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Email skills up to snuff?

I love reading my Inc.com online alerts.  This one just jumped out at me.  “5 Email Mistakes That Make You Look Extremely Unprofessional”

As a highly sensitive entrepreneur I take great pride in how I write my emails.  Do you?  Well, according to this article you definitely should.  As I read it I had reactions to it (as a highly sensitive entrepreneur of course and a psychologist as well) so here’s my opinion on a great article, starting with the first of Peter’s 5 points.

 

1 Unstructured Criticism:  First I hate the word criticism it’s so unconstructive.  I prefer feedback because people tend to listen when it’s called feedback.  The article says don’t ‘blast negativity at someone through an email’.  Yes, words can appear harsher in print without the tone or facial expressions of the messenger.

For us highly sensitive person biz types, we love ‘seeing and hearing’ face and tone movements and levels.  It gives me much more scope for the meaning of the words and the overall sense of the message I am being given.  This way I definitely know how the messenger feels.   Ho-hum, I know this is not always possible so…

The Inc article suggests delivering your criticism in ‘the compliment sandwich’ way!  This sounds nice, but when I taught communication 101 at university this type of sandwich while nicer didn’t always digest well, particularly when using words like “great job Sue, but….”  I can guarantee that Sue didn’t dwell on the great job part of the message, but she probably ruminated over all the stuff that came after BUT.

(On a psychological note, the truth and reality of a message always comes after the BUT).

The Burnout Queens suggest using kinder words overall.  There is no need to be negative.  Instead, focus on the strength of the person’s skills and encourage them in your feedback to use their strengths to correct themselves and their work.  “Sue I loved the energy and creativity at the beginning of your report.  Is there some way you can end it on that same enthusiastic and creative note?”   Sue may actually shine and be proud of the outcome.

Next post, I’ll give you the HSP scoop on one more Email Mistake in this article.  In the meantime, why not try The Burnout Queens’  Strength Building Feedback Style for the next few days with your colleagues (wink: it works with the kids and yourself as well).

If you’ve been served the compliment sandwich, let us know and what it may you feel like.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

For the original  Inc.com article click here

 

4 Thoughts That Signal It’s Time to Change

Your Revolving Door Style | How to become a Diva of change

How do you know when it is time to embrace change?

    • When life smacks you upside the head and you get jolted out of complacency…it might be time.
    • If you find yourself fantasizing about “how life would be” if, or you are envious of other peoples’ adventures…it might be time.
    • If you get up in the morning with a sinking feeling about work, a relationship, or your major at school…it might be time.
    •  If you feel a desire bursting inside you that you have ignored for years…it might be just the time.

If you still need clarification about when and how to change, read our last Feature Article about Becoming the Diva of Change.

 

Rest for the Soul

dandelionWe awoke to a great new research study being talked about on BBC Breakfast earlier this week.  It’s called The Anatomy of Rest and perhaps you’ve heard about it by now.  If not, let us share some of the findings with you.

We are talking about REST, which is not to be confused with Sleep.  There has been plenty of research conducted on sleep patterns, amount of sleep, sleep deprivation, etc, etc, etc.  For the first time there is a study on rest.  18,000 people  from 134 countries took a Rest Test by BBC Radio 4 and Wellcome Collection’s researchers Hubbub.  What do you think they found?

The findings are bang on with what we at The Burnout Queens and all our community of highly sensitive and exhausted women know all too well.  We need and want more rest!

2/3 of the people in this study said they wanted more rest.  When asked what would rest look like, it came in different forms, everything from sleeping, sipping coffee, sitting in front of the TV and doing ultramarathons.  The top ‘rest activity’ came as a surprise to the research team… Reading. The other top activities were ‘being in nature’, music and being alone.  It seems the majority of us need and want regular solitude to rest and restore ourselves.

So why don’t we rest more?  The report showed we feel guilty when we squeeze out time for ourselves.  I don’t think this is surprising to women.  We feel selfish and self-centred (which means our guilt and stress rises) when we take time away from everything and everybody else in our lives to have a quiet moment for us. Women are already living in a state of exhaustion and don’t think they have the ‘time’ to recoup.  We have to turn that notion on it’s head. The ultimate gift we can give ourselves is to consciously and deliberately create an inner calm that will make us more resilient to the outside world.

Now here’s the easy part. The Burnout Queens have designed a fast, simple and extremely effective group of  21audios and videos that help you create that inner calm and resilience needed in your everyday life.  Quiet the Buzz of Everyday Life…creating calm for the Highly Sensitive Woman can be done anywhere, anytime; walking, shopping, waiting for the kids, on your break, waiting for your latte.  Promise.

Why not see for yourself and solve the dilemma of rest, calm and quiet within yourself?!?   Watch our video about Quiet the Buzz and get yourself started now

Embrace the calm!

With love, The Burnout Queens

 

My BFF ‘Denial’ Made Me Burn Out…so we fell out!

2 women whispering

Meet my BFF Denial.  She has helped me in so many ways throughout my life, both personally and in my business.  I could always count on Denial to get me through any busy-ness or crisis.  We were so close she knew what I wanted before I did!  Now that’s friendship (or so I thought)!

 

 

It turns out that having a friend like Denial on my side was my ticket to becoming a reluctant Burnout Queen!

Denial was by my side when I was building my psychology practice. In a year the business grew to six-figures and our expertise was sought after!  Fabulous, but it came with a price.  When I was working day and night, over-stretched and over-stressed with all the hours of patients, meetings, on top of my PhD research, Denial encouraged me to:

  • ignore my body’s aches and pains,
  • keep my head down and keep going
  • ignore the urge to take a break and ‘grab’ dinner
  • stay focused on completing the task, project, obligation no matter what.

All I wanted to do was give in.  I felt weak; I just needed to go home and get some sleep.  Denial was my rock-solid support.  She urged me to dig in, work harder, push through and not lift my head until it was done.  I was exhausted and dazed but thanks to her support and driving force, deadlines were met and success secured!

Denial was there for me again when I was feeling unwell with heart palpitations, migraines and serious injuries after a major car accident.  She  would whisper in my ear, “You don’t have time to be sick.  You’ve got to keep going for everybody.”  She kept me going…visiting my Dad in hospital, making sure my elderly Mum had groceries, keeping the house perfectly clean, and never missing a day of work.  She was absolutely right, there was no time for my own health.

Just keep going, dig deeper, plod on girlfriend!

What a friend.  Denial secured my reputation as kind, helpful and always there for everyone, (just the way my Mother had  taught me) to my detriment.

Then one day, out of the blue (or so I thought), I fell asleep on the kitchen floor while feeding the cat.  Four hours later, with the cat looking bemused at me from his vantage point, my BFF Denial was nowhere to be found!  She had thrown me under the bus!  She had become someone else’s BFF in an instant.

Without Denial,  I had no voice to tell me to ignore myself; no cheerleader to give me the push to keep going.  I wanted to run away.  Without Denial by my side my world suddenly seemed insurmountable.  I couldn’t escape the facts anymore as I began to see the truth of how burnt-out I was!

  • Physically, I didn’t feel well.
  • I was so exhausted I didn’t want to face another day.
  • I was snippy & snappy with everyone who wanted something from me (Didn’t they see I wasn’t well?).
  • I could no longer pull ‘it’ out of my hat and keep going (energy bunny had abandoned me too!).
  • I was gutted, exhausted, and ashamed that I looked inept and weak (after all I was a therapist who could cope).

Here’s the good news!

It was the best thing that could have happened to me when Denial disappeared. I was forced to acknowledge myself in small ways and big ways.  I learned to meet obligations and responsibilities on my terms.  I began to make decisions, choices, and plans that suited my needs first and foremost.

It had to start with me!  As I listened to my body and my soul I began to understand…

  • when to take a few minutes to breathe,
  • when and whom to say ‘No’ to (there are many ways to do this I have found),
  • how to get my health back on track (and keep it there),
  • how to regain and sustain my energy,
  • my need to sleep, to eat, and to respect and honour what I need throughout my day.

Now I have a new BFF and her name is ‘Aware’ and she is nothing like ‘Denial’.  Aware listens to my inner voice.  She knows when I’ve had enough, and she knows when to reach for that extra dream.  She responds to my spirit.

Aware gently taps my shoulder and says,

“You are priority one.  Without you there isn’t much else”.

Aware has made me realise that when I take care of myself my business works better and I have a better quality of life and love.

 If you find yourself in the company of Denial, don’t be afraid or ashamed to walk away from that ‘friendship’ with conviction.  Head on over to self-awareness and honesy, trust us it’s more invigorating than scarey.  When you team up with Aware you open yourself up to all the possibilities and dreams that happen when you live waaayyyy beyond burnout.

Cheers to finding new friends!  The Burnout Queens xx

[The Burnout Queens wrote this article as a guest blog for The Girls Mean Business]

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