In our last Feature Article we talked about speaking-up and being heard while remaining true to our sensitive, creative and unique nature. Well, as promised, this article is going to take assertiveness to a whole new level of importance. We are going to shake your awareness! But, first you have to change the word from assertiveness to assertion…now we are talking Burnout Queen language!
Assertion means being seen, heard and counted.
Assertion is believing you have the right to speak up, take up space, be noticed, be visible and be known for all your strengths and gifts. Now that’s powerful.
BUT…BUT…BUT…
We are girls. We are not supposed to be pushy, bossy, grabby, selfish, and we are not supposed to let our tempers rip! We are not supposed to know too much, brag too much or push our way to the front of the line! Absolutely not, it’s not ladylike to elbow your way through the crowd or throw your hand up to be the first to answer or yell “ I know, I know!” We are not supposed to want second helpings or the biggest piece of cake. We are definitely not supposed to go around bragging about all of our A-marks, the goals we scored or our latest promotion.
It’s a cultural thing. (Sigh…) We were raised and trained in NON-Assertiveness. This non-assertiveness training reinforces the idea that we shouldn’t be big, loud, demanding, decisive, noticeable or powerful. Yes, girls are raised and trained to be pink and perfect. (Yes still, it hasn’t changed much, check out the toy stores).
Now here’s where it gets interesting; this is BIG stuff, really big, as in life changing big!
Your accomplishments are expressions of your assertion! Assertion is achieving.
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Read that one line again and let it sink in! Achievement is not usually included in the definition of assertiveness. However, when we change the word to assertion the meaning changes as well. Now we are talking being seen and heard, in short being visible! Assertion includes communicating and expressing yourself. It also means being creative, making bold decisions, being big, bravely taking up space in the world and…here it comes…achieving.
When you fear assertiveness, you will avoid assertion and that means avoiding accomplishing and achieving. You will avoid failure AND success. This has huge ramifications. What if you are an artist, a lawyer, a teacher, what if you want to run your own business, write songs, take amazing photos. Whose going to know? Whose going to see them? Whose life can you change if you are afraid of being known?
Think of it this way…
When you stay out of the spotlight for whatever reason you can say ‘bye-bye’ to accomplishing and achieving all of the things in life that you want or dream of doing and being.
The power of assertion is expressing who you are through your success.
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This new awareness is profoundly life changing and a part of us fights against believing it because of our non-assertion training. Non-assertion training leads to feeling torn between wanting to achieve your dreams and wanting to stay comfortably (or invisibly) in the background. Non-assertion training leads you to believe that your drive to achieve is unnatural or undesirable, but the need to achieve, accomplish and create is built-in. The desire to be all that you can be is as natural as breathing.
When you stifle your natural drive towards assertion and block that energy you end up tense, anxious, frustrated, worried, fearful, stuck, bored, unfulfilled, unsatisfied and underachieving!
When you cannot, will not, assert who you are in the world you end up burning out.
So it’s consciousness raising time! When you hold yourself back from being everything you can be ~ brave, bold, authentic, successful, achieving & enthusiastic ~ you are robbing the world of all the glorious strength, creativity and love you have to offer!
Stop worrying about being too smart, too strong, too expressive of your unique self, too bold, too powerful, too opinionated, too independent, too brave and yes, even too successful or accomplished.
Ladies, repeat after me…
When I embrace who I am, when I achieve what I want, when I accomplish my dreams I embody the power of assertion.
Go ahead, speak up, stand up and stand out.
PS. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.