Burnout

The experience of living with burnout and exhaustion for professional, creative and highly sensitive women

Castles, business and the steep climb

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This summer I had the good fortune of visiting two castles in the SE of England.  They are both beautiful ancient structures that require a bit of legwork to take advantage of magnificant views from the top of what’s called ‘the castle keep’.

I didn’t climb the tallest, but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity at Lewes Castle’s Keep which is the remaining structure still standing from the 1060’s (think about this for a moment)!  To say the view is breathtaking over the South Downs is an understatement.

It was a 35 step climb (I can be OCD on these things) and while I was on my way up I thought this is just like building a business.  Bear with me, my mind can jump into biz mode when least expected.

I climbed the first flight not knowing how far up it would go and it landed me in an open space where I could catch my breath and look at a view much higher than where I had started from.  Next flight got narrower, steeper and I was a little winded (and relieved) by the time I reached the next plateau.  The view was amazing and now, although I could see the ultimate steepness of the last flight to the top,  I was eager to go.  I could sense the excitement of climbing out onto the top of the Keep, although I didn’t know exactly what to expect.  The last climb was hard and left me breathless, but I was so glad I didn’t turn away and descend before I had challenged myself on the last leg of the staircase.  The reward was worth every moment.

It really is like building your business.  You start at the bottom and you don’t know where the top is.  Each climb gets you to a new plateau, giving you new knowledge and perspective on what you are doing and why.  You plan the next phase and then it’s time to take action by stretching yourself further.  Each time you stretch and climb you need that little extra muscle, energy and focus to reach the top…even when you don’t know what is waiting.

I love a learning curve and I love discovery.  35 steps to the top may seem small, but when it’s an ancient ruin full of tiny stone steps, a steep climb and openings narrow enough to barely accommodate a bow and arrow those 35 steps are profoundly magical.

Ready to climb?

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

Finding Your Stride | When Life Changes

Finding Your Stride | When Life Changes

In 2009 we had a sign on the office wall that simply read,

Burn the Boats!

It was our mantra as we embarked upon the biggest change we had ever made in our lives.  We had decided to pack up our entire lives and move from Canada to England.  We were no strangers to BIG change, but this one was a whopper.

Each and every week we talk to women who post-burnout are finding their new stride as they set their course for the future.  Regardless of the reasons they have stumbled, relationship breakup, job loss, career change, or health challenges, they know that life is going to change sometimes to the point that it will be unrecognisable.   They have decided to burn the boats!

Now, if you don’t know where that phrase came from, well when Cortes landed in Mexico in 1519 he and his men (sorry no women allowed back then) faced a fierce battle.  As they set off up the hill Cortes ordered his aide back to the beach with a single command…Burn the boats!  Sometimes there is no going back.

We will all reach a point in life at some time or another when we have to forge a new direction.

Maybe that time is now for you.  Has the way you have been comfortably living now become so uncomfortable that it feels like life is suffocating you?  Perhaps you have arrived at a point where everything that was once so familiar now seems strange.   Sometimes it will be of your own making and sometimes you will be catapulted into change.  Either way, you may want to burn the boats.

Of course, moving away from everything you know as ‘your life’ is difficult and scary, but as human beings we are meant to outgrow ourselves!  We age, we mature, we change inside and out, and there is little we can do to avoid the process.  Change is natural and it is going to happen with you or without you, so really, truly, you have no choice but to to move forward and through it.

What counts is how you approach big changes, handle the transition, and ultimately find your stride again.

There is no denying it there will be times when change is terrifying, exhausting, and even times when it brings despair.  However, flip side…change also brings growth, renewal, joy, and excitement.  And what about new adventures?  We are all about new adventures.

Now with all the BIG changes we have made in our lives we have heard all the questions, like…

How do you stop worrying about what’s at the other end?

You don’t.  You consider all your choices, make decisions, make more decisions, and ultimately realise that change means accepting the unknown, which in time will once again settle into the familiar.

Next question…

How do you handle the fear?

Easy, peasy, you don’!  You just wade into it and confront it.  When I was a kid at the beach and the tide was miles out, I couldn’t wait to get out to that farthest sandbar to explore!  That meant having to wade through many tidal pools full of scary seaweed and who knows what else!  So I had to make a choice, stay afraid and never feel the exhilaration of reaching the sandbar with all of it’s treasures, or start wading.  No contest, roll up those ‘pedal-pushers’ (capris for some of you) and plunge in.

Finally, we always get asked,

How do you keep going when you hit obstacles or things go wrong?

One foot in front of the other, what else?  Keep the dream in sight and have faith.  You have to believe in yourself and in your dream.  And you have to be tenacious.

There is no avoiding it, in every person’s life there will come a time, or two or three, when everything will change no matter how much you may try to keep it all the same.  If you choose out of fear you end up with a less than satisfactory result.  If you choose out of a sense of adventure, belief, and faith you take your life in amazing directions.  You may stumble but you will get there!

Obstacles or opportunities…you choose!

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev xx

 

The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

10 Years Stronger and loving it

strong-womanThe Realm’s weekly postcard with it’s assignment arrived in my inbox this past Sunday. It made me think about the question and how I would answer it, and so I posted in our private facebook page.

Then I thought, this is important, so I’m sharing it here as well.

 

The assignment for this week’s The Realm postcard asked our members to think not about their age, but about what or how age has changed them for the better over the last 10 years.  So here was my answer….

” 10 years on and I am stronger and more able to say NO to people and things that aren’t right for me.  How did I come to this?  After several ‘crazy and manipulative’ people in my life pre UK and here as well, I can clearly and quickly see the train wreck coming towards me, so I say NO and get out.  It may look like I’m a rude or unfriendly person, but having experienced prolonged relationships with friends, colleagues and family members who were not good for my health and mind, I have learned I have a choice to look after me.”

Here are my examples (and feel free to leave yours in the comments below)

  • If someone blames me for something they clearly did themselves…they are banished quickly (my new Burnout Queen rules)
  • If someone undermines, smears or belittles me and what I know in order to bolster their own inadequacies…they are banished immediately.
  • If someone wants to talk only and always about themselves, and never asks about me…they are given a few chances…and then they are banished forever!

Some people will judge this as b**chy (and believe you me they have and on several occasions convinced me I was) but I don’t mind because 10 years on, my heart is in the right place and I am firm about what I have learned the hard way.

Life post-burnout is ‘very’ different thankfully.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

 

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