Dr Toby | The Burnout Queens

Ex-client dropped me a line

January 18, 2017

I love opening my inbox to pleasant surprises.

Periodically and unexpectantly I hear from past clients out of the blue. It always starts with “I don’t know if you remember me, but I wanted to let you know” . The truth is, I remember all of them!

In my work as a therapist and coach I often witness the planting of new seeds, new ideas, new dreams in women who want to cultivate a good life for themselves. It’s a privilege and responsibility to help them design and create their lives.

Sometimes I am not present for the full blossoming of such a new and inspiring spirit. I wonder whatever happened to so-and-so. Where did she end up. I hope she is living happily. And then I wake to this kind of email. I smile and cry as I read this from a young 20 something who is now 40 something as she shares the blossoming and depth of her life.

I have always made one request of my women clients…never settle, be happy and inspire another woman’s life when you can.

So get ready, really ready to be inspired!

“This message is for Bev. I wonder if you remember me? You have helped many people through the years, and I was one of them twenty years ago. My name is Deirdre M. I just wanted to tell you that your influence in my life has changed – and continues to inform – me in many ways. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Guess where I am right now? I am at the eating disorder clinic in Castlegar, BC, waiting to see a client. How I remember when I was sitting where she sits today. I received my masters in counselling this past year, and work for Interior Health in the Kootenays. I am raising a daughter who is almost 16. I have a wonderful life, and you had so much to do with that! My best friend is still Maria, whom you also counselled. She lives in New York, and we meet up at least twice a year and go travelling.

I’m sure you hear stories of gratitude often enough, but maybe one cannot hear that often enough. I am inspired by the life you two seem to be living – congratulations! I also want to get a PhD, but that will wait a few years.

Thanks again – I hope you are having a wonderful fall!

Much love, Deirdre”

Thanks Deirdre for allowing me to share this and to inspire other women to move forward in their lives with a sense of not knowing, but becoming who they are meant to be!

Love, Dr B (The Burnout Queens)

Seeking Beauty

October 20, 2016

“Oh I can’t afford beautiful things”…

How often I hear this from women who are in jobs they hate, barely making ends meet and thinking they won’t find beauty in their life until something changes.

Well, something can change and that something is how we seek beauty.

You don’t have to purchase anything to have beauty in your life. Here’s one of the ways I seek beauty.

Stress instantly gets replaced by beauty when I walk into a beautiful florist shop. Gorgeous flower displays in a shop window entice me in. I just let the colours, smells and atmosphere start filling my brain with happiness. It’s a beautiful thing.

As always, thank you Florian the Florist, Hove! It’s always a delight to step inside your shop!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

True story of a smart highly sensitive woman

October 20, 2016

I was reminded of #19 the other day and the power one little action step can have in a person’s life.

Helen (a member of The Realm) wrote Dr T & I about a fire that happened in her home. She said it would have been so much worse if she hadn’t taken this one little action step (taken from our free guide Be The Queen of Calm, Cool & Collected…60 fabulous tips to help you live with less pressure and more ease). Here’s what she wrote:

Hello lovely ladies – Bev and Toby one of the reasons we were ok and that we didn’t lose the roof was that last weekend I decided to try calm and collected no. 19 -clear out! Previously there had been lots of IKEA toys in the roof space just above the seat of the fire, we cleared these last weekend and took them to a charity shop. The fire investigator said had they still been in situ dripping molten plastic and toxic fumes would have spread the fire and endangered the life of anyone attempting to put out the blaze – I.e. me and hubby. Following your advice saved me from being a burnt to toast queen! Thank you so much xx

And here’s #19 for you to take action on. This could just make you the Queen of calm, cool and collected too.

#19 Clear out and get clear!

When your overwhelm button gets pushed…declutter. A good tidy-up makes you feel back in charge in a flash. (And it’s soooo productive!) Go ahead and pick a closet, a drawer, a handbag, your desk or a filing cabinet and get going. Choose your strategy: recycle, sort, shred, donate, sell or simply bin it. Use that unwelcome moment of overwhelm to clear up the junk in your life…literally and figuratively!

I absolutely love that our tips and solutions are so profound in making a woman’s life simpler, easier and in Helen’s case, safer. Thank you for sharing this with us Helen, you deserve tea and cake!

Why not be like Helen and grab our free guide Be the Queen of Calm, Cool & Collected. Just enter your details in the box below. You will thank yourself at some point, we guarantee it.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

Castles, business and the steep climb

October 18, 2016

This summer I had the good fortune of visiting two castles in the SE of England. They are both beautiful ancient structures that require a bit of legwork to take advantage of magnificant views from the top of what’s called ‘the castle keep’.

I didn’t climb the tallest, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity at Lewes Castle’s Keep which is the remaining structure still standing from the 1060’s (think about this for a moment)! To say the view is breathtaking over the South Downs is an understatement.

It was a 35 step climb (I can be OCD on these things) and while I was on my way up I thought this is just like building a business. Bear with me, my mind can jump into biz mode when least expected.

I climbed the first flight not knowing how far up it would go and it landed me in an open space where I could catch my breath and look at a view much higher than where I had started from. Next flight got narrower, steeper and I was a little winded (and relieved) by the time I reached the next plateau. The view was amazing and now, although I could see the ultimate steepness of the last flight to the top, I was eager to go. I could sense the excitement of climbing out onto the top of the Keep, although I didn’t know exactly what to expect. The last climb was hard and left me breathless, but I was so glad I didn’t turn away and descend before I had challenged myself on the last leg of the staircase. The reward was worth every moment.

It really is like building your business. You start at the bottom and you don’t know where the top is. Each climb gets you to a new plateau, giving you new knowledge and perspective on what you are doing and why. You plan the next phase and then it’s time to take action by stretching yourself further. Each time you stretch and climb you need that little extra muscle, energy and focus to reach the top…even when you don’t know what is waiting.

I love a learning curve and I love discovery. 35 steps to the top may seem small, but when it’s an ancient ruin full of tiny stone steps, a steep climb and openings narrow enough to barely accommodate a bow and arrow those 35 steps are profoundly magical.

Ready to climb?

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

10 Years Stronger and loving it

October 4, 2016

The Realm’s weekly postcard with it’s assignment arrived in my inbox this past Sunday. It made me think about the question and how I would answer it, and so I posted in our private facebook page.

Then I thought, this is important, so I’m sharing it here as well.

The assignment for this week’s The Realm postcard asked our members to think not about their age, but about what or how age has changed them for the better over the last 10 years. So here was my answer….

” 10 years on and I am stronger and more able to say NO to people and things that aren’t right for me. How did I come to this? After several ‘crazy and manipulative’ people in my life pre UK and here as well, I can clearly and quickly see the train wreck coming towards me, so I say NO and get out. It may look like I’m a rude or unfriendly person, but having experienced prolonged relationships with friends, colleagues and family members who were not good for my health and mind, I have learned I have a choice to look after me.”

Here are my examples (and feel free to leave yours in the comments below)

If someone blames me for something they clearly did themselves…they are banished quickly (my new Burnout Queen rules)
If someone undermines, smears or belittles me and what I know in order to bolster their own inadequacies…they are banished immediately.
If someone wants to talk only and always about themselves, and never asks about me…they are given a few chances…and then they are banished forever!

Some people will judge this as b**chy (and believe you me they have and on several occasions convinced me I was) but I don’t mind because 10 years on, my heart is in the right place and I am firm about what I have learned the hard way.

Life post-burnout is ‘very’ different thankfully.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx