The Burnout Queens Wisdom: To find calmness choose to embrace not struggle
Burnout
The experience of living with burnout and exhaustion for professional, creative and highly sensitive women
I am exactly where I want to be
The Burnout Queens Wisdom: I am exactly where I want to be
Is Your Job Giving You Blisters? | Being a Highly Sensitive Woman in a Lousy-Fit Job
One of the things that leads to burnout faster than a snap-of-a-finger is being in a lousy-fit job! Many of us have been there at one time or another in our working careers (I know I sure have).
How do you know if you are in a lousy fit job? Easy Darling!
- You feel exhausted before you even start your day.
- You wake up with Monday Blues or butterflies in your stomach.
- Your gut tells you that work shouldn’t feel this way.
- You feel trapped and stuck.
- You find yourself close to tears at times.
- You fantasize about strangling your boss.
- You are close to giving-up on finding ‘work’ that makes your heart and soul sing.
So what happens when you keep finding jobs that cause blisters like a bad pair of sandals?
You feel miserable! You feel like you are failing. You even feel embarrassed when you try to explain to others just how bad work feels. Oh the memories of trying to explain how unfulfilling work was only to hear some variation of “but it’s a good job!”. Super, terrific, fabulous for someone else, anyone else, but me!
Being stuck in a lousy fit job is soul destroying for creative, intelligent and sensitive Burnout Queens!
We stay in lousy fit jobs for many legitimate reasons like paying bills (that’s a big one), not knowing what else to do, not having support or encouragement to chase your dream, or ending up there because you were young and hadn’t figured it out and with time you got stuck. There is one reason that trumps them all, not believing you have the right to pursue work that brings you meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment.
Now, we can say quite confidently that some of you will have a track record of changing jobs every 2-3 years (I know my hand is raised) and we congratulate you on your unending optimism, no sarcasm intended. It takes optimism to keep trying. You seriously believe that if you could just find the ‘right’ job all of your dissatisfaction, disappointment, and exhaustion would fade and you would find the happiness that you know intuitively should come from work.
It is so discouraging to start a new job with every best intention, sure that this one will be better than the last, they will ‘get’ you, you won’t be bored, only to find in 3 months the lustre is wearing off. With each new job that doesn’t work out your disappointment deepens, you feel disillusioned, worn-out, depressed, & even physically sick.
I was stuck in lousy-fit jobs for so many years that the end result was migraines, depression, even ulcers. Finally I got savvy, gained courage, and changed directions, after I had figured out that it wasn’t me that was ‘the misfit’, it was the work environment that was a bad fit. (Ok, it took some hours ‘on the couch’ to figure this out, but I have never, ever looked back.) It’s time for you to get bold and brave, because…
Any job, regardless of title or salary, can be ‘just a job’ if it’s a bad fit for you.
We could share case study after case study of highly sensitive, intelligent and creative women who went from lousy-fit jobs or careers to pursuing work that had ‘the sparkles’ for them. Their life work: work that feels meaningful, purposeful, engaging, challenging, and creative.
Look, we’ve been there and done that (over and over again) but you don’t have to! Stop listening to your inner critic that tells you all number of things from “it’s too late to change” to “it’s work, it’s not supposed to be fun” and start listening to the voices (you can count on us!) that say you can absolutely change it!
Here’s what you need to do Darling…
- Make a list of all the reasons (yes, even the embarrassing ones) why you do not deserve a ‘good-fit’ job. Now’s not the time to hold back.
- Then blow those excuses up one at a time! Destroy the ‘reasons’ you tell yourself you are not worthy of a job that makes you fulfilled. (A little daydreaming or fantasizing work wonders with this step!)
So, we are in agreement, no more blisters ‘cause the time is now for you to stop settling for that lousy-fit job.
PS. The BOQs would love to hear from you! Leave your wisdom and comments in the box below.
Is it time for a new you?
The Burnout Queens Wisdom: Is it time for a new you?
Our Hearts Are Cold With Fear
Three months ago we heard that a friend had gone missing. At the time we had no idea what could have happened to her. It was widely reported that she may have simply ‘disappeared from her life on purpose’. She wouldn’t have done this; she was an intelligent, accomplished, savvy, gentle soul and would not have hurt the people around her like this.
Our hearts were cold with fear because we knew from all our many years of education and practice in the field of women’s studies and women’s psychology that the sad but still true fact is the mere fact of being a woman puts you at risk.
Yesterday we found out that the police had arrested a man she had come to trust in her life on suspicion of murder. They have still not found Helen. We feel sick with our own personal grief but we also feel angry.
The majority of women who are killed are killed by trusted males in their lives. Domestic violence is still one of the leading causes of injury and death for women.
It’s not only the ‘night’ that we need to take back, we need to take back our world. It isn’t right that we have to even think about, let alone worry about, going out alone at night, what you are wearing, how you are looking, what you say, who you flirt with or even who you live with. It’s just not right.
For decades we have asked, oh let’s be truthful, begged women to read this brilliant book and then to give it to their daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces and then friends daughters, granddaughters, sisters and nieces. The book is called:
The Gift of Fear. Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence by Gavin De Becker. Published by Little, Brown and Company in 1997.
(sadly I’ve been told to add this one line…we are not receiving any payment for promoting this book)
We have to start somewhere to take back our world, this book offers all of us a good starting point.
So in honour of Helen, our lovely Helen and her mini-dachs Boris, please take care of yourself, please read, please please trust your intuition and protect yourself. And then…live the fullest life you can. We can all do this for Helen.
In love and light, The Burnout Queens xx