burnout in careers

A gift of love from The Burnout Queens

On today of all days, The Burnout Queens want to share the love we send to our members inside The Realm!  Each week they receive a special postcard that encourages them to cultivate a better life.  And we don’t stop there, they get their weekly assignment to put that concept to good use.   Change is happening in such a beautiful way for these women, we just thought today we would reach out to all our community to share this special postcard.

Here’s your copy and if you find it enriching we hope it will entice you to join us.  When you register you immediately join a creative group of  women from Germany, New Zealand, Australia, United Kingdom, United States, Canada and Brazil, all waiting to welcome you to The Realm!  Join us by clicking here:  The Realm!

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Hello Darlings!

Are you ready to fall in love with yourself?  Can you find all your little quirky imperfections endearing?  Will you hang on your every word with respect and interest, be absorbed in your dreams, laugh at your own jokes and treat yourself with the same gentleness you would treat another love?

When you fall in love with yourself you open your heart, you listen to your soul and you feel connected to who you truly are.  Begin this journey today.  Don’t wait to fall in love with yourself ‘if or when’ and definitely don’t wait till Monday to start!

Fall in love with who you are now and not who you would like to be…sometime…when you have time.

Here’s your weekly assignment:

Write yourself a love note, what you admire in yourself, what you love about your looks, your life, your being. How you look forward to your relationship growing and deepening.

Be special to yourself: buy yourself chocolates or your favourite flowers or make your favourite breakfast to leisurely enjoy.  Have a bubble bath and love your body.  Take yourself to the theatre, read poetry or listen to music that makes your soul soar…or dance!

Draw a Heart, then write your name in it. Paste it on your mirror and then every morning this week go ahead and say it,

“I’m falling in love with you!”

Love, The Burnout Queen xx

Well did you love our special love note?   Of course, our members will be sharing their hearts and success inside The Realm in our private facebook group.  Can’t wait to see all the photos with creative ‘hearts on the mirrors’  that I know they will share.

We’ll be sharing our hearts, won’t you join us too?  (Click here to receive instant membership).   Joining The Realm will make your feel special, supported and celebrated by all our members who are actively and I might add impressively enriching their lives.

See you inside and Happy Valentine’s Day from The Burnout Queens xx

Divine Madness | Love Your Work!

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The Burnout Queens love Love; big Love, small Love, puppy Love!  Of course we are talking about Love today, check the date!  (There are times we love to be predictable!)  In past years we’ve ‘done’ Love (with a capital L), we’ve definitely talked about self-love and yes we have even explored the steamy kind, but love of work, loving what you do, is not necessarily the dot that gets connected to hearts and flowers.

Plato referred to love as ‘divine madness’ and Freud believed that two of the most important aspects of life were love and work.  So is it madness to believe you need to love your work to be healthy and happy?  The Burnout Queens don’t think so!

We have a very real need to love what we do… our work, the product, our art, our contribution and our success.
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If we connect love with work we should expect big moments of passion, true calling, momentous insights, or at least a big ‘kissy fest’ with our colleagues all the time…right?   Not necessarily so.

It can be a challenge to notice signs, big or small, of the kind of love that means your work is engaging your soul.  These signs often hide in the everyday, the mundane, the tedious and the commonplace.  So what exactly are you looking for?

Well, when you work with mindfulness you begin to identify signs of loving what you do: a moment of pride for a well done job; a rush of warmth, understanding or caring toward a co-worker;  the comfortable familiarity of an everyday task; the old books on the shelves in the boardroom; taking a moment to ‘see’ the painting you love on your office wall, the view outside your window; knowing you are doing ‘good’ work or providing for your life and family.

Here are some moments of love in my work:

black-heart15Typing this draft with my soul-dog on my lap (not great for my posture but fab for my heart),
black-heart15Receiving a ‘Hello here’s what I’m up to!’ from a long-ago (but never forgotten) client,
black-heart15Having an ‘ah hah moment’ when two seemingly diverse ideas collide and become something new...BIG LOVE!
black-heart15Writing that flows from the heart.
black-heart15A hot cup of tea and biscuit on the corner of my desk.
black-heart15Being ‘told’ to take a break by a ball dropped on my foot or thrown down the stairwell followed by barking!
black-heart15Receiving baby pictures, pet pictures, family pictures from clients new and old.
black-heart15Taking a brain-break by editing something already written (ah relax).
black-heart15Dropping a quick “Thinking of you” to a client for no reason other than to connect.
black-heart15Hearing the birds in the tree outside my window.
black-heart15Looking up to see the picture of Dad on my bookshelf.
black-heart15Stopping to read the Burnout Queens Desiderata (You mean you haven’t got one? Join the Realm Darlings!)

Let’s be honest we can all lose the love of our work from time to time! 

There will be days you don’t feel like showing up, but don’t make the mistake of thinking this means you don’t love what you do!

Stress, pressures, deadlines, dreaded tasks, the evil boss or conniving colleague, or just the tedium of the everyday can trick even the most enlightened and sensitive amongst us into missing (or possibly avoiding or ignoring) many opportunities to connect with the love of what you do.

In the BIG picture we all want to be happy at work.  We want our work to be engaging, pleasurable and fun at times.  We truly want to feel like we are doing something that contributes to the wellbeing of others in the world.  That sense of contributing is love personified.

Yes there are times when we drag ourselves ‘to the office’ moaning, but there are other times when maybe life is in turnoil that work becomes a place of refuge, a sanctuary.  Just the other day a client whose world has been turned upside down said it so clearly, “Thank goodness for my work, it’s keeping me sane!”  There was a time that my office became my retreat, my haven of peace, from family illness, crises and loss.  It was physically a peaceful and serene place, I loved my clients, and when ‘in session’ I was unavailable to the outside world!  What’s not to love.

Even if you aren’t currently in your ideal job or career, allow yourself to love aspects of what you are doing.

Finding love for what you do in the present doesn’t mean you can’t dream about the future and embrace change when it comes.
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Love for your work, in whatever nooks and crannies you can find it, opens up your imagination, your creativity and awakens your soul.

Being a highly sensitive woman means you were delightfully designed to find work you love but first you have to find love in your work. 

 

From our hearts to yours…Happy Valentines Day!

 

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev xx

PS.  The BOQs would love to hear from you!  Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

Time to take a break when…

sleepy puppy1It was definitely time to take a break…

 

The Burnout Queens took a week out to drop off the work scene.  It was definitely time!  If it’s one thing I have learnt over my long career it’s time to take a break when…

    1. I want to stay in bed and  pull the duvet up over my head
    2. I want to do anything but sit at my desk
    3. I want to do anything but speak with my dear clients
    4. I want to retire and move to a quiet beach (oh wait I’ve done some of that!)
    5. I find myself crankie at the dogs for everything (even when they are being cute)
    6. I find myself dreading ‘calling home’ to speak to my 99 year old mother
    7. I can’t catch a train to London because of weather or no petsitter (no cultural play makes me very grumpy)
    8. I can’t stand being around people and noise (my Dietrich moments)
    9. I can’t focus for more than a few seconds (unless it’s a puzzle and I’m obsessed)

 

I’m sure you get the idea.  And I’m doubly sure you recognise many of these for yourself!  Better to take a break and gather my steam again so that I can be creative, present and enjoyable to be around.  Of course, breaks are always announced to clients after looking at the calendar, asking them to change their call dates (seldom do this, but…) and clearing the decks of responsibility.

I’m pleased to say that I didn’t decide to pack a million and one things into 7 days, but I did some very pleasant sightseeing and tea sipping at my leisure.  You could say a curative rest.  It was a good plan and the feedback from my community says Dr T and I are great role models for taking care of ourselves and not burning out.  Well that’s the idea anyway!

Next time you find yourself feeling the same way, take yourself away and rest up.  Take it from these 2 docs, “You could just prevent yourself from  burning out!”

Love, Dr B (The Burnout Queens) xx

Big Hair, High Heels! The Power of Confidence

Big Hair High Heels! The Power of Confidence

Hello!  Happy January & Happy New Year to all you fabulous Burnout Queens!  We hope your year has gotten off to a great start.  You probably expected us to kick-off (that would be a high kick!) 2016 with a ‘rah- rah, you can change your life tomorrow’ article!  Far too ordinary, just not BOQ style.  We are going for the gusto; dig in and dig deep!  Let’s start the year with confidence, we say!  No, really, this article is all about confidence…the power of confidence.

So…what is the power of confidence?  Are you ready?  Ta Dah

You own your confidence!
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Yes, it’s truly that simple!  Confidence comes from the inside; it is determined by you.  Confidence is about your beliefs, attitudes and experience.  It really isn’t about outside stuff like tasks, situations or relationships.

You, and only you, decide if you are a confident woman.
Now that’s powerful!

There are plenty of myths and misunderstandings about confidence out there.   Like this idea that confidence is a singular state of being; constant and steady, with no ebb and flow.  No wonder so many of us trip-up over confidence when we think of it as an either/or thing.  Confidence, you have it or you don’t.  Now that’s a myth for sure!

As long as you believe there is only one way to be confident you may make proclamations (cause that’s what Queens do!) like ‘I’m not confident’, ‘I don’t know how to be confident!’ or (we love this one) ‘I’ve lost my confidence’!!!  All of these statements are likely untrue and if we are to be completely frank with you darling a little ‘passe’!

Be assured, confidence doesn’t have to be complicated, not even when you are a Highly Sensitive and creative HSP (and as you well know us HSPs can complicate most anything we put our minds to!)  It’s just that confidence is multi-faceted like a brilliant diamond.  The experience of confidence is as varied and unique as you.

There is no one-size-fits-all feeling of confidence.

Confidence is situational.  You may be perfectly confident in one area of your life but quake in your ever-so-fashionable boots at the mere thought of another.  That’s perfectly normal!  (Yes, we use that term advisedly!)

Confidence has an ebb and flow.  Lots of things can affect your confidence, your mood, the company you are in, your physical state, even if you have slept poorly the night before.  Just ‘cause confidence can fluctuate doesn’t mean you don’t have it!

Confidence comes with doing.   This is vitally important to remember because confidence diminishes with avoiding.

Confidence can be ‘borrowed’ from one area of your life to enhance another.  Think about it…if you are good at xyz over there, you can borrow  skills or strengths or attitudes to hold you in good confidence in situation abc!

Confidence can be (how shall we put this?) improvised!  Even if you are feeling particularly shaky you can pull it out of a hat.  Remember when you were young and played pretend or dress-up?  Uh huh, who cares if you are all grown up, you can ‘play pretend’ with confidence.  I remember this Board Meeting that had me a nervous wreck, so I just dressed up (in my imagination) as Tina Turner and made my entrance.  Voila, instant over-the-top confidence (not to mention BIG hair)!  Here’s the hidden treasure in this one, shhhh, if you can pull it off with your imagination…you can actually do it.  So own it.  Strut your stuff!

Confidence grows when you are honest with yourself and others about your strengths, talents and capabilities.  This can be a little tricky for HSPs since we tend to under-estimate our abilities and our gifts, but the benefits are so fab it is well worth the discomfort of trying on this attitude.  It’s a perfect fit!

Self-honesty lets you be a learner, not-so-good at something or own being absolutely brilliant!!

So what are some other key misunderstandings about confidence…hmmm, thinking…got it!

Confidence is not something that you lose or carelessly misplace.  You lose contact lenses, you lose your keys, you lose your phone…you do not lose your confidence.  (So Darling please, no more ‘I’ve lost my confidence’!)

Confidence is not something someone else can take away from you!  The Power of Confidence is that YOU own it, it never belonged to anyone else…ever.  (So no more hiding behind that one!)

AND…get ready for it…for the record, you did not miss out on confidence by being in the wrong line when you were born.  (Nice try!)

Oh, and this is important, as a confident woman you do not have to be able to do anything and everything confidently the first time.  Do not fall into that trap!

Confidence comes from experiencing, succeeding and even failing.
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Here are a few more tid bits to think about when considering the power of  confidence…

If you have never done something before it stands to reason that you would have less confidence, but that doesn’t mean you have no confidence.  Increase your confidence by relating what you are about to do or enter into to similar situations or tasks you have been successful at in the past.  Then say to yourself…

I am confident!  I’ve had experiences like this before.

If you have done something and been a little less than perfect at it (what can we say, it happens) you might be a little ‘iffy’ about climbing on that learning curve again.  Relax, that’s why they call it a learning curve, you are allowed to be a learner!

Confidence increases with doing. Try again!
Give it a chance.

What if you have been doing the same thing over and over again and not succeeding or not even enjoying it?  You tell yourself  you have failed and so has your confidence!  Stop right there.  Get honest and ask yourself why you continue to do something you either aren’t any good at or you don’t like.  If something (or someone) is a bad fit, it’s simply a bad fit!   Darling, your confidence isn’t gone but you have to stop wearing the same old trainers and find some high heels you can proudly walk in!

When you don’t believe in your confidence you spend time and energy  fighting mental, emotional and even physical blocks.  You will feel heavy with anxiety, worry and trepidation because you are fighting shadows that aren’t real.

Stop hiding from the power of your confidence.  When you tell yourself that you don’t have confidence you end up avoiding and not experiencing something that you could be very very good at, brilliant at in fact!  That’s just not ‘ok’ with us!  So…

Get ready Burnout Queens…

Are you ready to own the Power of Confidence?

Are you ready to wear your confidence crown with pizzazz?

 

YOU ARE A CONFIDENT WOMAN!

We declare that with the utmost confidence!

 

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev xx

PS.  The BOQs would love to hear from you!  Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

What’s Age Anymore?

daphne selfe

You know when you rush through a station and something catches your eye, well I was rushing through the internet the other day and this blog caught my eye. It was called Wonder Women: The Stars Who’ve Turned Seventy and Still Continue to Shine (by Alison Coldridge, 19/01/2016).  I had to have a look and I can only say…Wow!  These women are inspirational, not just because they have celebrity or look amazing, but because they are still relevant and working at what they love to do.  I swear that is why they are all so beautiful.  So here is their list, then we added a few of our own.

Their list:  Dolly Parton (70);  Diane Keaton (70);  Bette Midler (70);  Helen Mirren (70);  Debbie Harry (70);  Jane Fonda (78);  Vivienne Westwood (74);  Grace Coddington  (74);  Goldie Hawn (70);  Tina Turner (76);  Judi Dench (81);  Maggie Smith (81);  Joan Collins (82) .

Our additions:  Mary Berry (80);  Shirley Bassey (79);  Cleo Laine (88);   Angela Lansbury (90);  Queen Elizabeth (90);  Bridget Riley (84);  Rose Hilton (85);  Louise Hay (89);  Joanna Lumley (70);  Carole King (73);  Carly Simon (70);  Daphne Selfe (85);  Yoko Ono (82);  Carmen Dell’Orefice (84).

I know someone out there is going to say they are all stars, well you are right they are all stars in their known field and many of them have made massive contributions behind the scenes as humanitarians and activists as well.

We know them, we see them and I for one appreciate their visibility. I wish it were as easy to name off all the brilliant women scientists, philosophers, legal minds, or economists who are still working at what they are passionate about past 70!  If you know of some please share so we can all broaden our horizons.

Take a moment and look up some of their accomplishments. I’ll simply say it again, Wow!

With love and inspiration to all…Dr. Toby (The Burnout Queens) xx

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