Back in May we promised we would share three hidden barriers that can stop you from achieving all you want in your life including more balance, success, peace of mind, and less burnout. We named Ambivalence as the first hidden barrier. Ambivalence hides in the shadows of self-doubt. Although by it’s very definition it’s ‘wishy-washy’ it can become a huge personal obstacle. Well, my darling BOQ, not any more. You know what to do when it comes to Ambivalence.
The second hidden barrier set to derail lifestyle plans comes from the inner impact change has. For many Highly Sensitive sorts BIG change brings on an Identity Quake. Wondering “Who will I be when I change?” can be particularly unnerving!
So, it is time for the third hidden barrier. Ever heard the saying ‘misery loves company’? Sadly, not everyone will cheer you on when you decide to upgrade your life plans. Some of those around you will unconsciously attempt (and a few knowingly attempt) to keep you stuck in your old lifestyle. Don’t underestimate how the opinions of others can affect your plans…pro or con.
We call it the ‘Cheerleader Dilemma’.
Oh, they want to cheer you on but it’s that old fear of change. Fear of you changing creates fear in them; fear that you are going to leave them in the dust! In some ways their fears are grounded in reality. Things, and you, won’t necessarily be the same and that creates tension.
Some people close to you will tell themselves (and probably tell you as well!) that they are saving you from yourself. They truly believe they have your best interests at heart. They want to save you from making a mistake, failing, or suffering a big disappointment. It’s lovely that they want to protect you but it really has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Life changes can pose a threat to friends and colleagues…and then there is family!
Families live via a family script. Each and every member of the family is expected to follow that script, often without question. It is assumed that everyone is in the same story, on the same page, and expecting the same ending.
What do you mean you want to change the whole plot line?
Even when the only part of the story you want to rewrite is yours it can trigger family discontent. So, forewarned is forearmed, don’t be surprised or put-off if your rewrite isn’t exactly welcomed with open arms.
As you explore your new moves some people will come right out and tell you that you are being ‘naiive, unrealistic, selfish, or that you simply want too (there’s that word!) much’. Others will be more, shall we say, subtle with their opinions. Whatever their style of delivery the underlying message is the same,
When YOU change you upset MY world.
Well, they are right, the status quo is definitely changing and that is called life. Being Highly Sensitive means you always take others feelings into account and you always give a ton of thought to every change you undertake. Less than supportive messages from those you care about can trigger self-doubt, churn up your fears, and lead you to question whether you truly want or deserve the change you are after.
Well, my love, it is your life and your change so carry on! Here is a super simple and very practical tip (and one that the BOQs have personally used time and time again). Don’t just read it and think, “Yeah that’s a good idea!” Do it and you will thank us, promise.
Write a short ‘explanation’ of the changes you are going to make. Include why you want and/or need to make such a change. Now practice. Repeat your explanation out loud, over and over. When the inevitable challenges and questions come, and they will, you will be ready with your answer. Answer once and move on. Do not deviate from your prepared response. No apologies needed. Do not rationalise your answer and definitely do not justify your answer. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone.
Of course, not all the messages you get from others will be negative. There will be true and cherished cheerleaders waving you on towards success. Trust them. Believe in them believing in you. It is great to have fans, supporters, and believers. It buoys you up when your own courage wobbles. So, our darling BOQs, onward…
This is your life you are changing. Do it your way. Your style. Here’s to your success.
Love, The Burnout Queens xx
PS: If you want to review the last 2 Feature Articles mentioned above click here:
What Keeps You Tap-Dancing Around Success? Ambivalence…That’s What! https://theburnoutqueens.com/tap-dancing-success-ambivalence/
Tired of Playing Hide and Seek With Your Potential? The HSP Identity-Quake. https://theburnoutqueens.com/hsp-identity-quake/