Do you ever feel you get lost in the shuffle because you are so darn good at understanding everyone elses’ viewpoint?  Maybe you’re particularly good at seeing every situation or problem from absolutely every side?  Could just be you are always the one that sees the big picture, so big in fact that you often disappear in your own panoramic perspective?

Well, Darling, being a highly sensitive and creative woman, being a Burnout Queen, can leave you dizzy from the constantly changing kaleidescope of your point of view!

So we thought it made perfect sense to start out this year by taking a closer look at perspective taking.  How can you believe in yourself unconditionally if you tend to misplace your point of view?  I mean,

How can you celebrate being you if you don’t know where you stand?

It is actually quite a gift being able to consider things from all sides.  It is born of a highly developed level of perspective taking (a psychological milestone), a heightened ability for empathy, intense curiosity, and a unlimited interest in and open-mindedness toward divergent ideas.

Here’s the glitch, when you are naturally gifted (some might say ‘too’ gifted, but you’ll never hear that from these lips!) with this ability, you can actually lose sight of what you think or believe or want or need.  We’ve  been in meetings where many ideas were being floated and found ourselves thinking, ‘that sounds good’  and with the next idea, ‘sure I get that’ and on to, ‘ that makes sense too’!  Well, by the time it got back to us, we were no longer sure where we stood on the issue and that is just soooo frustrating!  Permission granted, lovely Queenie, to boldly and bravely hold on to your own point of view.

Now here is where we make the connection to burnout… 

When you get out-of-step with your unique perspective it makes you feel less sure-footed, unheard or misunderstood, and eventually it can lead to a sense of diminished self-identity.  If you don’t respect your own point of view ultimately you won’t really know what you think, value, want, or need.  When you lose sight of yourself you stop taking yourself seriously, and then you stop taking care of yourself.

You don’t count if your point of view doesn’t count to the most important person in your world…YOU. 
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Your self-approval rating will go down and you certainly won’t believe in yourself unconditionally.  Then, one day you will wake up wondering why you feel discouraged, disappointed, and disheartened with yourself and your life.  Now, that, my dear, is burnout.

We know from experience that it can be a challenge and sometimes require courage to stand strong in your convictions, ideas, beliefs, and values.  That’s why it takes practice to recognise and maintain your own point of view.

It doesn’t necessarily come naturally because we have been taught that it is of value to see things from others point of view, to walk in someone else’s shoes so to speak, and to be able to see all sides of an issue.   It’s true, this is a great skill to have but you also need to be able to recognise and respect the distinction between others’ perspectives and your own.

Here are a few ways you can start practicing:

Try not to see things from everyone else’s standpoint, practice recognising and maintaining your point of view

Abstain from giving your opinion ‘on the spot’ if you aren’t a good on the spot person.

Always have a few pret-a-porter responses ready, like: 

• I’m not sure what I think about that, I’ll have to reflect on all sides.
• I’m not being wishy-washy, I just need to think it all through.
• It’s been an interesting discussion now I need to review all the info.

Whatever comes up, make a point of considering what you think about an issue, what you believe in, what your opinion is, what you want or what you need.

Be observant of yourself so that you can feel grounded, centred, firmly-planted and strong in your belief in your own perspective.

Of course you will always be open and willing to take in new information and listen to others it just fits with your highly sensitive nature.  Just remember, my love, that in the end the only perspective to live by is your own.  Then and only then can you truly, honestly, celebrate how amazing you are!

PS. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

It’s holiday time and you are up to your eyebrows in decisions: gifts, turkey or nutroast, gifts, whose house, shoes, gifts, eat in or eat out, heels or flats, parents or in-laws, gifts, pudding or pie, gifts…it goes on and on.  The very thought of another decision can strike fear into the hearts of anyone who is decision shy.

We thought that giving you a little insight into decision making and your own personal style might make the whole thing feel a little less daunting.

As Burnout Queens we have been raised and trained to take decisions very seriously indeed.  We have been led to believe that every decision we make is an important one, that we should always make the ‘right’ choice, we should be able to decide in a speedy and straight forward manner, and (love this one) we should never ever ever be indecisive.  In your ‘sugar plum’ dreams!  How many of you have stood there in a store contemplating ‘the right’gift decision as if world peace rested on it?   We rest our case.

It’s time to debunk the myths.  We can’t have you reaching for the eggnog every time a decision is in sight!  At this jolly time of year, it might lead to…oh dear!  So, here goes:

Numero Uno:

Not every decision is a life or death one.  Truth be the majority of everyday decisions are dull and ordinary.

We don’t even consciously register all of the daily decisions we make, for instance;  get up or stay in bed, feed the kids or let them figure it out, even something as simple as should I get dressed to go to the office?  We don’t really even think of these gazillion tiny, ordinary decisons as decisions, but they are and they add up to making life go tickety-boom.  Not to mention the fact that it wouldn’t be cool to show up at the office in your underwear (lacy and beautiful though it may be!).  So if you are in the habit of going around saying you ‘can’t make decisions’ check again.

Next…

Some poor souls believe they have to make ‘perfect decisions. This is the stuff of pure myth.

We make the best decision we can at the time given our knowledge and circumstance.  If for some reason you change your mind down the road, make another decision, plain and simple.  We know it’s a shocker, but there are no wrong or bad or stupid decisions there are simply decisions.

(We’ll pause here for a moment while those who fell off their chairs regain their decorum!)

Here’s your next ‘ah hah!’

Moments of indecisiveness are completely ‘normal’ if not required as part of the job description of being human.

If anyone insists that they never have a moment of doubt or a wobble we will show you an under-developed human!

Now I suppose at this point we are suppose to list off at least 3 techniques that you can use to beat your indecisiveness.  Yawn!  So not our style.

There is only one truly reliable technique that you can use each and every time.  Flip a coin.  We can sense your horror at the suggestion, but we believe that you know what you want you are just shy about claiming it.  In light of this, flipping a coin makes perfect Burnout Queen sense,  just keep flipping the flipping coin until it comes out the way you want!  Problem solved, buy the shoes!

Decisions exist in every nook and cranny of life.  Oh don’t groan, this is a wonderful thing.

Every decision, big or small, presents a point of opportunity to make a change or take a chance.  Think of decisions as twinkling stars lighting your path to a new universe!  Sorry, got a little carried away there, but it is important to embrace your decisions, exotic or mundane, because decisions hold the seeds of potential that can move your life forward, in a different direction, or towards your dreams.

One last thing, everybody can make decisions.  Now if you are saying ‘not me’ then you must be lying in bed still wearing your Candy Cane pyjamas!  (Not that we are saying there is anything wrong with Candy Cane pyjamas, not at all!)  Darling it is time to stop lying to yourself about not being able to make decisions and become confident about your decision making ability.  You don’t have to be Ms. Cool with every decision you face but you obviously make wise decisions or you wouldn’t already be as fabulous as you are.

So cue the chorus one more time!

• there are no right decisions
• there are no wrong decisions
• there are no perfect decisions
• if you think you won’t make a decision…well you just did.

You are the goddess of your decisions, so name what you want then flip that coin because now you know it’s going to land just the way you want it to!

PS. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

Do you sometimes feel like you are the only one in the audience clapping on the off-beat or swaying in the ‘wrong’ direction for the ballad?  Well, for many Highly Sensitive women (HSWs) feeling ‘off-beat’ is pretty common.

As an HSW myself, I have, through the majority of my life, often wondered if everyone else had received the ‘right’ sheet music except me!  I have definitely spent most of my life humming my own hit-parade.  I solemnly believe,

It’s not always easy being out-of-sync, but it is definitely more interesting!

Of course off-time, out-of-sync, or off-beat experiences can present unique challenges, like some of these adventures:

• returning to school later in life at a time where wearing the uniform might earn you a place on a questionnable website,
• changing careers when you are ‘supposed’ to be grown-up & settled,
• being 60 and not having any pictures to play ‘grandchild bingo’ with,
• proudly having chosen to remain eternally single,
• having by-passed the child road altogether,
• hitting your fame and fortune in your 60s (take your bow darling!)
• laughing off the idea of retirement at any age,
• becoming a mum in your 40s or even 50s,
• having elderly parent-care duties before you were ready,
• returning to the dating scene at a more ‘mature’ age,
• dating someone much younger (you go girl!)

Yes, a few challenges for sure, but the majority of our angst about feeling different comes from cultural attitudes and beliefs about everything having a ‘right time’ in life.  This is where burnout comes into play.  Some of us spend years trying to get on the right foot, hit the right note, or sing with the chorus mainly to please other people.  I hear the 4Ds of burnout calling; disappointment, discouragement, disillusionment, and ultimately disheartenment.  If there is a ‘right’ time to do something, that time could be right now!

Throw out the rule book because that attitude of needing to do things at the right time, in the right way or at the right age is just sooo old!  These days…

You choose the rhythm for your life, and then you get to dance!
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The BOQs  believe it’s always the ‘right time’.  If you decide to believe, you can never be off-time or off-beat.  You are always exactly where you are meant to be.  Your life is never on a detour, you just need to follow the road signs of passion and joy.  So regardless of a few raised eyebrows, we just know…

You wouldn’t be your fabulous self if you hadn’t lived a little ‘off-beat’.

Now having your own unique life-rhythm certainly calls for embracing every fabulous highly sensitive molecule of your being.  Who cares if you are occasionally or always out-of-sync with the masses.  You, my dear, were never designed to be one of the masses!   You were designed to defy ordinary.  You are a Burnout Queen. 

P.S. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.