In a recent article about ambivalence being an obstacle to your success I promised to share a couple of other hidden barriers to HSP success. Well, promises are promises. So if you are ready, drum roll please, here it is the next hidden barrier to success…
Change, even change we want, shakes-up who we are. You could call it an ‘identity quake’!
Big lifestyle shifts force us to take a closer look at who we are; how we live in the world, in relation to others, and most importantly in relationship to ourselves.
Big change, the ‘omg I can’t believe I’m doing this’ kind of change, always brings at least a touch of fear, confusion, and even angst. You can’t get away from it even if you try. So, (needed note to self and you) don’t go believing anybody who swears they never sweat-it when changing it up, especially if they post (or boast) their fearless change on FB!
We fret and stress about who we may become if we change, when we change, and that becomes a barrier to moving forward.
I mean, the mind chatter alone can keep you in hiding:
“What if I turn into a totally new person?”
“What if I am unrecognisable to others?
“What if others don’t like who I become?”
“What if I don’t like who I become?”
We aren’t being paranoid; our investment in our ‘this is who I am’ factor is huge. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, not to mention time and energy have gone into it. We spend our whole lives building our self-identity from the moment we arrive on the planet right on through to the end of our ‘golden’ years.
So why don’t more of us take that leap? Well, we don’t realise how much of our self-identity is wrapped-up in our current lifestyle whether we are happy with it or not. This kind of knowledge lurks below the surface so it feels ‘too’ difficult to imagine a new way of living, a new reality, let alone a whole new you, even to us HSPs who are ace at imagining all sorts of things. When we get dug-in to identifying ourselves with our lifestyle it doesn’t leave much room for the possibility of seeing ourselves in a whole new light…let alone a whole new life!
We tend to hang onto that sinking ‘lifestyle’ raft even if it is one of stress, chaos, sadness, or even burnout.
At times of change big enough to create an identity-quake, we will question the majority of our current life-roles. It’s simply part of the process but can feel pretty threatening since a huge part of our self-identity is based on life roles. We start entertaining questions like: ‘Can I see myself not being a partner or not being a teacher, moving away from family or going back to school?’ In fact, you begin to live with a lot of questions and very few answers.
“Will I still be a perfect boss, a good parent, a loving partner, the rising star at the office, a top earner, the most likely to succeed?”
Plain and simply, you begin to find it hard to know who you are, to see yourself, to remember what you believe in, or even what you like to do. Self-doubt goes up and you get a case of shaky confidence. That’s when you begin to play hide-and-seek with your success.
No wonder you get wobbly knees when
so much of who you are in the world is up for grabs.
There will be times when you feel like you do not recognise yourself any more. Think of it like one of those moments when you cut your hair off and you walk by a store window or mirror, see your reflection and for a brief moment you think it’s someone else. What happens next? Exactly! You suddenly recognise the new you, in fact you think you look pretty cool! Slowly over time as you live with the changes, live your new lifestyle, you also begin to live and love the ‘new you’ that emerges.
A little scary? Absolutely, but now that you understand how an ‘identity-quake’ can become a hidden barrier to potential it no longer has the power to send you into hiding. Instead of hooking into fear and anxiety think about the exciting and refreshing opportunities and discoveries that will come your way. Life will offer you opportunities to reinvent yourself not once, not twice, but many times over.
So what do the Burnout Queens always say? Embrace Life!
Love, The Burnout Queens xx
