Newsletter articles
Knowledge is power ladies, so we thought we would share an article find with you today.
Women burning out may or may not be a new concept for you, but it’s an IMPORTANT concept. Here’s a great ‘starter’ article from Fast Company that dropped into my inbox. 5 Ways to Lean In Without Burning Out by Vanessa Loder & Lisa Abramson. (click here to read)
Have a read and make some changes. What have you got to lose exhausted lady?
with love, The Burnout Queens
Do you ever feel like you are the only one clapping on the off-beat at a concert? Maybe the one swaying in the ‘wrong’ direction for the ballad?
(I just have to say, and I know our HSP readers will likely relate, thank goodness at concerts mobile phones are now used for lights to sway with! My HSP self was always sure someone’s hair was going to be set on fire when lighters were used! Ok, just had to get that out there.)
In our last feature article we talked about burnout as a result of a lousy fit job. Well we know for sure that some of you have grown up feeling like you have a lousy fit life! Unfortunately for many if not most Highly Sensitive women (HSPs) feeling ‘off-beat’ is an easily recognisable and pretty common feeling.
As an HSP I have gone through the majority of my life (well since becoming a precociously conscious child) feeling like everyone else had received the ‘right’ sheet music except me. I definitely hummed my own tune. And that has never stopped no matter what decade I am living.
Of course being off-time presents some ‘sticky-wickets’ to navigate!
Like we said, sticky wickets, but the majority of our angst comes from cultural attitudes and beliefs about what is the ‘right time’ in life. That attitude is just sooo old! It is time to throw out the rule book. Give up the notion of ‘right or wrong’.
We believe that it’s always the ‘right’time. We believe you can never be ‘off-time’ for your life. We believe you are always in exactly the place you are meant to be. Your life is never on diversion or detour. Living this belief takes a major leap of faith. We just know…
It certainly means accepting, embracing, and holding high every fabulous HSP molecule of your being. Who cares if you are always out of sync with the masses. You were not designed to be one of the masses!
You are a Burnout Queen! You are unique.
Make this your mantra. Now stick it up all over the place so you can see it all the time and soak it in.
Until next time…Grab Life by the Crown!
One of the things that leads to burnout faster than anything is being in a lousy fit job! We’ve probably all been there at one time or another in our working careers (I know I sure have).
So, how do you know if you are in a lousy fit job? Well…
Oh if I put myself back in that place in my life (horrors!) I could quadruple that list in a blink of an eye.
So, what happens when we keep on finding jobs that cause blisters like a bad pair of sandals?
We feel miserable, like we are failing, even embarrassed when we try to explain to someone how bad work feels. I remember that as soon as I would try to explain I would hear some variation of, “…but it’s a good job”. Yeah, for someone other than me!
We take on lousy fit jobs for lots of reasons, legitimate reasons: paying the bills is a big one, not knowing what else to do, not having the support or encouragement to chase your true dreams, or sometimes simply ending up there because you were young and hadn’t figured it out and then not feeling able to get out.
Some of you will have a track record of changing jobs every 2-3 years (my hand is raised), and we congratulate you on your optimism, no sarcasm intended. You seriously believe that if you just find the ‘right’ job all of your dissatisfaction will fade and you will find the happiness that intuitively you know should go with work.
It is so discouraging to start a new job with all the best intentions, sure that this one will be better than the last, they will ‘get’ you, you won’t be bored, only to find in 3 months the lustre is wearing off. With each new job that doesn’t work out your sense of disappointment deepens and you are left exhausted, depressed, disillusioned, perhaps even physically sick.
I was stuck in lousy fit jobs for so many years of my life that it resulted in migraines, depression, even ulcers. Finally I got savvy, gained in courage, and changed directions. But that was only after I had figured out that it wasn’t me that was ‘the misfit’, the work environment I was attempting to be successful in was a bad fit. It took some hours ‘on the couch’ to figure this out, but I have never, ever looked back.
It’s not you that’s the misfit, it’s all about good-fit. Any job, regardless of title or salary, can be ‘just a job’ if it’s a bad fit for you. It’s time for you to get bold and brave.
We could share with you case study after case study of highly sensitive, intelligent and creative clients who went from lousy fit jobs or even careers to pursuing work that felt meaningful, purposeful, engaging, challenging, and creative. What I like to call work that has ‘the sparkles’. (You know, maybe we will do just that, share case studies on our blog and facebook page.)
Look, we’ve been there and done that (I admit, over and over again) but you don’t have to! So stop listening to your inner critic that is telling you all number of things from “it’s too late to change” to “it’s work, it’s not supposed to be fun” and start listening to the voices (you can count on us!) that say…
Done that? Now the fun begins!
The time is now! Time for you to clear that hurdle.
Until next time…Grab Life by the Crown!
Are you any good at acknowledging your accomplishments? No? How about your strengths and gifts…? Well, it’s time to get honest, and BOLD, about how great you are! (Felt you cringe.) As women we were raised and trained to be modest, no bragging, not to be conceited, maybe even not to stand out or rush to be first in line.
So guess what, you are justifiably not comfortable blowing our own coronet! But it’s time to change that, ‘cause after all, where does it get you! Absolutely nowhere.
It doesn’t pay (and we mean that quite literally); you are not getting the promotions or the pay rises if you can’t talk-up your accomplishments, achievements, abilities, capabilities, strengths and greatness. And we know you have all of those in spades! It may not be the most comfortable thing you do, but…
You are a Burnout Queen and it is time to take to your throne…
(mind chatter…but what if the other kids won’t like me and I’ll be left sitting all alone at recess…umm I meant coffee break…really I mean’t coffee break).
It’s a dilemma. We want others to see us for who we are, we want to be acknowledged for our hard work, our good results, our great people skills, but we are people pleasers and want others to ‘like’ us! However, if we can’t stand tall in our own pumps and proclaim loudly, confidently, even boldly, how absolutely fabulous we are why do we expect others to notice?
Just yesterday one of my absolutely fab VIP clients said she was so happy that during our coaching together she has learned to “shamelessly promote herself”. (Those words are music to my ears!) And the outcome…Ta Dah! The promotion she wanted and so deserved! This directorship is the cherry on the cake before she heads off to even bigger and better things. She knows she is ready for the ultra-big times in her career (prestige, responsibility and money) and she figured out that others needed to know this as well.
So, (they are asking) what has this got to do with burnout? Easy peasy. Burnout doesn’t happen because you have too much stuff to do, no, burnout results from not getting what you want in life, not pursuing your dreams.
Burnout is hiding just around the corner if you sneak around trying to be invisible and pretending you are less than you are! That means you won’t take the time you deserve, you won’t protect your energy, and you will spend waaaaay too much of yourself worrying about what others think of you (a truly HSP trait) and never enough time focusing on what you think of yourself!
Between us, you know you have a burnout queen personality, which means you are most likely an HSP, and in our books that means you have some pretty amazing and strong qualities. You are great at what you do. (Come on, you know it, own it!) Now let the rest of the world know it!
So don the crown, grab the 4-inch heels and stand tall (ok, some of us need the 4-inch heels to stand tall) It’s all about your beliefs and your attitude.
Time to blow your own coronet! Come on ladies, let’s hear that first note!!!
Here’s one great tip:
Set yourself a goal to step over all the obstacles in your path that stop you from sharing your fabulous self with the world.
Make yourself a list of your strengths, positive values, your successes and accomplishments. Right, into your queenly handbag it goes. Next time you are on the verge of being modest, run to the toilet, get your crown on straight, read over your list and take your place!
You have a duty to share your gift with the world.
Until next time, grab life by the crown!
Too often these days we are hearing from our VIP clients, successful, intelligent and sensitive women, that they are ‘relying’ (that’s our word, not theirs) on that glass or two of wine to unwind or dial down their stress at the end of a day.
Of course there is nothing taboo about drinking a glass of wine with dinner; even everynight is probably ok (as long as it’s not one of those industrial sized glasses). Not at all. BUT we get worried when we hear that attempts to change this pattern result in more stress, tension, frustration, pressure, and even anger. (yup, that’s when we call it ‘a problem’).
Our clients tell us how they can’t wait to get home from work so they can pour that glass of wine to sip while cooking dinner…maybe another while they chill out (for all of 5 minutes!) once the kids are in bed, or how after dinner that extra glass or two offsets the loneliness after a divorce or breakup. Maybe you are experiencing something similar.
So what’s going on here? Well, everyday women juggle so many life stressors that they constantly feel over-busy, over-extended, pressured, exhausted and depleted. Which means that they turn to ‘false cures’ like that extra glass of wine in an attempt to relax, get to sleep, forget their worries, or to shake-off tension.
Women‘react’ to alcohol differently than men and it is not just because we are smaller or more delicate! This is serious stuff! Research has pointed out that:
We also know that more women are now dying from alcohol related disease than at any period in the past. Like we don’t have enough going on to worry about!!!
We know that a good part of it is because having ‘a glass of wine’ is continually portrayed by media as a good coping skill for stressful stuff. Watch any soap and you will see what we mean!
Here’s the good news! (We are The Burnout Queens we always an up-side.) With the right combo of self-awareness and information, along with active-coping skills (and we can teach you these) that successfully prevent burnout and keep stress and tension at workable levels ‘cause it’s not going away, women can be healthy and successful…and able to enjoy a glass of wine or two without the guilt, worry or health concerns.
Come on Burnout Queens, let’s not adopt what were traditionally male behaviours (drinks after work to unwind or a liquid lunch!) and make them ours… we are waaaay smarter than that!
Here’s one great tip:
Next time you go to pour that glass, be brutally honest with yourself. What are you telling yourself about it? What’s your mind chatter? Then set yourself a small challenge to reduce the number of glasses of wine you have each week. If you still really want one every night with dinner, get a smaller glass, or every other night substitute a ‘cooler’ (half wine, half sparkling soda).
Until next time, grab life by the crown!