Feature Articles

Newsletter articles

Hello from Brighton & London 3 October 2015

October 3, 2015

October means Autumn (Fall to our North American lovelies) has arrived. Here by the seashore we’ve been enjoying sun, wind, crashing waves and the beautiful super moon rising above the roof terrace!

September brings the art fair season. Brighton Art Fair blew us away and gave us a chance to meet artists in our own backyard. Of course, we stopped for tea and Victoria Sponge amidst the paintings and decided a bigger art budget is now required. Another fine day we hopped a coastal train to the next town of Worthing for a look-round and a little shopping (winter boots were on the list).

The Burnout Queens love day trips, especially when it involves being London bound. Imagine beauty, greenery, history, and art all rolled into one garden. Ta-dah! The Chelsea Physic Garden is stunning this time of year (even with the short sharp shower we endured standing in the midst of blooms) and it holds a very special place in Dr T’s ancestory!

And what would our days be without sharing a walk and cuppa with The Burnout Pups. ‘Cafe manners’ training is their new skill set to ensure we sit inside over the winter (so far staff have all fingers)!

Between adventures we worked a little too, launching new digital classes and our new global, members only, club for women The Realm! We sincerely promise to set a good example and Defy Ordinary (any excuse for an adventure, wink wink)!

Day trips and pet sitter already booked for October, and we can’t wait to snap-the-adventures for you.

Until next time, Embrace Life!

PS: If you fancy making your own life adventure that little bit bigger, braver or bolder then please join us in The Realm! We are all waiting to welcome you. (https://theburnoutqueens.com/the-realm).

Red Knickers and a Cape!

September 26, 2015

Quick, check your lingerie drawer! If you find red knickers and a cape, you may be a Super-Coper. You leap tall buildings in 4-inch heels, catapult over the glass ceiling, and perform acrobatic feats while juggling small children and grown adults alike! Sure you may feel like you are walking a tightrope or precariously swinging from the trapeze, but no one else would ever catch-on because you are a Super-Coper.

So how can you tell if you have a super-heroine tucked away inside you? Of course the red knickers and cape is a dead give away! After that (hmmm) you are likely female, probably a perfectionist, and most definitely the ‘responsible’ one! Super-Copers rarely ask for help, never give-up, and make it all look astoundingly easy.

Super-Copers are expected to handle it all…so they do.

Oh, here’s another thing, Super-Copers can defy gravity! It’s true! Super-Copers have bounce. They rarely fall flat on their face despite the fact that their knees may be buckling under the load or they are teetering on the edge of burnout.

Most of us grew-up admiring super-heroines, who didn’t want to be Wonder Woman? (I mean she did have a very exciting lifestyle and BIG hair!) However, if we have to get real here, (yes, my love, I’m afraid we have to) there are drawbacks to being a Super-Coper.

Here’s what we’ve found, not everyone loves a Super-Coper! We know hard to imagine, what’s not to love about us! Others want you to shoulder the load, sometimes demand that you shoulder the load, but then get a little cranky when you make it look ‘too’ easy. Sometimes others perceive you as ‘Little Miss Smarty Pants’ and resent the fact that you appear to handle it all effortlessly (or so they think).

No one sees you lying awake in the middle of the night wondering if you can pull it all off again tomorrow.

Super-Copers do what is necessary to solve problems, meet deadlines, or handle emergencies. They don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves and they don’t fall to their kneees or beat their chest in the midst of a crisis. (Usually because they’re too busy holding everyone else up and solving all their problems!)

It can be dangerous being a Super-Coper. While you are being-all and doing- all you miss your own signs of exhaustion, overwhelm, or even illness; sometimes you simply ignore the signs because you believe you have no choice but to shoulder the load.

Then there’s the Super-Coper ‘post-party crash’. When you’re finally done, when you get the chance to catch your breath, the emotional impact hits. You finally come down from the rush of stress hormones. You may start feeling shaky, anxious, overwhelmed or even sad or depressed. You most definitely end-up exhausted. Here’s where it goes south, over-coping is so completely normal to you that you misinterpret this normal post-stress reaction as you ‘not handling things’ or as some sign of weakness which sends you running back to your wardrobe only to emerge wearing, you got it, red knickers and a cape!

Oh dear, you can see how the whole Super-Coper thing backfires!

You have been raised and trained to be a Super-Coper. Family, friends, co-workers, pretty well everyone, have relied on you over and over again to be their super-heroine. We would be willing to bet our crowns that you have filled this role from the time you were very young. The time has come to be bold and to stop letting others put you in this box, even when it comes gift-wrapped.

If you are a Burnout Queen you naturally have great problem solving skills and emotional fortitude. You have life-coping skills that others don’t necessarily have or use. You are strong. There are just a few little gems you need to learn like setting limits for others, refusing requests, or letting others handle their own situations or problems (whoa now that’s revolutionary!)

Even if you have been annoited the Super-Coper, you don’t have to agree to handle everything.

The thing is, it’s not a bad thing to be a Super-Coper, indeed it’s pretty special. But you do need to recognise when you have taken it over the top, when you have donned your cape! Being Super-Copers ourselves has allowed us to navigate some pretty steep slopes in life; our secret is knowing how, when, where, and for whom to use our super-powers.

Go ahead embrace being a Super-Coper but promise, no more leaping over tall buildings or saving the world!

Our last words of wisdom? Lose the cape Darling but keep the red knickers because Burnout Queens live to defy ordinary!

Until Next Time…Grab Life by the Crown!

P.S. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

Ding Dong! Can Someone Else Get The Door?

September 12, 2015

Familiar with that old saying, the more things change the more they stay the same? Oh yeah! We started writing about ‘overwhelm’ almost a decade ago when we were seriously in the overwhelm loop and so were many of our clients. Fast forward to 2015 and has it changed? Uh uh, nada, nope….

Back then I called being overwhelmed the ‘curse of the 21st century’ this past 2 weeks has reconfirmed my opinion! In between everyday ordinary life and work stuff we have been dealing with leaks from the terrace, workmen (don’t get us started on this one it’s not pretty…I said don’t!), tech issues, a pup with a spider bite, and major projects with deadlines. Did you hear that overwhelm buzzer go off? That’s what I called it way back then and, you know, it still works. To me it sounds like one of those loud obnoxious buzzers on a game show! Multiple times this week that buzzer was about to sound!

Now, Dr B and I consider ourselves pretty good at handling stuff, in fact, we both are what we call ‘Super-Copers’ (more about that in upcoming feature articles!) like our clients who are professional, super-savvy women as well. We all probably share one thing, we feel embarrassed, like we are failing, or even ashamed to admit getting overwhelmed, after all we are supposed to be able to do it all without breaking a sweat and while smiling. The thing we need to get over is not the overwhelm it’s the shame. Say it after me…

I AM WOMAN!

Sometimes I am fed-up, tired woman, yes, even overwhelmed woman and…I’m cool with that.

Being overwhelmed is simply a feeling, a temporary, albeit unpleasant, fleeting feeling. Well, actually it is more like a torrent of feelings and thoughts all hitting at the same time. Picture this…the doorbell rings and you go to answer it expecting a single person who you will effectively and efficiently (as per usual) deal with. Now picture this (come on play with me here)…buzzer rings, you open the door,(yikes!) there’s a mob of people on your doorstep all yelling and pushing and shoving and trying to get your attention all at once! Feelings and thoughts, needs and wants, expectations and obligations all falling over each other! That’s overwhelm. So what’s a Burnout Queen to do?

Walk away. You heard it right and you heard it here…close the door on the noise and walk away. (It’s ok go against character and be rude!). Don’t worry you won’t walk forever, just 20 minutes.

Walk away from overwhelm, nothing will happen,

the world will not end.

[tweet this]

Next? Declare it out loud, “I am overwhelmed!” (Whew, that feels better already!) There you’ve said it and the paparazzi didn’t jump out of the bushes to snap a picture of you in your shameful overwhelmed state! Now what?

Take a brain break. When in overwhelm you are in overdrive, so shift down a couple of gears and idle in neutral for 20 minutes. Make a cuppa, call a friend (only if they are in a good space or you will end up listening to them! You see we know you!), play with the goldfish, go outside, get a breath of fresh air, pick some flowers (yes even if it’s the neighbours), or take yourself out for a quick coffee at the local cafe.

Stop saying ‘I can’t take a break, I can’t stop,

I’ve got too much to do!’ Yada yada, us too!

We’re not being unsympathetic to your plight, just realistic. It’s true, when you are overwhelmed you will accomplish nothing. Once you have had 10 minutes of absolute chill time (doing nothing, saying nothing, thinking nothing) and your brain has stopped smoking, get out a pad of paper (yes good old paper and pen, or pencil if you fear certainty, no technology allowed you need tactile) and write down the first thing you need/want to do. Only one thing, more is not better. Now decide (yes you can) on one small step you will take to unblock this task. Stay focused (take another gulp of coffee or tea) figure out the next small step (no no no, don’t look any further ahead that’s where overwhelm lurks.) simply focus on your toes, one step at a time. You got it! Keep doing this and you are out of overwhelm.

There is an ongoing problem. When you live on the edge of burnout, as we know so many of you do, you invite more and more overwhelm moments into your life. We give it to you, life is hectic, we all live in a 24/7 world. So what’s the answer?

Easy, you don’t have to join. If you give-up living your burnout lifestyle and start living with more ‘enlightened balance’ in your life (notice we said ‘enlightened’ not perfect balance, another mythical monster!) you will still be successful, hey probably more successful, and you will stay sane!

Our solemn promise to you is to keep writing about all of this stuff so you can do what we did, give up burnout and live to defy ordinary! It’s way more fun.

So, are you ready? Next time that overwhelm buzzer goes off…let someone else get the door! You’ve got better things to do…you are a Burnout Queen!

Until Next Time…Grab Life by the Crown!

P.S. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

Knee Socks At 40? Oh My!

August 22, 2015

Now if knee socks is your style, we just want to say Brava to you, work it all the way! On the other hand, if you have just gotten busy, distracted, or waylaid over the last few decades, knee socks at 40 could be a clue that it is time to update your self-identity! It might just be time to rethink the ‘Who Am I?’ question…as well as your wardrobe (“Just saying” as our lovely American assistant would chime in!)

When you think about who you are you give yourself permission to reflect on the Big Picture: Where am I headed? What’s important to me? What do I want for my life? What is my life work?

Now, that’s pretty heady stuff because your answers form the core, the foundation, of how you are in the world, your way of being. Your answers hint at how you face-up to the pressures, challenges, and demands in life. It would be sad if life was just about pressures and challenges, the Burnout Queens believe wholeheartedly that life is about adventure, discovery, and change. It goes without saying…

When you know who you are you can embrace the beauty, opportunities, and possibliities that arise in life to surprise and delight you.

If you have forgotten (or avoided) hitting the ‘refresh button’ on your self-definition chances are you’re not wearing matching socks. You see, when your outside doesn’t ‘match’ your inside it causes no end of confusion, for you and for others. You know where I’m going with this right, without consistency and congruency in your self-definition the ensuing confusion leads to mistakes about who you are, misunderstandings, and misjudgements! There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that those of us who are highly sensitive, quirky, creative (or just dancing to our own melody) hate more than being misunderstood or misjudged. It’s exhausting! We end up explaining ourselves till everyone glazes over, and that is…well boring! (If you get stuck in that ferris wheel of explaining yourself over and over, read our feature article ‘You Are the Jewel in Your Crown’ so you can get off that ride!)

My Darling, ‘boring’can never be included in the
‘Who Am I?’ of you!

Alright, so we have to talk knee highs again. You know you don’t only figure out the ‘Who am I?’ agenda one time when you’re 13 and that’s that! Even though I must say my 13 year old self had a pretty bold sense of style, it was the swinging 60s! (Do you know in recent years I have actually seen some of my very own teenage outfits in fashion retrospectives in museums! It certainly gives one pause…) Anyway I digressed, back to the plot…

It’s essential to keep uncovering, rediscovering, and recreating your knowledge and understanding of yourself.
[tweet this]

Every stage of life, each new decade, brings many many opportunities to update your self-definition. It doesn’t matter how ‘old’ you are! We need to embrace them all, good and bad, because the truth about who you are changes from decade to decade based on these life experiences, how you understand things differently, and from your ever expanding perspective of the world, hey the universe!

Now maybe your self-definition will only require a few tweaks, or maybe you will want to do a whole new re-do! Brand new answers to brand new questions! Marvellous! Fabulous! Now that is completely Burnout Queen style!

You know as you let go of the old, outworn bits of you, those beyond their ‘best by’ date, you open-up space in your life to create new aspects of yourself. You create room and energy for the new you to flourish.

If you want to stay inspired you need to stay fresh!
[tweet this]

It’s all you, my love, evolving, learning, changing, growing…you thriving and flourishing. Yes, it is of paramount importance to keep your self-identity up to date! If you don’t well, what can I say, that’s when you end up wearing knee socks at 40 (and, shhh, between you and me, not a good look!).

Until Next Time…Grab Life by the Crown!

P.S. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box bel

Time To Pack-Up And Move On?

August 8, 2015

You are brilliant, Darling! We know it and you know it. You sparkle in your own unique way. But sadly, the brilliance of your brilliance isn’t always appreciated! In fact, it is often misunderstood and sometimes, well sometimes, it just goes unnoticed! Now that’s a royal pain!

Now you could just recline on a chaise lounge, despairing about why the world doesn’t understand you, or you could read our three simple answers to why you may need to pack-up your brilliance and move on! Are you ready?

#1 – Creative, quirky, sensitive types can’t thrive in environments that don’t get us.

Sometimes the environments you choose to work or live in are unsupportive, plain and simple. When you try to survive in environments that don’t appreciate your HSP nature you eventually begin to feel diminished or less than. Seriously, if this is the case, you need to have a good honest conversation with yourself. Have you ended up in an environment (office, group of friends, relationship) where your brilliance isn’t appreciated, goes unnoticed, gets ignored, is made fun of, or put down? Your surroundings can make you feel like you need to hide the best of you. You know, an environment like this can actually get to the point of feeling hostile. No, my loves, you are not imagining it.

So if you are in an environment where it feels like your intelligence, senses, and emotions are becoming dulled, then it’s time to take your brilliance where it can be freely expressed. You deserve to find places in the world that nourish your sensitivity and creativity.

Seek places that are open to your strengths, talents, gifts, humour, love of beauty, and unique world view.

You need environments where you can be true to who you are. You definitely want to spend your life in places that reflect your values and beliefs. If you are to feel respected and honoured you need to know that others benefit from, enjoy, and value your uniqueness.

#2 – Hey, if they don’t get you, they don’t get you.

Sometimes people don’t appreciate your brilliance. Actually, some people are unnerved by it or threatened by it! Oh we know you may not believe that, but it’s true, you are often perceived as powerful whether you know it or not!

We know you are naturally inclined to keep trying to get your <insert here> (boss, mother, father, partner, colleague, sister, teacher…) to ‘see’ your brilliance, to see things from your perspective, to accept your novel approach to things. But seriously, what a waste of time and energy! Constantly trying to explain yourself only tarnishes your brilliance. “If they just understood me everything would be fine.” They won’t. So (excuse our bluntness darling) but time to…

Stop selling your soul. Stop trying to get ‘them’ to see the errors of their ways.

When you continue to attempt to scale this wall you only increase your own stress. You are never going to persuade them, prove to them, get them on-side, or ‘help’ them to see things from your point of view. Sorry, but they don’t want to, they aren’t able to, they are simply not there with you! And, you know what, that’s ok.

You have a choice to make, you can stay in that ‘old’ place of proving your genius or you can pack-up. We just want you to know that as long as you stay stuck in that struggle you are a single pirouette away from creating your own burnout.

#3 – Admit it! You hide your brilliance.

Indeed, you sometimes go to royal lengths to hide your brilliance. Well, my dears, it’s time to show-off your strengths, successes and achievements. Now relax we’re not saying you need to get all diva-ish or braggy, not at all, we know that would make you uncomfortable. You see, somewhere along the way you became more comfortable letting others see your less than powerful points. But seriously, where does that get you? Only to the place you fear the most; boredom, tedium, and dullness. That is no place for a Burnout Queen!

Darling it’s high time you get your crown out and start polishing because you are ready to show the world just how much you can sparkle! If you keep hiding who you are, you will eventually begin to feel diminished and you may even start believing that you are dull! AND, this could simply never be the case!

You know, it’s perfectly alright to appreciate the times you are afraid to let your brilliance show. You may temporarily feel afraid of what will be asked of you, afraid you are not ‘up to the job’, maybe afraid you have been kidding yourself about your brilliance all these years, that you are, well…oh let’s just say it, a fraud!

You know, it’s o.k. to be afraid as long as you don’t let that stop you.

What are you waiting for? If you aren’t going to show the world how much you have to offer, who is?

It may take a little getting used to, but the next time someone says to you ‘How do you do it all?’ You simply answer, “Extremely well!” When someone asks, ‘How are you today? Your answer…

“Brilliant!”

It’s time to take your brilliance where you can let it shine!

Until Next Time…Grab Life by the Crown!

P.S. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.

Previous 1 … 12 13 14 15 16 … 23 Next