Sadly, bullying has become more and more common in today’s world. Just look around globally to see some of the best role-models for being a bully! We hear about bullying in the workplace all the time. It doesn’t matter what industry you work in, what rung of the ladder you hang out on, or whether you are self employed or do contract work, at some point you are likely to encounter a bully wearing a tie or heels!
Bullies come in all sizes, shapes, ages, and genders. I have seen bullies in action in the executive suites of corporations, in theatre companies, in volunteer organisations, and in mental health centres where you would think they would know better!
Bullies are predators and HSPs resemble lunch!
When you are Highly Sensitive you go through life treating people with respect, avoiding conflict, not wanting to offend, and often keeping powerful opinions to yourself. To a bully this appears as weakness. Our empathic, loyal, sensitive, helpful, caring, compassionate, cooperative, and reasonable (we are the living definition of reasonable!) HSP nature is like a red flag to a bull. Unfortunately, once a bully has you in their sights there is nothing much that turns them aside. If you try to outrun a bully it just increases the pleasure of their chase (and your discomfort).
Being Highly Sensitive puts a bulls eye on your back!
Unfortunately bullies take advantage of our gentle nature. They are smugly confident that we will not make waves for them. In no way, shape, or form do they expect you to turn, stand your ground, and fight back. It is time my lovely to forget about keeping your head down, not getting your hands dirty, playing nice in the sandbox, or taking your ball and going home.
It IS time to stand up to the bully. The bully doesn’t expect HSP strength.
We are going to talk you through it because first you have to overcome some attitude challenges! The first challenge is:
We don’t want to fight back. We don’t like fighting. We don’t like the feeling of aggression and aggression doesn’t feel natural to us. So, although you may cringe at the idea of going toe-to-toe with a bully, be assured that evolution is on your side. It may not feel ‘natural’, but as a human being (HSP or otherwise) you are wired for agression and that, my dear, is a good thing.
Bullies don’t respect boundaries, ethics, or integrity.
Second HSP challenge? We believe in taking the ‘high’ ground. We believe and feel that we are abandoning our true nature, our integrity, and our values if we go on the offensive. Nine times out of ten you can climb the high road, but heads up darling Burnout Queen, this is a special circumstance. The bully is intentionally targeting you and you have every right, and need, to fight back.
Now here is the third really big, trip over big, hurdle. We don’t ordinarily label bullying as violence. It is. Bullying is violence when it is emotional, verbal, mental, or physical.
Bullying is violence.
The Burnout Queens are all about inspiring you to live new directions, ideas, beliefs, and actions in your life. We also know how practical solutions can be sanity-saving! Here are some useful strategies:
Keep daily notes on everything that happens. No, you are not being overly dramatic or picky. Document everything. Keep copies of emails, texts, or even recordings of telephone messages or calls (do check on the legality of this where you live).
Forget reasonable communication with a bully. You can’t talk it out with a bully even if communication is your strong point. You will be fair and even caring but bullies do not communicate with reason. They will not take responsibility for what they are doing…never. Here is a communication tip that goes completely against usual communication advice:
Do NOT use ‘I’ when speaking to a bully, use YOU.
This places responsibility exactly where it belongs.
Never ever justify or explain yourself to a bully. This comes across as weakness to a bully and with that you turned into their ham sandwich!
Don’t keep the bullying a secret. For numerous reasons (too numerous to go into here) we feel ashamed that we are being bullied. We worry what others will think of us. Bullies count on our reluctance to complain.
Silence protects the bully.
Take care of yourself. Get support and help problem solving with someone who understands bullying.
Do not put up with a bully. Have none of it! You are smarter than a bully by leaps and bounds. You understand people. You analyse and reflect. You have amazing intuition and wisdom. If you are being bullied use every aspect of your sensitivity to your advantage.
Look straight ahead, stand tall, no sagging allowed.
Even though you feel uncomfortable, over-aroused, overwhelmed, and probably fearful now is the time to be bigger and braver than you feel inside. Tap into all of your determination, resilience, tenaciousness, and that ‘will of steel’ that we know lives deep within your soul. Believe in yourself and show others the strength that comes with being Highly Sensitive.
Love, The Burnout Queens xx
