It’s time again! It’s time to address overwhelm. Every couple of years we revisit this topic, but each and every week we talk to clients about how they are feeling seriously overwhelmed in their lives. Back when I first started writing about overwhelm I called it the ‘curse of the 21st century’ and, you know what, I haven’t changed my mind one bit. I mean to say…
Feeling overwhelmed
can bring the strongest of us to our knees.
Now, overwhelm is usually associated with a ‘to do’ list that could stretch around the globe, but we can also become overwhelmed from thoughts whirling in our head, or too many decisions to make, or even one too many great choices to choose from. Here’s my current example, I’m desperately looking forward to my niece and two great (and I mean great!) nieces visiting in May. I happily drop everything to spend time with these three, but beforehand my head is whirling with figuring out how to fit in all the adventures we want to have, when to get the dog sitter, which outings require the train and which ones suit the car (with or without panting dogs in the back seat!), dare I say it I’m overwhelmed by planning fun!
The most common misperception about overwhelm is that it has everything to do with ‘To Do’s’.
Well, my lovelies, overwhelm is not about the stuff. Overwhelm is about the feelings that surround the stuff, the many projects, tasks, demands, shoulds, ought to’s, and everything else that lands on your list. Being overwhelmed stems from a torrent of feelings and thoughts that all hit at the same time and vie for attention: feelings, thoughts, needs, wants, expectations and obligations all falling over each other trying to be first in line. That’s what overwhelm is.
I need to…I should…what if I can’t?
When you are overwhelmed you likely feel a mixture of some of these emotions (Perfectionism alert! There is no ‘right or wrong’ combo!): stress, confusion, fear, anger, pressure, unsureness, embarrassment, and/or shame. You may feel like you want to run or you may feel paralysed and can’t act. You may feel like you can’t think. You believe you can’t find a solution. And you know what, at that moment you are right, you can’t find a solution. Not at that moment anyway.
When we focus only on the ‘stuff’ our focus gets bogged down in how to get more and more done, how to prioritise all the seemingly ultra-important tasks, how to beat the clock, how to work faster and faster, until ultimately we end up tripping over our own feet and falling flat on our face!
Getting over the shame of being overwhelmed is a huge step.
There is no shame in becoming overwhelmed. It happens. So let’s drop the shame, drop the embarrassment, drop the fear that we are failing and look at a few very simple, but very savvy solutions.
No. 1: Own it! Declare your state of mind. Be bold, and say it outloud, “I’m overwhelmed!”
No. 2: Walk away. Yes, that’s right, walk away from overwhelm, nothing will happen, the world will not end, and you will not explode into a gazillion little pieces.
No. 3: Unpack the feelings. Overwhelm is only the bubble wrap and you have to unwrap it to see what is of any value.
No. 4: Get down off that ledge! Give yourself some time, distance, and quiet.
When you are overwhelmed not only your brain needs a break, but your body also needs a break. Overwhelm signals a ‘perceived threat’ and your body is part of the warning system. You may find your heart racing or flip-flopping, your breathing may get rapid, you may get all sweaty or shaky, you could develop a headache, feel nauseated, or some icky combination of the above!
So to recap… Own it (I’m overwhelmed!!!); Walk away (tea and cake); Unpack the feelings (get to the nitty gritty); Get off that ledge! (phew)
Now you want to stay off that ledge! So once you have had 10-20 minutes of absolute chill time (doing nothing, saying nothing, thinking nothing) and your brain has stopped smoking, get out a pad of paper (no technology you need tactile) and…
No. 5: Decide. Write down one small step (yes only one, more is not better) that you can take to get unstuck.
No. 6: Do it.
That’s it. Now repeat: focus, find the next small step (don’t look any further ahead that’s where overwhelm lurks), do it. Repeat.
So, one last time (I know I’m repeating myself, but I can’t say it enough) being overwhelmed is not about the stuff it IS all about the feelings. So what do you need to do? It’s simple, it’s savvy…it’s simply savvy! You got it…
Get quiet, find your focus, act.