Dr Toby | The Burnout Queens

Not My Responsibility!

January 22, 2016

Twice this week clients, professional HSP working women, have wanted my opinion about situations that had come up at work and the common denominator…is this my responsibility?

Responsibility is tricky for us highly sensitive (dare I say, oh sure why not since I’m one too!) perfectionistic, over-achieving, and highly ethical and responsible women! You see we have been raised and trained to take responsibility for everything and anything whether it actually is our responsibility or not! And we step up and then we stew about it. Two scenarios:

First one: Client is aware that a colleague is partaking in some pretty unethical behaviour. My client had alerted the owners of the company about this possibility when they hired this other worker – it wasn’t a suggestion to not hire them just to keep an eye on them. Over and over again my client tried to raise the red flag, which was part of her original consultancy responsibility but wasn’t really listened to by the powers that be. This time my client directly addressed the situation with the person who was carrying out this questionable behaviour to be met with a complete ‘who cares!’ attitude. So now she was wondering do I go to ‘the bosses’ with it? Lots of you are probably saying, ‘of course!’ (probably because you are also HSPs full of integrity).

My response…not your responsibility any longer, let it go. They didn’t listen to you before, they are not going to listen now. Take yourself off the hook and don’t enter a contentious situation.

Second situation: Budget! My client, a financial exec, brings forward an invoice of varying tech costs with a whole list of reasons why some should be excluded from these tech consultants. Bosses attitude is “just pay it!” But, but, but…

My response…not your company, his company, you did your job, you raised the issue, you showed him the evidence…pay it, it’s his money!

I’ll probably have lots of people disagreeing with me, even I disagree with me sometimes! However, I also know that our proclivity to take 150% responsibility for things that aren’t ultimately our responsibility gets us into trouble.

Take the steps you need to feel like you can look at yourself in the mirror, know you have done your best, then let it go. You can’t be right, or listened to, all the time. Darn!

Love, Dr Toby (The Burnout Queens)) xx

What’s Age Anymore?

January 21, 2016

You know when you rush through a station and something catches your eye, well I was rushing through the internet the other day and this blog caught my eye. It was called Wonder Women: The Stars Who’ve Turned Seventy and Still Continue to Shine (by Alison Coldridge, 19/01/2016). I had to have a look and I can only say…Wow! These women are inspirational, not just because they have celebrity or look amazing, but because they are still relevant and working at what they love to do. I swear that is why they are all so beautiful. So here is their list, then we added a few of our own.

Their list: Dolly Parton (70); Diane Keaton (70); Bette Midler (70); Helen Mirren (70); Debbie Harry (70); Jane Fonda (78); Vivienne Westwood (74); Grace Coddington (74); Goldie Hawn (70); Tina Turner (76); Judi Dench (81); Maggie Smith (81); Joan Collins (82) .

Our additions: Mary Berry (80); Shirley Bassey (79); Cleo Laine (88); Angela Lansbury (90); Queen Elizabeth (90); Bridget Riley (84); Rose Hilton (85); Louise Hay (89); Joanna Lumley (70); Carole King (73); Carly Simon (70); Daphne Selfe (85); Yoko Ono (82); Carmen Dell’Orefice (84).

I know someone out there is going to say they are all stars, well you are right they are all stars in their known field and many of them have made massive contributions behind the scenes as humanitarians and activists as well.

We know them, we see them and I for one appreciate their visibility. I wish it were as easy to name off all the brilliant women scientists, philosophers, legal minds, or economists who are still working at what they are passionate about past 70! If you know of some please share so we can all broaden our horizons.

Take a moment and look up some of their accomplishments. I’ll simply say it again, Wow!

With love and inspiration to all…Dr. Toby (The Burnout Queens) xx

Late For An Important Date?

January 20, 2016

If you are a woman always struggling to show up on time, this is for you.

We know you are juggling so many balls in the air that it’s often hard to fit everything into your day. Quite often you may find yourself running late. More often you overbook your day because you are busy running around for everyone else in your life (in which case, we need to talk). You may even want to re-acquaint yourself with Dr B’s post September 10th, 2015 about her client’s struggle with time.

But fear not dear one, The Burnout Queens have a Contingency System designed for you. Between your bookings, jobs, school run, clients, meetings, and any blank space in your diary think…

20 30 40 50 or 60 MINUTE INTERVALS

The result? Travel time, shifting gears, grabbing lunch, finding your breath…all sorted. Who knows, you may even have time for a quiet cuppa and cake (a Burnout Queens must-do)!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

If You Are A No Show Alert, Alert!

January 19, 2016

What do you do when a client doesn’t show up for the second time in the month and it was booked and rebooked?

You have a choice. As a sensitive and creative therapist/coach in the past I would have been flexible to the point of giving in to the non-existent structure of the client. And of course, to keep the client’s business.

Now, I perceive the constant ‘no show’ as a sign that motivation is gone for this client, and my time and energy invested with my heart and training is not taken seriously, nor deemed worth much!

So the choice…new rules learned over the years is to give clients a 15 minute window of lateness and then get on with things. No sense chasing around after someone who is not able (nor wants) to be caught.

We have a motto in our business based on an old commercial in the US: ‘catch you now, or catch you later’ and it has always been spot on. If it’s not the client’s time, it won’t happen, but when it is…they will be back!

I am sure that many highly sensitive and smart women in business give clients the extra, extra mile and ‘do’ the right thing by their clientele. Ladies, ‘do’ the right thing by your own self. Stretching too far sometimes means you loosen too much of your self and self-respect.

Evolution. Dr Bev (The Burnout Queens) xx

Be The Woman You Were Meant To Be!

December 19, 2015

Are you ready? Are you ready to step out into the world as the authentic powerful, sensitive and creative woman you are? Well, my Darlings, the world is ready and waiting for you!

It’s time! It’s time to stand strong in who you are and stop pretending you are less! It’s time for you to shout it to the world…

“It’s COOL to be ME!”

The world needs you! You have an obligation to share your brilliance with the world so that the rest of us can grow in wisdom, depth, compassion and understanding.

When you embrace your strengths, talents, and gifts you contribute to the world.
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Whenever you are true to yourself you inspire others. You inspire your family, your friends, and your colleagues. In fact, you can be an inspiration to anyone you connect with. Everyone has something unique to offer and by living your own unique truth you give others the courage to do the same.

In an everyday spiritual kind of way you are inspirational just being yourself.
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So we have to ask…Do you keep parts of yourself secreted away? Do you hide, discredit, minimise or deny your true gifts? It’s time for you to own your truth and be clear about what you have to offer!

So, there is no more time for excuses! It’s time for you to value your talents, gifts and strengths and it’s definitely time for you to share your beliefs, ideas, and opinions! When you do you will be amazed at how opportunities and possibilities open up in your life.

Now, maybe up to this point you haven’t been comfortable about giving the gift of being yourself to yourself, but we know you are very good at doing for others or you wouldn’t be a Burnout Queen! So here’s the thing…with more and more opportunities in your own life you have more ways to touch others, open doors for them, encourage them and lift them up! Now that feels really good.

The clock is about to strike midnight on the year, but it’s never too late! In fact, it is always the perfectly right time to be the woman you were meant to be. Get ready to stand up bravely and boldly and say…

Hey World…this is ME!
And it’s COOL to be ME!

We love you Burnout Queens! Let the world know how great you are! It’s time to show up in your life…crown and all!

PS. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

PPS! Introducing The Burnout Queens Christmas Chaos Charity Campaign 2015. This year we have a gift for you and a matched donation to WaterAid to uplift a young girl in a disadvantaged part of the world. Win-win! You get to conquer the dreaded holiday family gatherings once and for all, and a young girl gets a darn good education. Now that’s the holiday spirit Burnout Queen style! Join our Campaign here…

https://theburnoutqueens.com/christmas-chaos/