burnout
What is burnout; information and understanding of the experience of burning out
Red Knickers and a Cape!
Quick, check your lingerie drawer! If you find red knickers and a cape, you may be a Super-Coper. You leap tall buildings in 4-inch heels, catapult over the glass ceiling, and perform acrobatic feats while juggling small children and grown adults alike! Sure you may feel like you are walking a tightrope or precariously swinging from the trapeze, but no one else would ever catch-on because you are a Super-Coper.
So how can you tell if you have a super-heroine tucked away inside you? Of course the red knickers and cape is a dead give away! After that (hmmm) you are likely female, probably a perfectionist, and most definitely the ‘responsible’ one! Super-Copers rarely ask for help, never give-up, and make it all look astoundingly easy.
Super-Copers are expected to handle it all…so they do.
Oh, here’s another thing, Super-Copers can defy gravity! It’s true! Super-Copers have bounce. They rarely fall flat on their face despite the fact that their knees may be buckling under the load or they are teetering on the edge of burnout.
Most of us grew-up admiring super-heroines, who didn’t want to be Wonder Woman? (I mean she did have a very exciting lifestyle and BIG hair!) However, if we have to get real here, (yes, my love, I’m afraid we have to) there are drawbacks to being a Super-Coper.
Here’s what we’ve found, not everyone loves a Super-Coper! We know hard to imagine, what’s not to love about us! Others want you to shoulder the load, sometimes demand that you shoulder the load, but then get a little cranky when you make it look ‘too’ easy. Sometimes others perceive you as ‘Little Miss Smarty Pants’ and resent the fact that you appear to handle it all effortlessly (or so they think).
No one sees you lying awake in the middle of the night wondering if you can pull it all off again tomorrow.
Super-Copers do what is necessary to solve problems, meet deadlines, or handle emergencies. They don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves and they don’t fall to their kneees or beat their chest in the midst of a crisis. (Usually because they’re too busy holding everyone else up and solving all their problems!)
It can be dangerous being a Super-Coper. While you are being-all and doing- all you miss your own signs of exhaustion, overwhelm, or even illness; sometimes you simply ignore the signs because you believe you have no choice but to shoulder the load.
Then there’s the Super-Coper ‘post-party crash’. When you’re finally done, when you get the chance to catch your breath, the emotional impact hits. You finally come down from the rush of stress hormones. You may start feeling shaky, anxious, overwhelmed or even sad or depressed. You most definitely end-up exhausted. Here’s where it goes south, over-coping is so completely normal to you that you misinterpret this normal post-stress reaction as you ‘not handling things’ or as some sign of weakness which sends you running back to your wardrobe only to emerge wearing, you got it, red knickers and a cape!
Oh dear, you can see how the whole Super-Coper thing backfires!
You have been raised and trained to be a Super-Coper. Family, friends, co-workers, pretty well everyone, have relied on you over and over again to be their super-heroine. We would be willing to bet our crowns that you have filled this role from the time you were very young. The time has come to be bold and to stop letting others put you in this box, even when it comes gift-wrapped.
If you are a Burnout Queen you naturally have great problem solving skills and emotional fortitude. You have life-coping skills that others don’t necessarily have or use. You are strong. There are just a few little gems you need to learn like setting limits for others, refusing requests, or letting others handle their own situations or problems (whoa now that’s revolutionary!)
Even if you have been annoited the Super-Coper, you don’t have to agree to handle everything.
The thing is, it’s not a bad thing to be a Super-Coper, indeed it’s pretty special. But you do need to recognise when you have taken it over the top, when you have donned your cape! Being Super-Copers ourselves has allowed us to navigate some pretty steep slopes in life; our secret is knowing how, when, where, and for whom to use our super-powers.
Go ahead embrace being a Super-Coper but promise, no more leaping over tall buildings or saving the world!
Our last words of wisdom? Lose the cape Darling but keep the red knickers because Burnout Queens live to defy ordinary!
Until Next Time…Grab Life by the Crown!
P.S. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.
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Ding Dong! Can Someone Else Get The Door?
Familiar with that old saying, the more things change the more they stay the same? Oh yeah! We started writing about ‘overwhelm’ almost a decade ago when we were seriously in the overwhelm loop and so were many of our clients. Fast forward to 2015 and has it changed? Uh uh, nada, nope….
Back then I called being overwhelmed the ‘curse of the 21st century’ this past 2 weeks has reconfirmed my opinion! In between everyday ordinary life and work stuff we have been dealing with leaks from the terrace, workmen (don’t get us started on this one it’s not pretty…I said don’t!), tech issues, a pup with a spider bite, and major projects with deadlines. Did you hear that overwhelm buzzer go off? That’s what I called it way back then and, you know, it still works. To me it sounds like one of those loud obnoxious buzzers on a game show! Multiple times this week that buzzer was about to sound!
Now, Dr B and I consider ourselves pretty good at handling stuff, in fact, we both are what we call ‘Super-Copers’ (more about that in upcoming feature articles!) like our clients who are professional, super-savvy women as well. We all probably share one thing, we feel embarrassed, like we are failing, or even ashamed to admit getting overwhelmed, after all we are supposed to be able to do it all without breaking a sweat and while smiling. The thing we need to get over is not the overwhelm it’s the shame. Say it after me…
I AM WOMAN!
Sometimes I am fed-up, tired woman, yes, even overwhelmed woman and…I’m cool with that.
Being overwhelmed is simply a feeling, a temporary, albeit unpleasant, fleeting feeling. Well, actually it is more like a torrent of feelings and thoughts all hitting at the same time. Picture this…the doorbell rings and you go to answer it expecting a single person who you will effectively and efficiently (as per usual) deal with. Now picture this (come on play with me here)…buzzer rings, you open the door,(yikes!) there’s a mob of people on your doorstep all yelling and pushing and shoving and trying to get your attention all at once! Feelings and thoughts, needs and wants, expectations and obligations all falling over each other! That’s overwhelm. So what’s a Burnout Queen to do?
Walk away. You heard it right and you heard it here…close the door on the noise and walk away. (It’s ok go against character and be rude!). Don’t worry you won’t walk forever, just 20 minutes.
Walk away from overwhelm, nothing will happen,
the world will not end.
Next? Declare it out loud, “I am overwhelmed!” (Whew, that feels better already!) There you’ve said it and the paparazzi didn’t jump out of the bushes to snap a picture of you in your shameful overwhelmed state! Now what?
Take a brain break. When in overwhelm you are in overdrive, so shift down a couple of gears and idle in neutral for 20 minutes. Make a cuppa, call a friend (only if they are in a good space or you will end up listening to them! You see we know you!), play with the goldfish, go outside, get a breath of fresh air, pick some flowers (yes even if it’s the neighbours), or take yourself out for a quick coffee at the local cafe.
Stop saying ‘I can’t take a break, I can’t stop,
I’ve got too much to do!’ Yada yada, us too!
We’re not being unsympathetic to your plight, just realistic. It’s true, when you are overwhelmed you will accomplish nothing. Once you have had 10 minutes of absolute chill time (doing nothing, saying nothing, thinking nothing) and your brain has stopped smoking, get out a pad of paper (yes good old paper and pen, or pencil if you fear certainty, no technology allowed you need tactile) and write down the first thing you need/want to do. Only one thing, more is not better. Now decide (yes you can) on one small step you will take to unblock this task. Stay focused (take another gulp of coffee or tea) figure out the next small step (no no no, don’t look any further ahead that’s where overwhelm lurks.) simply focus on your toes, one step at a time. You got it! Keep doing this and you are out of overwhelm.
There is an ongoing problem. When you live on the edge of burnout, as we know so many of you do, you invite more and more overwhelm moments into your life. We give it to you, life is hectic, we all live in a 24/7 world. So what’s the answer?
Easy, you don’t have to join. If you give-up living your burnout lifestyle and start living with more ‘enlightened balance’ in your life (notice we said ‘enlightened’ not perfect balance, another mythical monster!) you will still be successful, hey probably more successful, and you will stay sane!
Our solemn promise to you is to keep writing about all of this stuff so you can do what we did, give up burnout and live to defy ordinary! It’s way more fun.
So, are you ready? Next time that overwhelm buzzer goes off…let someone else get the door! You’ve got better things to do…you are a Burnout Queen!
Until Next Time…Grab Life by the Crown!
P.S. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.