Dr Toby | The Burnout Queens

Rest for the Soul

September 28, 2016

We awoke to a great new research study being talked about on BBC Breakfast earlier this week. It’s called The Anatomy of Rest and perhaps you’ve heard about it by now. If not, let us share some of the findings with you.

We are talking about REST, which is not to be confused with Sleep. There has been plenty of research conducted on sleep patterns, amount of sleep, sleep deprivation, etc, etc, etc. For the first time there is a study on rest. 18,000 people from 134 countries took a Rest Test by BBC Radio 4 and Wellcome Collection’s researchers Hubbub. What do you think they found?

The findings are bang on with what we at The Burnout Queens and all our community of highly sensitive and exhausted women know all too well. We need and want more rest!

2/3 of the people in this study said they wanted more rest. When asked what would rest look like, it came in different forms, everything from sleeping, sipping coffee, sitting in front of the TV and doing ultramarathons. The top ‘rest activity’ came as a surprise to the research team… Reading. The other top activities were ‘being in nature’, music and being alone. It seems the majority of us need and want regular solitude to rest and restore ourselves.

So why don’t we rest more? The report showed we feel guilty when we squeeze out time for ourselves. I don’t think this is surprising to women. We feel selfish and self-centred (which means our guilt and stress rises) when we take time away from everything and everybody else in our lives to have a quiet moment for us. Women are already living in a state of exhaustion and don’t think they have the ‘time’ to recoup. We have to turn that notion on it’s head. The ultimate gift we can give ourselves is to consciously and deliberately create an inner calm that will make us more resilient to the outside world.

Now here’s the easy part. The Burnout Queens have designed a fast, simple and extremely effective group of 21audios and videos that help you create that inner calm and resilience needed in your everyday life. Quiet the Buzz of Everyday Life…creating calm for the Highly Sensitive Woman can be done anywhere, anytime; walking, shopping, waiting for the kids, on your break, waiting for your latte. Promise.

Why not see for yourself and solve the dilemma of rest, calm and quiet within yourself?!? Watch our video about Quiet the Buzz and get yourself started now

Embrace the calm!

With love, The Burnout Queens

Quirky doesn’t mean crazy!

August 18, 2016

This page on our website (you’ve been to our website right!) gets people breathing a sigh of relief every time they read it!

If you’ve heard you are ‘too’ something all your life, you might want to check out our Top 14 ‘too’ words that sum up being highly sensitive.

Have a read and remember, it doesn’t make you crazy…just sort of quirky.

Top 14 “YOU’RE TOO” phrases Highly Sensitive People hear!

‘too’ emotional
‘too’ shy
‘too’ intense
‘too’ serious
‘too’ moody
‘too’ artsy
‘too’ idealistic
‘too’ neurotic

There are more obviously but it all ends with You’re Just Too Sensitive!

Have you heard these ‘too’ words all your life? They don’t make you crazy, although we bet you have felt like you were every time you heard them. No, these just mean you are a HSP – Highly Sensitive Person.

At the Burnout Queens we celebrate being Highly Sensitive! We’re HSPs ourselves, and we are No shrinking violets! Being an HSP means you are strong, bold, creative, quirky, and much more. Find out what it really means to be highly sensitive and how it affects everything from your identity to your relationships.

Highly Sensitive

The #1 feedback on this page is…”thank you, I thought I was just crazy all my life!” Nectar to our ears!

Embrace the True You! The Burnout Queens xx

I Work Differently Now and Love It!

August 17, 2016

Over the last months we have been working, working, working on new programmes, by choice…but have to say…working ‘overtime’ certainly doesn’t resemble the past. Then it was 18 hour days; racing from office, to hospital, to university, to private practice, then home quickly to look after ill cats and aging parents. It was madness but necessary and unavoidable.

On the contrary, these days work often starts with a quiet dog walk to the park, a breakfast looking out the roof terrace at the English Channel, a walk to the local for bread and dinner dessert, a play time with dogs, and afternoon tea break to clear the head.

Sounds too good to be true? Sometimes it feels it! After living a life of unrelenting stress and strain and driving ourselves into the ground (literally) this new life of enlightened balance (aka burnout-free lifestyle) makes our hearts sing!

And that’s blissful!

Can you make a few changes to your usual routine to make life more enjoyable?

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

Our Hearts Are Cold With Fear

July 13, 2016

Three months ago we heard that a friend had gone missing. At the time we had no idea what could have happened to her. It was widely reported that she may have simply ‘disappeared from her life on purpose’. She wouldn’t have done this; she was an intelligent, accomplished, savvy, gentle soul and would not have hurt the people around her like this.

Our hearts were cold with fear because we knew from all our many years of education and practice in the field of women’s studies and women’s psychology that the sad but still true fact is the mere fact of being a woman puts you at risk.

Yesterday we found out that the police had arrested a man she had come to trust in her life on suspicion of murder. They have still not found Helen. We feel sick with our own personal grief but we also feel angry.

The majority of women who are killed are killed by trusted males in their lives. Domestic violence is still one of the leading causes of injury and death for women.

It’s not only the ‘night’ that we need to take back, we need to take back our world. It isn’t right that we have to even think about, let alone worry about, going out alone at night, what you are wearing, how you are looking, what you say, who you flirt with or even who you live with. It’s just not right.

For decades we have asked, oh let’s be truthful, begged women to read this brilliant book and then to give it to their daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces and then friends daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces. The book is called:

The Gift of Fear. Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence by Gavin De Becker. Published by Little, Brown and Company in 1997.

(sadly I’ve been told to add this one line…we are not receiving any payment for promoting this book)

We have to start somewhere to take back our world, this book offers all of us a good starting point.

So in honour of Helen, our lovely Helen and her mini-dachs Boris, please take care of yourself, please read, please please trust your intuition and protect yourself. And then…live the fullest life you can. We can all do this for Helen.

In love and light, The Burnout Queens xx

My Reality, Your Reality, Our Reality

June 23, 2016

We all have a way of looking at things in our life. It’s called perspective. There’s nothing wrong with having your own perspective on things, it is after all how your eyes see the world…your reality.

Others see the world, (their reality) through their own eyes and perspective. We can all look at the exact same thing and see it very differently, depending on our view. One is neither right, nor wrong, it simply is!

Too often in my therapy practice I would hear couples and individuals question their own perspectives, as if their reality was ‘wrong’ and it needed to be put ‘right’. Not so. What we need to learn is the tolerance of differences that gives breathing room for all our personal realities.

My truth may not be your truth…but it is still Truth.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx