good at many things.
  • By taking on board everybody else’s opinions.

Like my client, we can all get trapped by our own success: keep getting promoted, make more money, earn more degrees, build our reputation, until it feels harder and harder to escape. On top of all that life happens. The years tick by, you get buried under responsibility, family pressures, and even your own lifestyle! You get stuck in.

As you burnout you start feeling empty and lost. You find yourself questioning everything you ever thought you wanted, dreamed-of or achieved. Slowly the knowledge and vision of who you were ‘meant’ to be grows dimmer and dimmer.

Reconnecting with who you are requires courage and truth. Then it requires action. Don’t worry, you don’t have to go running off to the Himalayas to ‘find’ yourself. We don’t even believe that you have to change your career dramatically, overhaul your entire life or throw out the kids!

What we know from so deep down inside us is that you have to listen to your inner queen that is whispering, or screaming, at you from the top of her lungs.

Getting over burnout is never about simply stopping stress, having less to do, learning time management or about ‘a,b,c’ prioritising!! (Oh no no that is soooo not us! Boring!) Getting over burnout is deeper, bigger, bolder and more profound. (and definitely more fun!)

So, do you want to stop feeling so exhausted, depleted or ‘grey’ about your life? Do you want to start living a life in full colour? “YES” your inner queen is screaming! Then it is definitely time for you to reconnect with YOUR raging redhead!

Here’s one great tip!

Ask someone who’s known you through the ages and who really gets you, maybe a longterm friend or sibling, how they remember you?

Ask them to describe you in a couple of paragraphs written in the 3rd person. (We need to remove some of the ‘do I dare say it’ to her factor!) It’s just easier for them to describe you if they write, “She was…” . It’s more like a character and after all, you are the leading lady in your own story!

Until next time…Grab Life by the Crown!

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Articles we love to share from Huffpost

white violetToday I read a great article in The Third Metric (Huffington Post) that I want to share, because it captures the essence of being a highly sensitive person in a way that will breathe a sigh of relief for some of you.

16 Habits of Highly Sensitive People is a great intro to what this type of person is, who they are and what fantastic characteristics they possess.

Did you know that 1 in 5 people relate to being ‘highly sensitive’.  Now that’s a massive amount of people and The Burnout Queens are very proud to be counted amongst this grouping.  No shame, just pure embracing of the traits and intricacies of being intuitive, sensitive and creative.  We both relate to each of the 16 habits spoken about.

In fact, most of our international clientelle are highly sensitive, creative and dynamic women from all parts of the globe.  It is such a joy to speak with them and watch them blossom when they realise the strength of their natural sensitive traits.  No ‘shrinking violets’ among them….

When you read this article, see if  YOU can count yourself as one of the five.  You will be in some great company, guaranteed!

16 Habits of Highly Sensitive People (Amanda Chan)

The Burnout Queens xx

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