burnout

What is burnout; information and understanding of the experience of burning out

Divine Madness | Love Your Work!

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The Burnout Queens love Love; big Love, small Love, puppy Love!  Of course we are talking about Love today, check the date!  (There are times we love to be predictable!)  In past years we’ve ‘done’ Love (with a capital L), we’ve definitely talked about self-love and yes we have even explored the steamy kind, but love of work, loving what you do, is not necessarily the dot that gets connected to hearts and flowers.

Plato referred to love as ‘divine madness’ and Freud believed that two of the most important aspects of life were love and work.  So is it madness to believe you need to love your work to be healthy and happy?  The Burnout Queens don’t think so!

We have a very real need to love what we do… our work, the product, our art, our contribution and our success.
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If we connect love with work we should expect big moments of passion, true calling, momentous insights, or at least a big ‘kissy fest’ with our colleagues all the time…right?   Not necessarily so.

It can be a challenge to notice signs, big or small, of the kind of love that means your work is engaging your soul.  These signs often hide in the everyday, the mundane, the tedious and the commonplace.  So what exactly are you looking for?

Well, when you work with mindfulness you begin to identify signs of loving what you do: a moment of pride for a well done job; a rush of warmth, understanding or caring toward a co-worker;  the comfortable familiarity of an everyday task; the old books on the shelves in the boardroom; taking a moment to ‘see’ the painting you love on your office wall, the view outside your window; knowing you are doing ‘good’ work or providing for your life and family.

Here are some moments of love in my work:

black-heart15Typing this draft with my soul-dog on my lap (not great for my posture but fab for my heart),
black-heart15Receiving a ‘Hello here’s what I’m up to!’ from a long-ago (but never forgotten) client,
black-heart15Having an ‘ah hah moment’ when two seemingly diverse ideas collide and become something new...BIG LOVE!
black-heart15Writing that flows from the heart.
black-heart15A hot cup of tea and biscuit on the corner of my desk.
black-heart15Being ‘told’ to take a break by a ball dropped on my foot or thrown down the stairwell followed by barking!
black-heart15Receiving baby pictures, pet pictures, family pictures from clients new and old.
black-heart15Taking a brain-break by editing something already written (ah relax).
black-heart15Dropping a quick “Thinking of you” to a client for no reason other than to connect.
black-heart15Hearing the birds in the tree outside my window.
black-heart15Looking up to see the picture of Dad on my bookshelf.
black-heart15Stopping to read the Burnout Queens Desiderata (You mean you haven’t got one? Join the Realm Darlings!)

Let’s be honest we can all lose the love of our work from time to time! 

There will be days you don’t feel like showing up, but don’t make the mistake of thinking this means you don’t love what you do!

Stress, pressures, deadlines, dreaded tasks, the evil boss or conniving colleague, or just the tedium of the everyday can trick even the most enlightened and sensitive amongst us into missing (or possibly avoiding or ignoring) many opportunities to connect with the love of what you do.

In the BIG picture we all want to be happy at work.  We want our work to be engaging, pleasurable and fun at times.  We truly want to feel like we are doing something that contributes to the wellbeing of others in the world.  That sense of contributing is love personified.

Yes there are times when we drag ourselves ‘to the office’ moaning, but there are other times when maybe life is in turnoil that work becomes a place of refuge, a sanctuary.  Just the other day a client whose world has been turned upside down said it so clearly, “Thank goodness for my work, it’s keeping me sane!”  There was a time that my office became my retreat, my haven of peace, from family illness, crises and loss.  It was physically a peaceful and serene place, I loved my clients, and when ‘in session’ I was unavailable to the outside world!  What’s not to love.

Even if you aren’t currently in your ideal job or career, allow yourself to love aspects of what you are doing.

Finding love for what you do in the present doesn’t mean you can’t dream about the future and embrace change when it comes.
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Love for your work, in whatever nooks and crannies you can find it, opens up your imagination, your creativity and awakens your soul.

Being a highly sensitive woman means you were delightfully designed to find work you love but first you have to find love in your work. 

 

From our hearts to yours…Happy Valentines Day!

 

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev xx

PS.  The BOQs would love to hear from you!  Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

Giving Is Simply Fun

This last Christmas, The Burnout Queens decided to add a little sparkle to girls’ and womens’ lives.  We decided it’s time to put our Christmas Chaos Campaign into action.

Ladies who read us…and get our philosophy…were asked to purchase our It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Chaos video and learn how to create delight in the holidays, instead of dread!   As an incentive we decided to send all the proceeds…yes 100% +…to WaterAid to help young girls get an education rather than walking all day to gather water for their village.  The purchase + our donation match + UK governments match.

Well…proud to say that we got some lovely hearted women on board and we raised £50.00 for WaterAid.  So like all good women after Christmas….we shopped!  Here’s what we got with your help, our help and the government’s help:  a bag or 2 of cement, enough to build the foundations of a village loo!!

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And because a woman can’t just stop at bags, we thought a little red toolkit was the perfect accessory.  This red toolkit will fix the water supplies in not 1, but 10 villages. 

ShopForLife_CardVisuals_3_Toolkit_Cover_grandeNow that’s what I call a shopping spree.  It was fantastically fun to know that your £2 expanded to give young girls the chance to open a book or two and help her village for the future in a different and important way.

And we hope that those of you who helped in this global way, found some fun and merriment in the suggestions we gave on our latest edition of It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Chaos.

 

Till next year’s campaign kicks off with another offering.  Thanks from us to all our Burnout Queen friends.  Your generosity is uplifting.

With love, The Burnout Queens xx

 

Not My Responsibility!

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Twice this week clients, professional HSP working women, have wanted my opinion about situations that had come up at work and the common denominator…is this my responsibility?

Responsibility is tricky for us highly sensitive (dare I say, oh sure why not since I’m one too!) perfectionistic, over-achieving, and highly ethical and responsible women!   You see we have been raised and trained to take responsibility for everything and anything whether it actually is our responsibility or not!  And we step up and then we stew about it.  Two scenarios:

First one:  Client is aware that a colleague is partaking in some pretty unethical behaviour.  My client had alerted the owners of the company about this possibility when they hired this other worker – it wasn’t a suggestion to not hire them just to keep an eye on them.  Over and over again my client tried to raise the red flag, which was part of her original consultancy responsibility but wasn’t really listened to by the powers that be.  This time my client directly addressed the situation with the person who was carrying out this questionable behaviour to be met with a complete ‘who cares!’ attitude.  So now she was wondering do I go to ‘the bosses’ with it?  Lots of you are probably saying, ‘of course!’ (probably because you are also  HSPs full of integrity).

My response…not your responsibility any longer, let it go.  They didn’t listen to you before, they are not going to listen now.  Take yourself off the hook and don’t enter a contentious situation.

Second situation:  Budget!  My client, a financial exec, brings forward an invoice of varying tech costs with a whole list of reasons why some should be excluded from these tech consultants.  Bosses attitude is “just pay it!”  But, but, but…

My response…not your company, his company, you did your job, you raised the issue, you showed him the evidence…pay it, it’s his money! 

I’ll probably have lots of people disagreeing with me, even I disagree with me sometimes! However, I also know that our proclivity to take 150% responsibility for things that aren’t ultimately our responsibility gets us into trouble.

Take the steps you need to feel like you can look at yourself in the mirror, know you have done your best, then let it go. You can’t be right, or listened to, all the time.  Darn!

Love, Dr Toby (The Burnout Queens)) xx

Late For An Important Date?

vintage watch in pinkIf you are a woman always struggling to show up on time, this is for you.

We know you are juggling so many balls in the air that it’s often hard to fit everything into your day.  Quite often you may find yourself running late.  More often you overbook your day because you are busy running around for everyone else in your life (in which case, we need to talk).  You may even want to re-acquaint yourself with Dr B’s post September 10th, 2015 about her client’s struggle with time.

But fear not dear one, The Burnout Queens have a Contingency System designed for you.  Between your bookings, jobs, school run, clients, meetings, and any blank space in your diary think…

20   30   40   50  or  60 MINUTE INTERVALS

The result?  Travel time, shifting gears, grabbing lunch, finding your breath…all sorted.  Who knows, you may even have time for a quiet cuppa and cake (a Burnout Queens must-do)!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx 

 

Can’t Keep Your Antlers Straight?

Antlers on straight

Can’t keep your antlers straight?…

You might just be in the Loop! That’s the B-Loop we’re talking about.  What’s the B-Loop?  Well my dears… B is for Burnout!

The holiday season is defined by stress and pressure: TV ads with sparkling lights and happy happy families, perfect dinners, happy families, mounds of presents, did we mention happy families?!!!

It’s enough to give you the chills! But you are a Burnout Queen so when the pressure hits you get going!

You vow you will..

  • dig in and push harder
  • achieve more
  • write more lists, check them twice (no make that 10 times!)
  • make double the shortbread
  • plan the perfect Holiday menu
  • craft like a crazy lady
  • buy more lights for the house (the neighbours doubled theirs!)
  • get more prezzies for the kids, musn’t disappoint
  • create the perfect decorating scheme
  • and get a reindeer for the front lawn (note to self make that a real one!)

Don’t look up you’re not doneYou…

  • need to paint the guestroom, (it’s tired)
  • order the new sofa in time for the neighbourhood party
  • find the perfect dress for the office party (not too sexy not too prim)
  • make the Christmas pageant costumes (1 angel, 2 shepherds)
  • lose the extra weight by the holidays
  • and love your in-laws by Dec 24!

Welcome to the B-Loop!  It’s a slippery slope with or without snow!

Burnout Queens think it’s normal to be in the Loop! We don’t recognise the pattern.  Well, now you can!  It looks like this…

stress >> dig in >> do more>> achieve less>> stress >>push harder

You live in the Loop with a smile on your face, you make it look easy and no one knows you are skating on thin ice!  And because you make it look so easy-peasy everyone just expects you to do it all again…and again…and again…

Next year it will be different!  We’ve heard that before, but now it can!   Stick with us Darling Burnout Queens and we will show you how to get out of the Loop and stay out!

Join us inside The Realm and see how other women are escaping the Loop.  What a gift!  (Click here to become a free member instantly)

Until next time…sparkle!   Dr Toby, The Burnout Queens xx

 

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