living NOW | The Burnout Queens

Our Hearts Are Cold With Fear

July 13, 2016

Three months ago we heard that a friend had gone missing. At the time we had no idea what could have happened to her. It was widely reported that she may have simply ‘disappeared from her life on purpose’. She wouldn’t have done this; she was an intelligent, accomplished, savvy, gentle soul and would not have hurt the people around her like this.

Our hearts were cold with fear because we knew from all our many years of education and practice in the field of women’s studies and women’s psychology that the sad but still true fact is the mere fact of being a woman puts you at risk.

Yesterday we found out that the police had arrested a man she had come to trust in her life on suspicion of murder. They have still not found Helen. We feel sick with our own personal grief but we also feel angry.

The majority of women who are killed are killed by trusted males in their lives. Domestic violence is still one of the leading causes of injury and death for women.

It’s not only the ‘night’ that we need to take back, we need to take back our world. It isn’t right that we have to even think about, let alone worry about, going out alone at night, what you are wearing, how you are looking, what you say, who you flirt with or even who you live with. It’s just not right.

For decades we have asked, oh let’s be truthful, begged women to read this brilliant book and then to give it to their daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces and then friends daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces. The book is called:

The Gift of Fear. Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence by Gavin De Becker. Published by Little, Brown and Company in 1997.

(sadly I’ve been told to add this one line…we are not receiving any payment for promoting this book)

We have to start somewhere to take back our world, this book offers all of us a good starting point.

So in honour of Helen, our lovely Helen and her mini-dachs Boris, please take care of yourself, please read, please please trust your intuition and protect yourself. And then…live the fullest life you can. We can all do this for Helen.

In love and light, The Burnout Queens xx

My Boss Bunked Off Work!

June 9, 2016

I have choice at my company. It’s a flexible workplace so if it’s sunny out I can go out and enjoy my day with a mind to work on another day.

Deciding is often easier because I ask the same questions my boss asks. Don’t ask what you should do, but what you want to do.

Decision made.. 2 bosses (hey because I’m one) bunked off work the other day and were found browsing the North Laines (well one had a hair appointment so we made a morning of it). We both love working this way. Then we were back in the afternoon ready to write and create.

This is truly an example of how to ‘think aside’. When we are away from the desk, the minds start to expand and think in a different way. Out of the confines of the office (even if they are beautiful) allows thoughts to come more naturally.

This kind of day…doing something I want…definitely gets the creative juices going (including this post) over coffee and jam doughnuts.

How can you create a ‘thinking aside’ moment in your work life that suits you and your company?

Love, The Burnout Queens, xx

Left out of the party…create your own!

May 13, 2016

Last night I was talking with my VIP clients who are designers. They were feeling left out…

When design projects finish for a launch, these designers are never included in the after-party to celebrate the property development’s success….WWWWHHHATTT! I couldn’t believe my ears. Their design showroom is what ‘sells’ prospects on the building. I have never heard anyone purchase an apartment/flat/condo stating I bought it for the empty box I walked into!!!!

I’ve seen their designs, they are beautiful and I would want to purchase the designed flat fully furnished!

So we all agreed…

It’s frustrating to be left out of the high-5-ing moments, the slap-on-the-back congratulations for a job well done. It is so important to be acknowledged for your creativity (especially when creativity is so personal), so we decided if you aren’t invited to the party, make a party for yourselves and your design team.

Now these two are creative and clever, so with invoices still outstanding to them (therefore little funds for a party) my suggestion of a picnic in the office complete with blanket on the floor and champagne was welcomed with open arms. I knew I struck gold when I heard the giggles at the end of the international call line!

A ritual celebrating the end of a project, passing an academic thesis, or anything you have poured your blood, sweat and tears into from inception to reality is certainly worth a meaningful gesture of celebration. Success needs acknowledging.

Well done design divas. Enjoy the picnic and toast your success. You deserve it!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

Good things come in small packages!

April 13, 2016

Well, The Burnout Queens always say, if you’re waiting for the BIG things in life to make it worthwhile, you may be waiting a long time.

This beauty bundle arrived in a cardboard box today. We totally expected to get our order of teas from the department store we love (Fortnum & Mason) in London. It’s one of the little pleasures and indulgences we allow ourselves. We’ve been having it delivered to our seaside home for over a year now and was just expecting to unpack the box of teas.

Surprise and delight…this little beauty box was thrown in unannounced and unexpected. What do they say, good things come in small packages. Well F & M delivered. A little box of truffles…a small bit of luxury in an otherwise ordinary workday.

We are convinced more than ever, that it’s the small everyday events that add up to a pleasurable life.

Someone put the kettle on, we’ll all have tea!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

Ditch the bucket list…get a jar

April 7, 2016

I am Fed Up with hearing everyone talk about their ‘bucket list’. This highly sensitive woman is asking you, “can we have a nicer image than a bucket for our visions, hopes and dreams?” As soon as I hear that word I have a fingers down a chalkboard moment! Buckets do not inspire me, nor do they motivate me to make any sort of list.

If you have ‘things you want to do before you die’ then a bucket list is helpful. You can tick them off, say you did them, show the snapshots, hopefully have a good time while you’re doing them. In my opinion these ‘things’ just add up as a fun to-do list that you can share or competitively compare with your family and friends.

Great for some, not for moi. I’m looking for something more meaningful and purpose-driven. I’m looking to expand ‘who’ I am, not ‘what’ I can do before the end of my life. And as a very visually inclined sensitive and creative woman I want it to ‘look beautiful in my mind’ so I get excited and inspired by the notion.

So what’s my alternative?

A Jar.

I can’t take credit for this brilliance (it was suggested in one of my women’s group) but it certainly made more sense and spoke to me in a way a bucket list never has.

Here’s how it works. As you experience things in your life that involve yourself, other people or occurences that enhanced you, changed you, made life happier, and you became wiser in the long term, then they get written on a piece of paper and put in your beautiful jar (vase, box, whatever place you wish to cherish your bliss). At the end of the year you can sit down with eggnog, champagne, or cup of tea and remember that your year had times of great meaning, connection and personal enhancement. You know, your accomplishments. It’s that simple, and that deep!

To me, a jar of meaningful experiences does more than a list of ‘things’. Don’t get me wrong, I know some of the papers will have ‘things’ I have done, but I will be remembering them as part of cultivating a well-lived life. My inner evolution!

Embrace Life, with love The Burnout Queens xx