Highly Sensitive Woman

The experience of living as a highly sensitive woman in a noisy, busy and unrelenting world

Time To Lose Your Luggage! | Letting go doesn’t mean giving up

Time To Lose Your Luggage! Letting go doesn’t mean giving up.

Seriously, my dear, is it time to get rid of the ‘baggage’?  If it feels like you are  dragging a trolley full of luggage with you everywhere you go (fashionable luggage of course, you are a Burnout Queen) it may just be time to celebrate losing your luggage.

Oh I know of what I speak.  I spent years weighed down by baggage.  In fact, my luggage resembled one of those amazing vintage Vuitton  travelling wardrobes with a nook, cranny, tiny drawer, or hidden compartment for everything that I was afraid to leave behind.  What it didn’t have was a mirror so that I could see what continually packing around all this stuff was doing to me.

I was exhausted from carrying it around and yet somehow I was afraid that if I put my luggage down, left it in a corner somewhere, I would be giving up.  I wasn’t sure what I would be giving up or even how I would be giving up, but I felt or believed that if I ‘lost my luggage’ I would somehow miss something that was of vital, life-or-death, importance.  So many smart, creative, sensitive women are afraid to let go of something from their past because in some way letting go feels like giving up, or giving in, or accepting defeat.  But it’s not!

Darling, there is a big difference between giving up and letting go.
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Giving up is an unconscious act that develops over time.  Burnout involves lots of giving up.   You give up what you enjoy, what makes you happy, what brings you meaning, your priorities, and even your values.  Over time you give  up your true Self, the very essence of who you are.  Last but certainly not least, with burnout you give up hope.

Letting go is a concsious act, a choice, a decision to pack-up and move on.  I remember being told so many times in the past to ‘just let it go’, the problem was, I didn’t know what I was supposed to let go of let alone how to let it go.  So instead I added ‘feeling like a failure because I couldn’t let go’ to my list of things I couldn’t let go of.

Hanging onto the past doesn’t allow you to build the resilience you need to deal with new challenges, pressures, and problems.   In fact, the freedom to experience and enjoy anything new simply doesn’t exist when you can’t relinquish the past.  Hanging on to the way things ‘used to be’, ‘were supposed to be’, ‘you were promised they would be’ keeps you trapped in a time warp ripe with resentment, disappointment, cynicism, and disillusionment.

Letting go opens the door for transformation.

Letting go involves thought and self reflection.  Start by asking yourself why you are hanging onto the past and why you need to let it go.   Letting go allows you to clear the debris, dissolve old ideas, change habits, and release or transform old patterns.

Do you know, or perhaps have suspicions about, what you are continuing to pack in your luggage?  Sometimes we have to let go of what we know, who we know, and maybe even who we are.

Do you need to let go of…

  • a friendship that drains you more than fulfills you
  • a bad situation you have stayed in too long
  • a career/job that depletes your soul
  • beliefs that don’t fit you anymore
  • old learning
  • obsolete attitudes
  • self-criticism
  • maybe even an ‘old’ you

We resist letting go because we fear the ‘pause’ between the exhale and the inhale; the place between ‘what was’ and ‘what isn’t’…yet.  Well, my Darling, don’t be afraid.  That place between the exhale and the inhale is also the place of of possibilities, dreams, and opportunities.  It is the place of ‘What if?’.

When you let go you discover the power, courage, & freedom to allow life to flow through you.
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In letting go you create a future that is different from your past, a future free from burnout forever.

Love, Dr Toby & Dr Bev xx

PS. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

Prepping for vacation: The Burnout Queens style

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Here we were rushing, working, preparing, writing, and recording our latest programme all before the lovely relations joined us for two weeks of hols in the hot english seaside.

We were working to a deadline but it was a mindset and an arbitrary date that, if kept, would see us exhausted and grumpy for the hols (I wish they weren’t coming so soon) instead of anticipating them with joy (can’t wait to see them again)!  So we decided it’s joy rather than exhaustion. 

How did we turn it around in our favour. You know the answer. We did it with Burnout Queen-style!

  • Listening to our own wisdom (walking the walk)
  • Being mindful of our bodies screaming ‘stop already’
  • Prioritising us over the work (front & centre)
  • Knowing when to say ‘no’ and let it go

That meant we stopped early and left the outstanding bits for our return. The old burnout personality would have thought ‘eeek not a wise decision, better get it finished because you may not be able to find that groove you were in’.   Well that groove was turning into a right old rut and we’ve learned that leaving it can be a far wiser choice.  We had written down where to begin again and what we wanted to say in an outline, so we were covered.  Done with the prep work, all we needed on  return were the sparkly touches.

We trusted how we were feeling and made decisions about our health before digging in and running ourselves into the ground.  We were not going to spoil this vacation. No way, no how. These Burnout Queens had palaces and castles to conquer and lots and lots of tea and cake to eat!

By golly that’s exactly what happened.  Palaces, teas and castles delighted all of us and on return to work, the new programme was sparkled up and launched!

Next time you have a deadline with something wonderful as it’s reward make sure you have the energy left to enjoy it fully.  Remember to prepare for your vacation in true Burnout-Queen-style.

The programme?  We’ve called it …

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This video will give you the complete scoop.  Click here  Enjoy!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

 

Seeking Beauty

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“Oh I can’t afford beautiful things”…

How often I hear this from women who are in jobs they hate, barely making ends meet and thinking they won’t find beauty in their life until something changes.

Well, something can change and that something is how we seek beauty.

You don’t have to purchase anything to have beauty in your life.  Here’s one of the ways I seek beauty.

Stress instantly gets replaced by beauty when I walk into a beautiful florist shop.  Gorgeous flower displays in a shop window entice me in.  I just let the colours, smells and atmosphere start filling my brain with happiness.  It’s a beautiful thing.

As always, thank you Florian the Florist, Hove!  It’s always a delight to step inside your shop!

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

 

 

True story of a smart highly sensitive woman

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I was reminded of #19 the other day and the power one little action step can have in a person’s life.

Helen (a member of The Realm) wrote Dr T & I about a fire that happened in her home.  She said it would have been so much worse if she hadn’t taken this one little action step (taken from our free guide Be The Queen of Calm, Cool & Collected…60 fabulous tips to help you live with less pressure and more ease).  Here’s what she wrote:

Hello lovely ladies – Bev and Toby one of the reasons we were ok and that we didn’t lose the roof was that last weekend I decided to try calm and collected no. 19 -clear out! Previously there had been lots of IKEA toys in the roof space just above the seat of the fire, we cleared these last weekend and took them to a charity shop. The fire investigator said had they still been in situ dripping molten plastic and toxic fumes would have spread the fire and endangered the life of anyone attempting to put out the blaze – I.e. me and hubby. Following your advice saved me from being a burnt to toast queen! Thank you so much xx

 And here’s #19 for you to take action on.  This could just make you the Queen of calm, cool and collected too.

#19 Clear out and get clear! 

When your overwhelm button gets pushed…declutter. A good tidy-up makes you feel back in charge in a flash.  (And it’s soooo productive!)  Go ahead and pick a closet, a drawer, a handbag, your desk or a filing cabinet and get going. Choose your strategy: recycle, sort, shred, donate, sell or simply bin it.  Use that unwelcome moment of overwhelm to clear up the junk in your life…literally and figuratively!

 

I absolutely love that our tips and solutions are so profound in making a woman’s life simpler, easier and in Helen’s case, safer.  Thank you for sharing this with us Helen, you deserve tea and cake!

Why not be like Helen and grab our free guide Be the Queen of Calm, Cool & Collected.  Just enter your details in the box below.  You will thank yourself at some point, we guarantee it.

Love, The Burnout Queens xx

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