Dr Bev

Co-owner, The Burnout Queens

Like we don’t have enough to worry about…

wine-red-1023890232Too often these days we are hearing from our VIP clients, successful, intelligent and sensitive women, that they are ‘relying’ (that’s our word, not theirs) on that glass or two of wine to unwind or dial down their stress at the end of a day.

Of course there is nothing taboo about drinking a glass of wine with dinner;    even everynight is probably ok (as long as it’s not one of those industrial sized glasses).  Not at all.  BUT we get worried when we hear that attempts to change this pattern result in more stress, tension, frustration, pressure, and even anger.  (yup, that’s when we call it ‘a problem’).

Our clients tell us how they can’t wait to get home from work so they can pour that glass of wine to sip while cooking dinner…maybe another while they chill out (for all of 5 minutes!) once the kids are in bed, or how after dinner that extra glass or two offsets the loneliness after a divorce or breakup.  Maybe you are experiencing something similar.

So what’s going on here?  Well, everyday women juggle so many life stressors that they constantly feel over-busy, over-extended, pressured, exhausted and depleted.  Which means that they turn to ‘false cures’ like that extra glass of wine in an attempt to relax, get to sleep, forget their worries, or to shake-off  tension. 

Women‘react’ to alcohol differently than men and it is not just because we are smaller or more delicate!  This is serious stuff!   Research has pointed out that:

  • women get drunk on lower levels of alcohol than men
  • women experience blackouts at lower blood alcohol levels than men
  • women experience liver disease from alcohol earlier in age than men
  • womens’ body mass and composition, hormones included, are different than men’s and make them more vulnerable to alcohol related problems earlier in life

We also know that more women are now dying from alcohol related disease than at any period in the past.  Like we don’t have enough going on to worry about!!! 

We know that a good part of it is because having ‘a glass of wine’ is continually portrayed by media as a good coping skill for stressful stuff.  Watch any soap and you will see what we mean!

Here’s the good news!  (We are The Burnout Queens we always an up-side.)  With the right combo of self-awareness and information, along with active-coping skills (and we can teach you these) that successfully prevent burnout and keep stress and tension at workable levels ‘cause it’s not going away, women can be healthy and successful…and able to enjoy a glass of wine or two without the guilt, worry or health concerns.

Come on Burnout Queens, let’s not adopt what were traditionally male behaviours (drinks after work to unwind or a liquid lunch!) and make them ours… we are waaaay smarter than that!

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Here’s one great tip:

Next time you go to pour that glass, be brutally honest with yourself.  What are you telling yourself about it?  What’s your mind chatter?  Then set yourself a small challenge to reduce the number of glasses of wine you have each week.  If you still really want one every night with dinner, get a smaller glass, or every other night substitute a ‘cooler’ (half wine, half sparkling soda).

Until next time, grab life by the crown!  

A burnout queen goes on vacation

cottage lakeI did it!!!!!

This was the email that arrived in Dr Toby’s inbox yesterday from a VIP CFO & Burnout Queen.

“I’m on vacation.  I got everything done that I needed to, got my statements caught up.  Got my emails sent and even cleaned off my desk AND left at 3:00pm for my hair appointment.  Yeah Me”

This is a major turnaround for “L” as she usually leaves at the last second, packing furiously and flinging herself on a plane to the summer cottage.  Not this year.  Not this Burnout Queen…she’s got it at last…putting herself Front & Centre and getting it organised on time and without struggle.   We think she deserves to blow her own horn.

From The Burnout Queens, have a great vacation “L”!

Is it burnout or depression? The Burnout Queens know.

Oh woe is me | Lady FaintingWe get asked this all the time and it’s a really good question.  Many of the experiences and feelings of burnout can easily be mistaken or misdiagnosed as depression.  But when it comes to burnout and depression, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, don’t assume it’s a duck! 

Although burnout is not the same as depression it is pretty depressing to feel burned-out!  By the time most of us admit to being fried, we are miserable.  There is nothing fun about feeling exhausted, spent, drained, uninspired and unenthusiastic about life.  Big problem, however, when you visit your doctor and describe your symptoms of burnout it is pretty easy to mistake them for depression unless your medical professional is really conversant with the complete clinical picture of burnout.  Far too often, especially for women, a visit to a health care professional ends up with a diagnosis of ‘depression’ or ‘just stress’ and a costly prescription for anti-depressants.  Neither of which are helpful.  In fact, diagnosing ‘just stress’ is downright dangerous and  although anti-depressants may temporarily make you feel less ‘down’ they will not in any way, shape or form, rescue you from burnout.

When you are burned out, you are disillusioned, disheartened, disappointed and depleted.  You are not ‘sick’.  You don’t need drugs.  We have to repeat this because it is soooo important for highly sensitive and creative women to understand…anti-depressants will not ‘cure’ burnout.   And, if you are an HSP you may experience more side effects than benefits from the medication.  Let’s be clear, we don’t believe burnout needs to be ‘cured’ at all.  Burnout is a gift, an opportunity we can learn from if we listen.  What a wake-up call!   If you are burned out it means one thing…life isn’t going as you planned or wanted it to, what better time to re-dream it all.

(Now before anyone out there gets all bent out of shape, of course, there is a completely appropriate place for medication in the treatment of severe forms of depression and some women get great benefits from anti-depressants.  We know this from over 30 years of clinical experience as psychotherapists for women!  However, we also know that in many situations they are not called for.  Anti-depressants are over-prescribed in our current culture and burnout by and large does not warrant them.  Moving on…)  

After treating women for everything from anxiety to eating disorders to burnout we know how to distinguish burnout from depression.  It can be complicated but simply put, with true clinical depression nothing relieves the feelings of loss, sadness, and hopelessness.  Everything is viewed with the same gloom and nothing gives you a lift.  There is barely a view of the future let alone a rosy one.  When depressed it feels like there is a thick black blanket lying over everything and it is suffocating you.  Nothing relieves this.

In distinct contrast, when you are burned out you look forward to the future and to regaining your usual dynamic self.  If you know where to look you will still find pockets of interest, enthusiasm, motivation and hope existing, hidden but still there, you just have to know where and how to look.

When women talk about life beyond burnout, they light-up with excitement, anticipation and desire for the future.  With the right guidance they begin to change the present and re-dream and recreate their future.

Burnout means that you are properly fried and frazzled!  You have taken care of everyone else’s needs without tending to your own.  You have been in overdrive for far too long trying to be and do your best.  Pressures and challenges have piled up on you.   Maybe you have experienced an accumulation of life shifts and life shocks with the same result as when you plug too many hairdryers into one outlet!  Now feeling like that IS depressing, but it doesn’t mean you are depressed.

So here is the answer once and for all.  Feeling depressed because you are burned-out is completely different than clinical depression.   

To overcome burnout, and to go on to live a burnout-free lifestyle (yes Virginia it is absolutely possible) you have to understand your highly sensitive and burnout prone personality, embrace your gifts, strengths, and personal power and establish a few new pro-active coping skills.

Et Voila!  Bye-bye Burnout…Hello high potential living!    

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Here’s one great tip:

If you are feeling pretty overwhelmed or discouraged about life these days, take a couple of days away from what you do.  ( Sure phone in sick, just don’t tell them it was our idea.)  Then buy a beautiful new notebook (we all love new notebooks they scream optimism) and take yourself out for the day.

Start dreaming and writing a big Wish List for the future.  Dream wide and wild.  If you seriously can’t find anything to dream about or to look forward to, absolutely nothing, then maybe it is time to talk to someone knowledgeable.  Dare we suggest?  (Of course we dare!)  Go to our website and sign up for a Burnout Crisis Call.  One call and we can help you determine what is going on, maybe even set a few strategies in place so you can get ‘out of stuck’.  Don’t be shy.  Better to know than to wonder.

Until next time, grab life by the crown!  

Dr Toby & Dr Bev,

THE BURNOUT QUEENS!

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