The Burnout Pups

Bored with base camp–ready to climb!

girls climbingFor the last 5 years it feels like we have been waiting at base camp.  You see we are on our own epic journey to follow our dreams.  When we set out on the first leg of the journey (Canada to UK) we decided to ‘burn the boats’ in the tradition of some famous explorers.  These first 5 years have been about finding our footing and breathing new air.

Canada doesn’t seem a very different culture, but…everything is different.  Have you ever had to grocery shop and been unable to recognize the brands, names and uses of the products?  It can be both time consuming and frustrating.  Bank accounts, credit cards, even shoe sizes!  You get the picture.

On first arrival we were excited, somewhat exhausted, and raring to take in all the sights and sounds of our new land.  Then it became evident we needed to prepare for the long haul up the mountain ahead of us.  We had to buckle down and get back to work while we learned the rules, settled into routines and generally prepared ourselves for the next ascent.

With that 5 year hurdle behind us (yeah, we are allowed to stay forever!) we had a decision to make:  turn around and go back to the life we had grown up in, consider it a great adventure and pack up–OR–take another deep breath and start climbing.  Well, there really wasn’t a choice after all we had agreed to ‘burn the boats’ so there was no going back.

Like any next level of the adventure, we are faced with a mixture of excitement, fear, and lots and lots of questions!  But we love questions more than we love answers, it’s just who we are.

The air is rare, but it’s time to climb.  Can’t wait to see the next view!

THE BURNOUT QUEENS

Help! I can’t see my floor anymore.

messy painterMy client’s house is driving her round the bend.  She lives and works with stacks of boxes, papers, things strewn around her beautiful space.  We Skype.  I see it!  It’s at the point that the beauty of her home has disappeared; the peace and tranquility has been lost; and her mind is spinning in circles.

Her untidiness (chaos) is because she doesn’t think of herself first.  Doesn’t put herself at the centre of her picture.  This realisation means  a shift in thinking–her approach to work and home life needs to change.

Until now, she only thought of her commitments and responsibilities to other:

-what does she need to accomplish in any particular day

-what does she need to prioritize for herself in any particular day

-what meeting does she need to attend

-what child does she need to work with and assess

-what report does she need to write

There’s a pattern that you can probably recognize if you’re a busy woman as well right?  She is responsible with all her duties as a business owner and therapist, there is no doubt about that.  But, there are times she wants to hide away from it all and just chill out: recoup and recharge herself.  She gets tired, drained, exhausted and spent…is it a wonder?!

Her solution?  Take a vacation at home to catch up on all her backlog of work, to purge her workspace of all the piles of papers, magazines, articles she’s been hoarding ‘just in case I can use them’.  They all add up to mess, pressure and piles of stuff she feels overwhelmed by.  By the end of her vacation (staycation) she is not rested, nor organized as she had hoped, because it WAS too overwhelming, so she caught up with friends instead thinking that would relax her.  After all it’s a vacation and some of it should be fun?!

Now she goes back to work more drained than ever, still in somewhat of a mess, and upset with herself that she didn’t ‘buckle down to it’ and get it sorted once and for all.  Arrgghhh!

Recognize this if you are a professional.  You bet.  It is purely because the pace she is creating at work misses including herself, her energy, her health, her needs as a factor in her daily output.  So the burnout cycle continues and grows deeper.

We are working on a new approach.  Desperate to get a handle on her work AND her life and health.  She is reminding herself to put herself front & centre first and foremost and holding the belief that the rest of the chips will fall into place.  It’s a grand start!

 

Burnout and sex…what’s wrong with this picture?

batherWe’ve said it before and we will say it again, burnout messes up everything.  Burnout messes up your work, your career, your health, your relationships, and it messes up your love life. (One more thing, shhhh, burnout definitely messes up your sex life!  I’m trying to be quiet here so we don’t get sp*mmed)!

Without a doubt,eventually burnout contaminates every aspect of living.  So how do we convince highly intelligent, sensitive, creative, and professional women that burnout is a seriously sexy topic to talk about?  Well, here at The Burnout Queens, we are not above appealing to your vanity!  Burnout definitely affects the way your body looks.  Here’s what one VIP client said:

“Burnout is like a rapid aging machine.  My body’s changed, I look like I’ve been through a war!   My hair’s falling out, my skin’s like paper, I have joint pain, and now I’m told that stress has thrown my body into early menopause.  I’m in my 40s and I feel old.”

Chances are, if you are burned-out you will not have the physical or mental energy to take care of yourself.   Exercise is out the window, you care less about what you eat which means you are probably gaining or losing weight.  You may be drinking more wine or smoking more ‘just to relax’.  Both these coping habits are going to affect how you look (premature aging causes wrinkles and saggy skin) and how you feel.  Then there is the exhaustion to deal with.  Many times women have told me that they fell into bed ‘too exhausted’ to bother washing their makeup off.  Definitely not sexy to wake up the next morning with mascara racoon eyes and dull grimey skin!  You don’t have the energy to get that haircut so desperately needed, don’t have the time to get clean underwear, and who cares if you shave your legs just wear tights another day!   So many things, big and small make us feel awful about our physical self and, yes, distinctly un-sexy when burned-out.

Ok, so what about burnout and sex?  What sex?  It’s as easy as that.  Being too exhausted, having too many headaches (legit ones), muscle aches and pains, indigestion, while not sleeping (which doesn’t mean middle of the night parties, if you know what I mean), or falling asleep mid-sentence, all adds up to… “You want what!” 

Burnout is accompanied by so many stress symptoms we’ve lost count, but some are exclusive to our fabulous female bodies thanks to our unique physiology.  We can include:

  • increased PMS tension
  • pre-menstrual headache syndrome
  • loss of menstruation
  • roller coaster hormones
  • painful sexual intercourse (vaginismus)
  • pelvic pain
  • postpartum depression
  • menopausal ‘blues’
  • infertility
  • inhibited sexual arousal
  • lowered sex drive

Burnout can cause all of this and more.  Burnout means feeling absolutely falling-down exhausted, can’t think your way out of a paper bag, being irritable and impatient, wanting everyone to leave you alone, physically not feeling like being touched, and socially feeling very unsociable!  Uh, we hate to say it, but that adds up to “Bye-bye sex”.

Wouldn’t you know it though, sex is one thing that can actually make you feel physically and emotionally better!  You see, certain neurohormones boost dopamine which contributes to our feelings of wellbeing and pleasure.  It’s also been connected with increased motivation, increased energy and the desire to be with others.  Lots of happy brain chemicals, endorphins, are released when you fall in love, or lust, or have sex!  They make you feel happy, relaxed, even giddy, like the world is your oyster (I’m not sure if oysters help burnout but they apparently do help sex-drive).

We know, we know, just the thought of having to put out energy for anything or anybody is beyond contemplation at times, but intimate touching can provide complete relaxation, and you know, the ‘big kaboom’, is a great anti-aging solution  (which you will need if you keep going to bed with your makeup on!).

flourish720

Here’s one great tip:

Take care of your body and you will also nurture your spirit.  Make room for physical intimacy in your life, with a partner or on your own. Touch, gentle caring touch, can be a source of relaxation and a physical release of tension.

Until next time, grab life by the crown!   

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Photography: Caroline True Photography | Illustration by Veronica Miller | Site Design: Kim McDaniels | Disclaimer