Highly Sensitive Woman

The experience of living as a highly sensitive woman in a noisy, busy and unrelenting world

Finding Your Stride | When Life Changes

Finding Your Stride | When Life Changes

In 2009 we had a sign on the office wall that simply read,

Burn the Boats!

It was our mantra as we embarked upon the biggest change we had ever made in our lives.  We had decided to pack up our entire lives and move from Canada to England.  We were no strangers to BIG change, but this one was a whopper.

Each and every week we talk to women who post-burnout are finding their new stride as they set their course for the future.  Regardless of the reasons they have stumbled, relationship breakup, job loss, career change, or health challenges, they know that life is going to change sometimes to the point that it will be unrecognisable.   They have decided to burn the boats!

Now, if you don’t know where that phrase came from, well when Cortes landed in Mexico in 1519 he and his men (sorry no women allowed back then) faced a fierce battle.  As they set off up the hill Cortes ordered his aide back to the beach with a single command…Burn the boats!  Sometimes there is no going back.

We will all reach a point in life at some time or another when we have to forge a new direction.

Maybe that time is now for you.  Has the way you have been comfortably living now become so uncomfortable that it feels like life is suffocating you?  Perhaps you have arrived at a point where everything that was once so familiar now seems strange.   Sometimes it will be of your own making and sometimes you will be catapulted into change.  Either way, you may want to burn the boats.

Of course, moving away from everything you know as ‘your life’ is difficult and scary, but as human beings we are meant to outgrow ourselves!  We age, we mature, we change inside and out, and there is little we can do to avoid the process.  Change is natural and it is going to happen with you or without you, so really, truly, you have no choice but to to move forward and through it.

What counts is how you approach big changes, handle the transition, and ultimately find your stride again.

There is no denying it there will be times when change is terrifying, exhausting, and even times when it brings despair.  However, flip side…change also brings growth, renewal, joy, and excitement.  And what about new adventures?  We are all about new adventures.

Now with all the BIG changes we have made in our lives we have heard all the questions, like…

How do you stop worrying about what’s at the other end?

You don’t.  You consider all your choices, make decisions, make more decisions, and ultimately realise that change means accepting the unknown, which in time will once again settle into the familiar.

Next question…

How do you handle the fear?

Easy, peasy, you don’!  You just wade into it and confront it.  When I was a kid at the beach and the tide was miles out, I couldn’t wait to get out to that farthest sandbar to explore!  That meant having to wade through many tidal pools full of scary seaweed and who knows what else!  So I had to make a choice, stay afraid and never feel the exhilaration of reaching the sandbar with all of it’s treasures, or start wading.  No contest, roll up those ‘pedal-pushers’ (capris for some of you) and plunge in.

Finally, we always get asked,

How do you keep going when you hit obstacles or things go wrong?

One foot in front of the other, what else?  Keep the dream in sight and have faith.  You have to believe in yourself and in your dream.  And you have to be tenacious.

There is no avoiding it, in every person’s life there will come a time, or two or three, when everything will change no matter how much you may try to keep it all the same.  If you choose out of fear you end up with a less than satisfactory result.  If you choose out of a sense of adventure, belief, and faith you take your life in amazing directions.  You may stumble but you will get there!

Obstacles or opportunities…you choose!

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev xx

 

The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

10 Years Stronger and loving it

strong-womanThe Realm’s weekly postcard with it’s assignment arrived in my inbox this past Sunday. It made me think about the question and how I would answer it, and so I posted in our private facebook page.

Then I thought, this is important, so I’m sharing it here as well.

 

The assignment for this week’s The Realm postcard asked our members to think not about their age, but about what or how age has changed them for the better over the last 10 years.  So here was my answer….

” 10 years on and I am stronger and more able to say NO to people and things that aren’t right for me.  How did I come to this?  After several ‘crazy and manipulative’ people in my life pre UK and here as well, I can clearly and quickly see the train wreck coming towards me, so I say NO and get out.  It may look like I’m a rude or unfriendly person, but having experienced prolonged relationships with friends, colleagues and family members who were not good for my health and mind, I have learned I have a choice to look after me.”

Here are my examples (and feel free to leave yours in the comments below)

  • If someone blames me for something they clearly did themselves…they are banished quickly (my new Burnout Queen rules)
  • If someone undermines, smears or belittles me and what I know in order to bolster their own inadequacies…they are banished immediately.
  • If someone wants to talk only and always about themselves, and never asks about me…they are given a few chances…and then they are banished forever!

Some people will judge this as b**chy (and believe you me they have and on several occasions convinced me I was) but I don’t mind because 10 years on, my heart is in the right place and I am firm about what I have learned the hard way.

Life post-burnout is ‘very’ different thankfully.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

 

Hello from Brighton & London!: 1 October 2016

Happy October!  September brought the last few days of our family visit, and that meant enjoying the last few days of cultural splendour at museums and castles in and around London.  An exhibition of lingerie, a bomb scare evacuation at the coach station (made for a hasty retreat into the back streets), the little train ride to the castle, all added-up to a great time.

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And now The Burnout Queens are back to normal, whatever you want normal to be when you live and work from home.   For us seaside normal is enjoying rituals like Sunday breakfasts and Friday doughnut mornings in The North Laines.  It’s a fabulous way to enjoy the vibe of the area and squeeze in our daily walk as well.

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Getting back into the everyday groove can be challenging, so we booked something cultural to give us a day away from ‘the office’.  Brighton was the final stop for the play, ‘The Dresser’ prior to opening on London’s West End.  We couldn’t miss this opportunity for brilliant acting and drama, so we dropped everything and booked an afternoon matinee (the perks of solopreneurs).   If you are in London go see it, it’s fab, and if you aren’t you can always watch the timeless movie.

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We are definitely ready for Autumn and any rainfall that arrives with it.  Well, The Burnout Pups are at least.  No more wringing out the buckets of damp from these shorties now that new raingear is here (they always look adorable).  And while we didn’t get new rain attire, we will console ourselves with yummy tea and home baking!

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Did you see, listen to, or read about our newest project?   We have just launched it! 

Quiet the Buzz of Everyday Life…
creating calm for the Highly Sensitive Woman.

The programme shares our unique ‘everyday’ way to quiet overarousal, create a calmer you, and make you more resiliant to the busyiness and stress of daily life.  Mini-audios and videos (21 in all) show you a variety of ways to enjoy and benefit from physical relaxation, breath awareness, mindfulness and even some mini meditations.  Little and often is our philosophy.

It’s quick, it’s easy and it doesn’t break the budget.  Your best buy at £27.99 for everything (or £22.99 if you are a member of The Realm!). 

Quiet-the-Buzz-title-page201Watch our video presentation here and get started! https://theburnoutqueens.com/quiet-buzz-sales

 

 

Until November (wow), have a groovy month.

Love,

The Burnout Queens | Dr Toby and Dr Bev

PS:  The Realm!  Our global women’s club is growing fast and our reach is truly worldwide (although there are a few corners on the map we have yet to welcome),so count yourself in too.   Register for your instant membership here: https://theburnoutqueens.com/the-realm/

Rest for the Soul

dandelionWe awoke to a great new research study being talked about on BBC Breakfast earlier this week.  It’s called The Anatomy of Rest and perhaps you’ve heard about it by now.  If not, let us share some of the findings with you.

We are talking about REST, which is not to be confused with Sleep.  There has been plenty of research conducted on sleep patterns, amount of sleep, sleep deprivation, etc, etc, etc.  For the first time there is a study on rest.  18,000 people  from 134 countries took a Rest Test by BBC Radio 4 and Wellcome Collection’s researchers Hubbub.  What do you think they found?

The findings are bang on with what we at The Burnout Queens and all our community of highly sensitive and exhausted women know all too well.  We need and want more rest!

2/3 of the people in this study said they wanted more rest.  When asked what would rest look like, it came in different forms, everything from sleeping, sipping coffee, sitting in front of the TV and doing ultramarathons.  The top ‘rest activity’ came as a surprise to the research team… Reading. The other top activities were ‘being in nature’, music and being alone.  It seems the majority of us need and want regular solitude to rest and restore ourselves.

So why don’t we rest more?  The report showed we feel guilty when we squeeze out time for ourselves.  I don’t think this is surprising to women.  We feel selfish and self-centred (which means our guilt and stress rises) when we take time away from everything and everybody else in our lives to have a quiet moment for us. Women are already living in a state of exhaustion and don’t think they have the ‘time’ to recoup.  We have to turn that notion on it’s head. The ultimate gift we can give ourselves is to consciously and deliberately create an inner calm that will make us more resilient to the outside world.

Now here’s the easy part. The Burnout Queens have designed a fast, simple and extremely effective group of  21audios and videos that help you create that inner calm and resilience needed in your everyday life.  Quiet the Buzz of Everyday Life…creating calm for the Highly Sensitive Woman can be done anywhere, anytime; walking, shopping, waiting for the kids, on your break, waiting for your latte.  Promise.

Why not see for yourself and solve the dilemma of rest, calm and quiet within yourself?!?   Watch our video about Quiet the Buzz and get yourself started now

Embrace the calm!

With love, The Burnout Queens

 

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