The Burnout Queens

UK’s leading coaches for woman and burnout

Tipping the scales on burnout

weight scaleMore often these days I am hearing from VIP clients how teetering on the edge of burnout is accompanied by problematic eating changes and the resultant weight gain.

One client identified eating changes as one of the first symptoms of burnout that emerges for her.  She was able to identify this pattern while working through our programme Escape Your Burnout Trap. Each time she was heading into burnout her eating would get out of control and her weight would go up.

Other clients realise after the fact that the exhaustion and constant pressure of difficult work situations led to not taking care of themselves by not grocery shopping or preparing healthy food, not getting to the gym, or relying on take-away foods when leaving the office late at night.

We talk about ‘false cures’ associated with burnout, things we do to fool ourselves into thinking we are ‘feeling better’:  drinking more, smoking more, using over-the-counter drugs to sleep amongst a few.  I think we better put eating right up there in the top false cures that women use to soothe the tension, stress, and pressure that accompanies burning out.

The Burnout Queens

PS:  Can you relate?  Leave your comment in the realm!

How to live a Balanced Life

kitchen garden kenwoodIf you’re looking for that thing called Balance, then our 1st video is perfect for you!  “Decide What Balance Means to You” is your first step to living a more balance-friendly life and lifestyle.  What burnout queen doesn’t want that!

Join Dr Toby (one of The Burnout Queens) in the kitchen garden adjacent to Kenwood House on Hampstead Heath, north London and get going!  http://youtu.be/XOmOLYU9bA4

This is the first in our series of 10 videos “10 Key Ways to Make Your Life More Balance Friendly.  Key #2 will be available next week.  In the meantime…

Grab Life by the Crown!

Dr Toby & Dr Bev,  The Burnout Queens

What does being overwhelmed have to do with the perfect manicure?

manicure-roseWe are WOMEN and it is in our DNA to juggle, all balls in the air at once (while keeping the manicure perfect). We are not supposed to be overwhelmed, no no no, we are supposed to handle it all cooly.

We knew this year was going to be BIG! We decided to rebrand our business. A thoroughly BIG,but exciting opportunity; no complaints.   It is also a BIG year because we have to apply for the ‘right to remain’ in the UK. We are here because all our ancestors were born here (hey, I can date mine back to the court of King James I) but now ‘the powers that be’ get to decide if we can stay on happily ever after. (I may have to flash the royal connection,after all we now have the crowns!).

Later this year, when the timing was right, we were probably going to move house. Don’t you just love it when all the stars are aligned and the plan fits together nicely. Well, we have a sign here that says, “Tear Up The Plans!” Oh yeah!

Some anti-social idiots have made it their raison d’etre to burgle the offices below our place, not just once, oh no, these are over-achievers, they keep coming back and back and back!   (There is a positive, they don’t want our stuff they want our business neighbours truly expensive computers!). But, it’s scary! It’s maddening! AND it is infuriating because now we feel like we have to move. We had our timeline for the year worked out, it wouldn’t be perfect (we gave up ‘perfect’ for Lent years ago) but it was doable. But now this! Enough is enough!

In the past, we would have hidden being overwhelmed and attempted to look like we were handling it all effortlessly. Those days are done! We admit it, we own it, this IS royally overwhelming!

So why on earth as women do we fall victim to the epic myth that we should be unbothered and unflappable? In other words, we should never get overwhelmed because, after all, that means ( wait for it!) we can’t cope! Well, it’s all in the training to be a Burnout Queen!

I don’t know about you, but when I got overwhelmed as a little girl, it would be tears and stomping, pouting and sulking, or maybe throwing a ‘hissy fit’. Although incredibly annoying or embarrasing for Mum, it was completely appropriateas a kid’s coping style. Unfortunately, and maybe for you as well, expressing my overwhelm as a child would herald responses like: “You are ‘too’ emotional and too sensitive; stop whining and whingeing; you’re being a cry-baby, or a ‘princess’ (good for me on the way to becoming a Queen!) or you are being overly dramatic”. I regularly heard, “Surely it’s not that bad”.   Well yes it was!

Here’s a quick story: A number of years ago Dr. B and I had a pretty serious car accident. Two days later we were back in the office. My first client of the day looked at me rather strangely and asked gently, “Are you ok?” to which I replied “Fine!” Many years later I happened upon a photo of myself at that time. I burst out laughing when I realised why my client had looked perplexed, my face was swollen and black and blue! Talk about living the myth! I didn’t want to be that ‘whiny, whingeing little girl’? I Didn’t want to be accused of being ‘dramatic, emotional, or weak’. I was going to handle it all. Inside it was a very different story! Overwhelm reigned supreme.

As of right now, here’s the Burnout Queen’s declaration! There is absolutely nothing wrong or uncool with being overwhelmed! Whether from too many changes, decisions to make, too many details to juggle, too many emotions, competing timelines or deadlines, or multiple life problems. Au contraire, it takes strength, confidence, and personal power to acknowledge and accept that there are times when it all just gets to you.

Being overwhelmed simply means you are being temporarily bombarded by ‘too’ many emotions and thoughts all at the same time. It doesn’t mean you are weak, incompetent, stupid, unable to cope, or a personal failure. It means you are human.

Keep these few things in mind the next time you feel overwhelmed, and there will be a next time, it’s natural.

  • Make no decisions on one hours sleep! (That’s a Burnout Queen rule).
  • Ignore all middle of the night catastrophic mind chatter: 3am disasters look very different at 6am! (If that is not a rule, it should be).
  • Focus on what is real for you. Do not let others’ opinions or advice rush you.

Remember, you are strong, directed, highly creative and sensitive. You care deeply about your life, you take things seriously and you want to get it right. It’s just that sometimes you can’t, but it’s not you… it’s life. From time to time this means being overwhelmed and that can feel decidedly uncool.

At times fear, pressure or time overshadows clarity, but you are a Burnout Queen and that means that you will find the most creative, ‘uniquely you’ solution to whatever challenges life throws your way. In the meantime…

flourish720Heres one great tip!  

Stand up, declare it and own it! I’m overwhelmed! Now, while you are still standing…Eat chocolate, go shopping, and get a manicure!   (How did that get there?)!

Until next time, grab life by the crown!  

Do you have “The new all-about-me attitude?”

chess pieceJust had a great call with a long-time VIP client who works internationally in the justice system.  She is at the top of her game and has decided to go freelance so that she can free-up her highly pressured lifestyle…somewhat!

Here’s the glitch: making the transition from completely involved prized employee to being freelance is tricky.  It means giving up oodles of control, having the pick of plum projects, and being out-of-the-loop for management decisions.  This is a difficult mind-shift when you have been integral to the company as part of their executive team and in helping the company establish a strong footprint in an international market.

Being an HSP professional makes it even more challenging.  Throw in a burnout personality and it’s dynamite!  The biggest challenge?  Easy!  Learning to put yourself Front & Centre in your life, before company needs.  Learning to say “YES” to your life first and then considering what that means to others involved.  You have to learn to take a deep breath and set firm boundaries, new ones, otherwise it is so easy to keep getting drawn back in to corporate ‘stuff’.  If you say “Yes I’ll help you with that one thing” the message is received as “Yeah! She’s back in!”  It can be a slippery slope and given an HSPs usual caretaker/nurturer personality it is a slope you don’t even recognise being on!

Being tough doesn’t come easily to my HSP professional who has been raised and trained to be responsible, conscientious, and considerate.  No, when she makes the shift to Front & Centre, this new “all about me” attitude and belief system feels selfish, self-centred, and a little like stamping her foot to get what she needs or wants. 

The Burnout Queens ask, “And what’s wrong with that?”  It is all about you when you put yourself Front & Centre in your life.  That is how it ‘should’ be and that is exactly what makes you strong, powerful, confident, and able to do and be your absolute best for yourself and for others.

Like all transitions, going from employed to consultant or freelancer has a steep, but natural, learning curve.  Our natural tendancy is to want to do it fast and do it right.  Like any big transition or change it takes time and patience to navigate the shift, but the outcome is oh so worth it.

The Burnout Queens

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