Highly Sensitive Woman

The experience of living as a highly sensitive woman in a noisy, busy and unrelenting world

One Singular Decision | The Power of Maxi-Decisions

One Singular Decision | The Power of Maxi-Decisions

I’m going to say this right up front, I am a huge fan of decisions.  I am a believer.

I unreservedly believe that
One Decision can change your life.

Now I do have to say there are decisions and there are decisions.  Everyday all of us make our way through a gazillion decisions from the moment we open our eyes until we close them to go to sleep.  I tend to think of these as mini-decisions.  Mini-decisions that keep life ticking along and most of them we make without even a second thought.  However, these ordinary, everyday decisions are not the decisions I want to talk about.

When I talk about decisions that are life changing I’m talking maxi-decisions.  They may not look extra-special on first examination, they may in fact appear simple and ordinary.  They don’t really have much panache, like deciding to climb Everest or take a hot air balloon around the world, and they are rarely, in my experience, announced by a drum roll.  However, in their quiet simplicity they make your life turn a different corner, redirect or change your life so that it is never quite the same again.  At the time you make that One Decision you may not even realise that is what’s happening.

Let me tell you a story about a woman I know who has made many One Decisions throughout her life.  Some saved her life and all definitely changed the direction of her life forever.

She was close to thirty, successful at what she did, but totally disillusioned with life and bored out of her mind.  Even worse, her life was making her sick; physically, emotionally, and spiritually sick.  Then she made a radical decision to quit work and go to university.  There were many nea-sayers (aren’t there always!) telling her that she had a good job for a woman (true) and reminding her that she had never finished school in the first place (also true) so how was she going to be successful now.  Not one to be deterred she requested an appointment with the Faculty Dean.

When the day came and she raced to the university and breathless and quaking in her pumps was shown into a very large, sombre office only to be met by an equally large, stern looking woman who asked one question, “How can I help you?”  She summoned her courage and answered, “I want my PhD.”  The Dean stared at her with the same intensity that she saw when she stared at herself in the mirror, then simply said, “Here’s what you have to do.”  With that one statement she mapped out the next 15 years of my life.  She believed, like I now do, that One Decision is sometimes all it takes to redirect your life.  If I made that sound overly simple, it was.

That’s the first thing about making One Decision (I always think of it as capitalized) when the time is right it can be decidedly simple and clear.

I have also discovered over the many One Decisions I have made that everyone around me focused on the hoards of mini-decisions that inevitably follow a maxi-decision.  All I heard was a cacophony of “How are you going to do this and what about that?”  I didn’t know at the time and that was a good thing because if I had known and focused on all the small stuff (and yes indeed some large stuff) that I would need to work my way through to achieve three degrees over 15 years I would have never started.  Luckily (and surprisingly!) I didn’t over-think it, I made that One Decision and then gained courage, confidence, and knowledge with every subsequent step.

That’s the second thing about making One Decision, you won’t know what is going to follow and there is no way you can.

Now, just in case you still aren’t sure of what counts as a maxi-decision here are a few examples from the brilliant women Dr. B and I work with along with a few other epic life-turning One Decisions from our lives.

One Decision to…

  • Get out of debt.
  • Adopt a child on your own
  • Live, yes literally live.
  • Retire
  • Totally change careers.
  • Return to school.
  • Leave a relationship.
  • Get married.
  • Move to a different country.
  • Give up city life for the country.
  • Exclude someone from your life.
  • Do what you want.
  • Not have children.
  • Stop starving, drinking, or harming oneself.

One Decision, one moment in time when you say,
“I am going to…..”

Everybody’s One Decision looks different but they all have one thing in common – when you make your One Decision your life will never be the same.

Is there One Decision that is calling out to be made in your life right now?   

How do you know?  Well, if there is, your gut is probably kicking in about now with what feels like uneasiness, or anxiety or maybe, just maybe, a flicker of excitement.  You may be burning out, feeling stuck, unhappy or  disillusioned with your life.  Your intuition has probably been whispering to you, or yelling at you if you refuse to pay attention.

Here’s the third thing about such a decision…you know.

When I’m wrapping up an article I always ask myself if I’ve actually expressed what I really truly wanted to.  Usually the answer is a straight forward ‘yes’ (hit send) or ‘no’ (sigh and hit delete).  So, just to make sure I’m going to say it again.

One Decision is sometimes all it takes.

True that One Decision may feel like a dive off the high-board and, you know what, it probably is.  You can and you will work out the details as you go along.  You can and you will sweat it because you care.  However, do not overlook, doubt, or forget that you are smart, creative, strong, insightful, powerful, intelligent and you are worth it.

You deserve to live a life that raises you up and sometimes that requires One Decision.

Go ahead, right now, be more courageous than you ever thought you could.  Defy ordinary and write down your One Decision.  There you go, it’s in the wind.  Now it’s time for you to believe.

Hello from Lewes & London! 2 September 2017

Hello from London & Lewes

“To market, to market, to buy a…home again, home again…”

Happy September everyone!  Do you recognise this nursery rhyme?  The Burnout Queens certainly do (but maybe it’s only from a certain era).

To market, to market shopping is part of that designed lifestyle we’ve been talking about lately.   It encompasses all the choices we make about ‘self-care’ (don’t sneer at self-care, it’s ultimately what gives you the umph to your day).  We placed specific criteria on our self-care; exercise, health, nutrition and joy.  The reward for our forward thinking and planning was being able to put ALL of this into play in our current town.  In fact, it’s even more than we designed.

How…well come to market with us…

‘To market’ means walking there and back, not driving (okay when it’s really awful weather it’s ordered online but rare). It’s so exciting to walk through the 11th C castle keep to the High Street (bonus walking on cobble stones enhances balance and focus to avoid breaking ankles) and down a narrow lane to peak in cute little cottages (guilty of peaking and proud of it).

The market is always buzzing with people, food and flowers.

And then there’s that moment of utter surprise and delight that we just don’t experience on a market shop!

Home again…home again…jiggity jig…

When we’re done, it’s off home, climbing and puffing uphill, but not before running into entertainers heading for the market to spread some extra joy.

Oh and sometimes ‘to market’ doesn’t always go to plan and we get soaked with rain instead of sunshine.  Poor Dr T (shoulda left the sunglasses and packed the umbrella instead)….run darling!  We laughed ourselves silly and sloshed all the way home.  Once the walk, the shop, the tea (which we didn’t include), the entertainment and the hike were done…what’s left are the spoils for the week!  Fresh, nutritious and downright colourful.

Who knew the weekly shop could be so healthy for you.  Self-care on steroids with a gentle creative twist.   We encourage you to enjoy your own brand of self-care.

Until next month,

Embrace Life!

The Burnout Queens | Dr Toby and Dr Bev

Video: A highly sensitive woman has heard these many times over….

The Burnout Queens Wisdom:  A highly sensitive woman has heard these many times over….You’re too moody, smart,  sensitive,  serious,  idealistic…did you know… you can turn ‘too’ into ‘so’?  Repeat after us… I’m so compassionate, intelligent, intuitive, creative and dynamic…embrace your sensitivity, it is the foundation of who you are.

Think Lava Lamp and You’ve Got it! | Balance for the 21st Century

Think Lava Lamp and You’ve Got it! | Balance for the 21st Century

Ok, here goes, deep breath…..I’m going to write about balance.  I’m hesitant because all we hear about is ‘work/life balance’ and that just seems like a somewhat silly distinction to us.  Then there’s always that ‘perfect pie’ of balance (you know the one) or talking about balance like it was a utopia that you would find one day if you did all the ‘right’ things.

For a while we stopped even using the word balance because it had somehow been hijacked by the media and everyone was now on the search for the latest and greatest way of finding Balance (that’s balance with a BIG B).

So we’ve been trying to make this point for years, that there is no ‘perfect pie’ of balance, balance is not a single destination that you find one day (in this Burnout Queen’s life most likely by tripping over it!) and there is far far more to balance than the duality of work and life, frankly that one doesn’t even make sense to us.

There is far more to balance than the simplistic duality of work and life.

Having said all that, it doesn’t mean we don’t believe in balance.  For us it comes in the form of an inner balance, an equilibrium.  We dubbed it ‘living balance’ many many moons ago and you know what, it still fits what we want for our lives, and for yours.

It’s a bit of a play on words, living balance, because you live it day in and day out (yes even on those not so good days) and it is a living thing.  Imagine a 70s lava lamp and you’ve got it!

Living balance is never static, it shifts its shape and weight; stretches and shrinks, rises to the top only to sink to the bottom; it’s all over the place!  Between you and me, that’s exactly what balance in my life is like!

Here’s the BOQs very own definition of living balance (no capital letters please):

living balance, v: living with equilibrium between your needs, wants, values and beliefs, merged with all aspects of your ever changing slightly crazy external world.  adv: taking action based on a deep inner knowledge of who you are (quirkiness, imperfections and all), what you want, and what you need.  n: a lifestyle that brings inner strength, courage, and bounce-back; an energy source and an energy flow.  adj: a harmonious, calming, less stressful way of planning and doing.

That about covers it!

The truly wonderful thing about living balance is that it emanates from the centre of your being.  It’s source lies in being true to who you are and having a considerate and respectful awareness of your feelings, needs, wants, values, and beliefs.  Living balance allows you to focus your energy on creating dreams, building success, fulfilling potential, having life adventures, and enjoying it all.  Sounds big, but it’s not extraordinary, it’s built on embracing ordinary everyday life, big stuff and small stuff, the stuff that simply keeps life ticking along.

Living balance is definitely all about you, the inner you translated honestly and genuinely into your outer world.  It also requires flexibility, resilience, and the willingness to embrace and transcend change.  No more trying to be in five places at once, worrying about making the right decisions, stretching yourself to the point of snapping, and slowly but surely inching towards burnout.

When you live with living balance you are able to give your best to yourself and to each and every significant person in your life. 

So, can you find tranquility, harmony, and equilibrium in a perfectly manic 24/7 world?  Absolutely, but it means seeing balance in a whole new light.  We’ll say it again, lava lamp!

There, done, putting it out there once more.  Balance, living balance.  The kind of balance that allows you to embrace life’s challenges, ups and downs, idiosyncracies, and imperfections with not a ‘perfect pie’ in sight unless we are talking lemon meringue and then we’re in!

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