We are so pleased to receive these RAVES from real life former and current clients. Some welcome their names published and others prefer anonymity, we don’t mind, because each of them mean the world to us. These Burnout Queens inspire us to keep helping women, just like you, find their own inner queen!
burning out professionally for the last 10 years, I was exhausted, had no energy and on the verge of tears all the time, seemingly for no reason. At that point I met Dr Toby
I’d basically been burning out professionally for the last ten years or more as I continued on from job to job, thinking the next one would be less this and more that and somehow better suited for me. I’d spend year 1 giving it my all then find I wouldn’t be able to maintain the pace in year 2, working longer and longer hours. By year 3 I’d have neglected my health, be overweight and suffering digestive problems and if the job lasted into year 4 then I’d be withdrawn, physically exhausted with no time or energy for anything or anyone and on the verge of tears all the time, seemingly for no reason.
It was in this state that I turned up at Dr Toby’s office. All the while my relationship had weathered these up’s and downs, sometimes by a thread but thankfully it was my partner’s observation of this cycle of behaviour (which I faithfully intended to plough on with!) that he confronted me with and said: get help, you don’t need to go through this again.
Meeting Dr Toby, I immediately felt listened to and understood which was an enormous relief and validated my experience, rather than simply umbrella it under a dispiriting ‘depression’ as had been the case in the past. You could say I’d been on a journey of therapies from medication prescribed by the GP to CBT to analytical and psychodynamic approaches, which either masked the problem or uncovered only bits of it painfully slowly without really impacting my current situation.
Discovering, accepting and beginning to value my HSP personality, I think has been key for me. Having the benefit of Dr Toby’s experience in recognising this, I felt really helped us make fast progress. The coaching sessions were always so incredibly productive and left me feeling invigorated which was something I didn’t expect.
Within 3 months I’d resigned from my job with a plan to start my own business. For the first time in years I think my adrenaline and cortisol levels began to drop and I finally felt what it was to live ‘normally’ rather than in what seemed to be this permanent fight or flight state of anxiety.
There were doubts about whether this was the right course of action and trial and error in finding a new rhythm in life. In fact around 3 or 4 months into the new venture I changed direction but Dr Toby was so supportive, giving me the confidence to reach this conclusion and help coach me towards where my instincts were leading me.
I no longer feel inadequate for being the quiet, conscientious one and actually really value my thoughtful, sensitive point of view. Knowing this about myself really informs and gives me confidence in my decisions. I’m actually very instinctual, and deep down I find I know where I need to go but it’s only with Dr T’s help that I’ve rediscovered this voice and begun to listen to and trust in it.
I feel like a true partner in my relationship again which is in a much better place. We are expecting our first baby now which is something I’m sure burnout was and would have continued to stand in the way of. And I feel so privileged to be looking forward to this new phase in my life whilst feeling confident and optimistic about my career prospects at the same time.
L.S. London UK . Designer and entrepreneur.
Before I wanted to run out the door of my business and never come back. I was so overwhelmed and thought the only choice was to give up work altogether.
My business was ruining my life (I thought). I never intended on starting my own business, it sort of fell into my lap. We (biz partner and I) never made time for ‘corporate time’ or envisioning what’s ahead, so it all just felt like a hamster wheel I couldn’t get off with no end in site.
When I started to read the Burnout material from The Burnout Queens, I was instantly like “wow—this is sooo me!” I have personally met tons of goals with Dr Bev. The biggest for me is more time with my family and away from the office. This translates into more energy and a much more positive outlook on the future of my business. We’ve instituted a 6 month working vision on our office wall that we both love looking at. And because I don’t feel so overwhelmed, I can actually get excited about projects again!
I want to show clients I am proud that my family is my priority and I am a diligent, hardworking, proud business owner. I want my clients to be those type of people with those values too.
Jen Gannon, Principal Gannon Ross Designs (http://www.gannonrossdesigns.com)
utilizing my intense, will stop at nothing, determined personality to push through fulltime education and 2-3 parttime jobs (just months away from 40)…I fell.
First of all, I never thought I could be beyond burnout. When it hits you, it doesn’t just poke you in the back like an annoying bully, it crashes into your knees like a hundred pound dog and sends you flying into the air, leaving you shocked, winded and with the realization that you can’t move and can’t breathe. Unlike such a traumatic incident in the dog park, once the adrenaline rush passes, you don’t stand and realize with excitement that you are undamaged, and sigh with relief. Rather, you want to stay, lying in the grass covered in mud, and don’t give a damn who steps on you. It’s too much to move, too much to care. At least that is how I felt.
I think it was just prior to that wipeout when I met Toby. Apparently, it’s easier to notice when someone else is heading towards this epic crash. A good friend had mentioned Toby to me a few times, and recommended that I call. At the time I was trying to sort through my emotions and heal a broken heart, while utilizing my intense, will stop at nothing, determined personality to push through full time education and 2-3 part time jobs (just months away from the big 40). I had insomnia, severe anemia and my hair was falling out. I wasn’t so good, but didn’t know it. Until I fell.
It was Toby who shed some light on me and helped shift my perspective. Among other things, I needed to learn to be kind to myself. Toby encouraged me to continue the pursuit of my goals but in a more reasonable and healthy way, that honoured myself, and she gave me some incredible tools to get there.
This was four years ago. It has been a challenging, difficult climb out of this burnout and still sometimes I forget to give myself credit for all I have accomplished. With Toby’s honest encouragement, I’ve not only graduated but have built a very successful business. I’m back on track with my own healthcare and feeling, actually, quite good.
I am looking forward, into the future with hope and excitement in all aspects of my life, not only work. I think I might even be ready to open my heart again, and this is how I know I’m better. I’m so thankful that my friend convinced me to make that first call and so grateful for everything Toby has done to help me.
I still have dark days and those old patterns still creep up. The difference for me, and it’s a significant one, is that I recognize them before I allow them to take over. I can step back, observe myself and approach both my challenges and motivations, in ways that are positive, productive and healthy.
Thanks Toby!
Lori V. Registered Massage Therapist, Vancouver, Canada
My burnout was very real….Finally I had hope I could get unstuck…
I thought I wasn’t handling stress properly because everyone has stress and they seemed to be getting on with things. I was feeling so awful that I believed I would become very ill if I didn’t control my ‘stress’. Working with Dr Bev I realized that stress was not my problem, burnout was. My burnout was very real, and it was more about my lifestyle and my personality. I felt I could DO something to change that in my life. I had hope for the first time in a long time that I could get unstuck.
Shirley D., project manager, national transportation company, London, UK
You offer practical, logical & fairly idiot-proof solutions I can integrate into my everyday.
You don’t evangelise and you don’t make ridiculous promises; but importantly, you don’t ask me to do anything that doesn’t make perfect sense. You offer practical, easy-to-follow solutions that can quickly be integrated into my everyday because they are logical and fairly idiot-proof. I think the fact that you’ve ‘been there, done that’ helps because you know that you are asking me to make changes that you have made, you know how easy or how difficult they will be and you manage expectations.
The great thing is the knowledge I can do a programme at my own pace, I can go back and revisit it whenever I want and I don’t need to stress about not completing it to the letter in the time frame.
It works around me and my needs, rather than dictating to me and demanding my time.
Jane Nead, Silver jeweller, creative business owner and mum of 2 daughters, London, UK http://www.choosewearlove.com
I suffered burnout in every job I worked in the last 24 years…my last experience was my worst.
When I worked with Dr Toby I realised I was on the severe path to burnout and it really scared me that I might feel like this for a very long time…tired, lethargic and with no enthusiasm for life! In every job over the last 24 years I have suffered from burnout. This wasn’t obvious to me until I went through my last experience, which was my worst. It depleted me of all my energy, enthusiasm and love for my job. My health was suffering, and my relationships were evaporating before my eyes.
It’s been 8 months since I started the programme and I am so proud of the progress I have made in that time.
J.F. Beauty consultant, International beauty firm, London UK